A Further Reflection

“Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God” (Job 1:22).

I received numerous emails following my description of the constant pain I have in my knee.  They were very encouraging, offering prayers and empathy.  But one in particular really touched me.  It was about another person’s pain, a young man who at the age of 18 died from cancer after a long battle and excruciating complications.  I thought, “Who am I to complain about what I’m experiencing?  My pain is nothing compared to his.  Why do I think I should be so special that this shouldn’t happen to me?”  I was ashamed that I raised any questions at all abut God’s involvement.

At the same time, I finished reading Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light: The Private Writings of the “Saint of Calcutta.”  I learned from her personal letters that she suffered feelings of enormous abandonment by God for more than forty years but all that time she pressed forward in obedience.  She wrote:  “Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me?  The child of your love—and now become as the most hated one—the one You have thrown away as unwanted—unloved.  I call, I cling, I want—and there is no One to answer . . .”

My pain doesn’t really matter.  Oh, it’s real.  It’s disturbing.  It’s discouraging.  But it doesn’t compare with others.  With the eighteen-year-old whose life was snatched away too soon.  With the “saint” who felt rejected by God.  And with Job, the righteous man who seems to have been a victim of God’s love.

Who am I to question what God is doing?

So, I thank you deeply for your prayers and your concern for my health.  It means a lot.  I’m grateful that you shared your own pain with me for it helped me see that I am not that important, not that special.  I’m just another traveler and at this particular time, I’ve been asked to carry a slightly heavier load, perhaps in order to bear someone else’s burden.