The “No-escape” Clause
For I know my wrongdoings, And my sin is constantly before me. Psalm 51:3 NASB
Constantly before me – What’s it like to live with constant reminders of your mistakes? What if your worst sins were never forgotten, never faded away? Douglas Murray’s comment about the omniscient, unforgiving internet is a terrifying specter of living in a world where all that you’ve done is preserved forever for public consumption. No wonder young people commit suicide after internet humiliation. There is no escape clause.
Perhaps David has good reason for expressing his remorse in this way. After all, Bathsheba is with him. Her presence is precisely the constant reminder of his guilt. And then there’s their son, the one who dies. Another reminder of his depraved actions. How could he not know the pain he has caused? It’s right in his face, neged, “to be conspicuously placed in front of,” from a root that means “tell, make known.” Everyone knew! You can’t hide this kind of act. For David, it’s tāmîd, perpetual. The same word that’s used for the daily burnt offerings. How appropriate! David might have to go through this exhausting disgrace every day for the rest of his life. At least that’s how he must feel. Without divine intervention, there is no relief—and even if by some miracle the act is erased from the divine ledger, there are some victims who will never be able to forgive. His guilt will remain.
Can you identify? Perhaps so. Even if you have confessed, acknowledged, vowed anew, there is still the record of the past. History is the enemy of forgiveness. God may place those sins as far as the East is from the West, but we retain them, buried in the subterranean world of recollection. Ready to haunt us once more. It is only by divine grace that we survive the psychological destruction of yesterday. In internalize shame even if the outside world knows nothing of it. Forgiveness can wash away exterior guilt, but what do we do with the interior chagrin?
God is the only answer.
“Against You, and You only” may be the recognition that God is the only answer. The only answer.
I can’t live with my past. Few of us can. If we’re going to survive, to live another day, then God must intervene. More than physical sustainability is at stake in grace. Think of the naming of the woman in Genesis 3. What if her name, given to her by Adam, not God, was a deliberate reminder of her sin? What if every time she was addressed, that name spoke of her failure? Adam never forgave, that’s for sure! But God does, and in doing so, rescues her from a lifetime of despair. (You can read about this in my book, Guardian Angel.)
Topical Index: tāmîd, perpetual, forgiveness, shame, guilt, Psalm 51:3
Amen…
Thank you, Skip, for these past two postings that provide such substantial clarity regarding the nature and effects of iniquity/sin.
Thanks Skip for the recent series of articles you’ve posted. Along with the few before this one, it helped me realize what it was that has been eating at me and dragging me down physically and emotionally. It was the nagging, almost constant awareness that someone who used to be very close to me took personal issues about me and put them in the street, along with some lies as well. This individual tried to do as much damage as they could. They even tried to sway my sister, unsuccessfully, with whom I’m very close, to end her relationship with me. This individual got to my son, who hasn’t spoken to me for several years. But what you said, “I can’t live with my past. Few of us can.” That rings so true. Some of the things put in the street were false, but some were true. All I can do is own those things, and live with the recognition of the consequences of the choices I’ve made. I’d love to blame it on CPTSD, or other things people have done to me, but that boat simply doesn’t float. Others may have conditioned me to be inclined to such things, but they weren’t standing there with me when I chose to do them, making me do it. It’s on me, and there’s no changing that, ever.
But what you said about the daily offering resonated with me. Carrying the memory of past deeds and living with the consequences really does burn in way internally. Could it be that the God who so often brings good out of bad, is using that daily burn, to burn the dross out of me, to in a way continue to sanctify me? I was beginning to think I had a serious illness, and who knows right I guess I’ll find out more at my next annual check up!? But this material has given me real hope. It’s like a light went on. He’s that close, He’s that involved, with me, with us all. He’s that intense, that committed. And I recognize that this has been happening all my life. I’ve said so many times over the years He’s never left. And seeing that truth in this light strikes a blow at the mistrust I’m so often operating out of, which you also recently highlighted so well.
Lastly, turning into the burn and walking out repentance, as you also so incisively wrote about recently, repentance for a lifetime, how ever much is left of that time. That just came across with a clarity that was in a way very illuminating. The burn helps us to remember, as we go, on our way. God bless you Skip.
P.S. I hope it’s ok to submit this kind of rumination. In a way it’s very much like cognitive therapy even though we don’t meet face to face.
More than okay. This is just what the “comments” is for. Thanks.
Skip
Thanks Skip!