The Silver Spoon Syndrome
For whom the Lord loves He disciplines, just as a father disciplines the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:12 NASB
Disciplines – How do we know that God cares for us? If you listen to some popular theological viewpoints, you might answer, “I know God cares because I have been blessed with health and prosperity. When you do what God wants, He showers you with good things.” Of course, this implies that if you’re struggling, then you must have done something wrong. God is good to those who do what’s right and He punishes those who do what’s wrong. If this is your perspective, you’re in “good” company. This is essentially what Job’s friends argued. If Job would only admit that he sinned, God would stop punishing him. We might call this the “silver spoon syndrome.” People who have comfortable lives, who are secure and healthy are shining examples of God’s goodness. Bad things don’t happen to these spiritual saints. And if we’re honest about our own feelings, we might discover that this is what we really want—health, wealth, and happiness.
Rabbi Arush suggests we reconsider this interpretation. “Ponder the above proverb [3:12] for a moment. If Hashem reproves those that He loves, inversely, He doesn’t reprove those that He hates! If so, a life devoid of trials and tribulations is not a very good sign!”[1]
“So, when we experience difficulties in life, it’s a clear sign that we’re a beloved son or daughter of Hashem.”[2]
Now this verse might not say that the absence of struggle means God doesn’t care for us. I’m not so sure Rabbi Arush can draw the “inverse” meaning from this verse. But he can certainly say that God’s love is expressed in discipline. What does that mean? The Hebrew verb is yākaḥ. It is translated as “decide, judge, prove, rebuke, reprove, correct.”[3] Its most significant example is found in the famous passage in Isaiah 1:18. “Following a record of rebellion where Yahweh, the plaintiff, condemns Judah for their self-designed religious festivals (1:10–15), Isaiah issues a call to repentance (1:16–20). Within this context then we should understand the expression ‘let us reason together’ (KJV, NIV as meaning ‘let us debate our case in court.’”[4] You might remember that Paul uses this idea when he describes the attributes of Scripture in his letter to Timothy. So Rabbi Arush is correct on this point. If God loves you, expect to be judged, corrected, reproved, or rebuked. Just as God treated Israel over centuries. Forget the “silver spoon” theology and look for His heavy hand. That’s the real sign of His care. Embrace it.
Topical Index: yākaḥ, discipline, reproof, Isaiah 1:18, Proverbs 3:12
[1] Rabbi Shalom Arush, The Garden of Emuna: A practical guide to life (trans. Rabbi Lazer Brody, Third Edition, Chut Shel Chessed Institutions, Israel, 2008), p. 24.
[2] Ibid.
[3] Gilchrist, P. R. (1999). 865 יָכַח. R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer Jr., & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed., p. 376). Chicago: Moody Press.
KJV King James Version of the Bible
NIV New International Version of the Bible
[4] Gilchrist, P. R. (1999). 865 יָכַח. R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer Jr., & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed., p. 377). Chicago: Moody Press.
God’s “heavy hand” is his merciful way of thwarting the sin of “self-ascension” toward which his human offspring are prone.
This topic as it relates to the “Love of God” is one I wrestle with more than any other. I just can’t seem to grasp it or come to terms with it. Disclaimer—I have probably completely missed the point you are making here so forgive my “obtuseness”, if that’s a word.
On more than one occasion you have quoted a popular radio pastor acquaintance of yours saying that he is quite sure of God’s omnipotence but not as sure of his benevolence. I confess that I am in his camp more often than not. So much human suffering. Why? The righteous perish with the wicked. Why? My beloved grandson was born with horrible physical handicaps he will have to deal with his entire life. Why? My youngest daughter has chosen a self-destructive lifestyle after being brought up in a loving, supportive home. And yes, there was plenty of discipline but never abuse. Why did she choose the way she has? What is to be learned here? The list of unanswered questions goes on infinitum. To be clear, I have never ascribed to the idea that God cares because I have been blessed with health and prosperity though I have enjoyed these blessings to varying degrees. For that I am truly grateful believe it or not. Conversely, the idea that suffering, hardship and tragedy is the more spiritual path leading one back to God and that those who embrace and endure suffering here will be given an eternity of ease and comfort in heaven doesn’t make sense unless one believes THIS WORLD IS NOT OUR HOME. That sort of idea fueled the crusades and inquisition. So, the ease and comfort that is to be rejected here is to be celebrated in the heavenly realm. I guess I just don’t get it. After all, Job was a wealthy man and a righteous man in the eyes of God. Maybe it just comes down to doing the best you can with the cards you were dealt. God deals them as he sees fit, I suppose. There is so much more I want to discuss here but for mercy’s sake, I will wrap it up. Thanks Skip for taking me to my happy place, (Ha! HA!) and suffering through comments that some may find insufferable.
I think it is ESSENTIAL to distinguish yākaḥ from suffering. The verb is about correction, not human suffering as you have described. It is like the parent who punishes but does not injure. We should expect correction, but that does not mean God gives us the kind of misery, trauma, and abuse you have experienced. Those things come about because of other factors wrapped up in the choice to create free agents and the subsequent chaos the creation feels because of the consequences of things going wrong. There’s a lot more to this, as I am sure you are aware, but let’s not get trapped (as many do) into thinking that everything comes directly form God. That would lead us to the rabbinic view that our fate is determined in advance.