Joined At The Hip
And Hamor spoke with them, saying, “My son Shechem’s soul is bound to your daughter. Please give her to him for a wife.” Genesis 34:8
Bound – You get married with davaq (sticky covenant). You fall in love with hashaq. Don’t confuse the two. If you do, you’re likely to repeat the lesson of Shechem.
Shechem, the son of Hamor, had sex with Dinah. It must have been good because he decided that he wanted to keep her around as his wife. The outrage of Dinah’s brothers over Shechem’s audacity following his rape of their sister lead to the slaughter of every man in the village. Sin has community consequences, doesn’t it? Scripture uses the verb hashaq to express Shechem’s emotional bondage to Dinah. He was united to her, physically and emotionally. The only problem was that he didn’t pay attention to God’s plan for davaq. He decided that his feelings mattered more than God’s plan. I’m afraid that a lot of people today are following Shechem, not God.
Of course, there is a legitimate use of hashaq as well. Deuteronomy 21:11 uses the verb to speak about marriage (bound to a wife). Hashaq is always used in a positive way. It’s not like davaq so you won’t find it in verses that describe hot pursuit of an enemy. But the paradigmatic theological use is probably Psalm 91:14. God Himself says that the righteous have bonded their love to Him. Therefore, He will deliver them. Wallis (TDOT) points out that “the psalmist thus depicts this devotion not as an emotional bond but as a firm and deliberate attestation of trust.” As true as this is, there is something more to this bond. It is a bond for life. It encompasses all of who I am – my nephesh – my person, not just my soul. To be bonded to YHWH is to live life according to His sovereignty. Yeshua would have said it like this: “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” If you are adhered to Me, if you are completely attached, if you are bonded to Me, then doing what I ask will be a delight to you.
Oh, yes, there’s one other thing here. The bond doesn’t depend on us. The Scriptures make it clear that YHWH’s bond of fidelity toward the righteous has nothing to do with our inherent qualities. It is all about Him. The bond depends entirely on God’s reliability and trustworthiness, not ours. We are Gomer. God is Hosea. We are joined at the hip because God provides the glue. This is not emotional overload, a fluttery cocktail of lust and passion. This is promise and fulfillment, carefully crafted and deliberately executed. This is the action of true devotion. And it is the model of faithfulness for marriage.
Shechem used the right verb, but he had it backwards. Fidelity comes first. Commitment comes before consummation. Shechem might have been bound to Dinah, but he got there via the wrong path. God’s example is absolute fidelity long before any of us responded to His love. If you want hashaq in marriage, concentrate on promise fulfillment. The rest will follow as day follows night (that’s the Hebrew perspective).
Topical Index: Marriage, hashaq, fidelity, Shechem, promise
