The Safety Zone

Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad.  Proverbs 12:25  NASB

Anxiety – What is anxiety?  A dictionary definition suggests the following: “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”  Notice that this feeling isn’t about something that has already happened.  You don’t feel anxiety about yesterday’s hurricane.  Nor do you feel anxiety about an event that is happening.  Anxiety is a feeling about something that might happen, either in the next few moments or in the distant future.  I can be anxious about dying, but not after I’m dead. 

The Hebrew word, dĕʾāgâ, is used of feelings that project circumstances.  In other words, dĕʾāgâ is about anticipating and fantasizing imaginable events.  The reason Jeremiah can describe the man of God as a man without dĕʾāgâ is because that man trusts the God of all potential circumstances.  He is, therefore, unphased by whatever comes to be.  He doesn’t have to anticipate disaster because his trust is in the God who rules everything, victory or defeat.

But most of us don’t have that kind of faith.  We worry.  Oh, we might tell ourselves that we shouldn’t worry because God is in charge, but we worry anyway.  We might even chastise ourselves for this “lack of faith,” but we still get caught in the “what if” scenarios of concern.  What should we do about this?  We might attempt to employ a series of religious rituals.  For example, we might pray, “God, take away my worry.  Let me trust You.”  That sounds good, but it usually doesn’t work.  We might confess our lack of faith.  Again, a religiously acceptable approach, but I’m not sure we actually feel confident or eager afterward.  Confession seems to just remind us that we aren’t up to the standard.  Proverbs provides a different solution.  Talk about it.  Soloveitchik’s religious phenomenology highlights the issue:

“A person needs a haver li-de’agah, a person in whom one can confide both in times of crisis, when distress strikes, and in times of glory, when one feels happy and content.  In both instances, the need to share despair as well as joy is overwhelming.”[1]

“Somehow misery and joy cannot remain isolated, immovable experiences.”[2]

Our aphorism “Misery loves company” isn’t a condemnation.  It’s actually true, but in a positive sense.  Everyone needs a haver li-de’agah, a listener.  Someone sympathetically safe.  Not just anyone, but rather that certain someone who will always listen safely.  Who isn’t there to correct, condemn, or chastise, but rather to console, comfort, and care.  But, of course, none of this can happen until we talk about it.  Until, as Proverbs suggests, we utter the good word.  We usually read this verse as if someone else will provide the good word, but perhaps we need to think in terms of initiating the conversation rather than being the recipient.  Heaviness of heart requires lifting the burden, and lifting begins with “Can I talk with you?”

Topical Index:  dĕʾāgâ, worry, anxiety, friend, talk, safe, Proverbs 25:12