The Grave Comes First
But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Turn back, each of you to her mother’s house. May the LORD deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me.” Ruth 1:8 JPS
The dead – Why should God express hesed toward Ruth and Orpah? Naomi’s answer demonstrates that she isn’t an evangelical. She does not suggest that God showers His benevolence on foreigners simply because He loves them. She doesn’t even suggest that God’s benevolence is unconditional. She says that God will show hesed toward these two Moabite women because they have shown hesed toward the dead and the living. In other words, their actions create reciprocal obligation. They did something first. God’s grace follows.
But what exactly did they do? Answering this question places us squarely in the Semitic culture of the Middle East. They showed proper care and respect for the dead. This action demonstrated kindness as no other action could – because the dead cannot repay. There can be no ulterior motive for caring for the dead, and that is precisely why such actions are the epitome of hesed – benevolence shown without any prior moral or social obligation; benevolence that comes purely from the heart.
Now you know why Naomi puts this act first, before the subsequent act of hesed toward her. Even if Naomi receives pure-hearted kindness, there is always the possibility of expected reciprocity. This is obviously never the case with the dead. If Ruth and Orpah are willing to show such kindness toward those who can never repay, then their true character is revealed. We can expect them to continue since we have seen that this is truly who they are.
This raises a very interesting question for our contemporary “stay young forever” culture. What do we discover about our own hearts when it comes to the dead? Oh, I don’t mean, “Do we place flowers on the grave sites of those we loved?” Yes, maybe that is also revealing. Perhaps it is more revealing to ask if we even visit those graves, or are we caught up in the “let go of the past” frenzy to deny our own mortality? But let me ask another question, perhaps a bit more personal. What are your behaviors around those who are dying? How do you act toward those who are ready to pass from this life? Most likely, they also cannot repay. How do you show kindness and respect toward them?
My daughter told me once that she made friends with an elderly woman who is a distant relative. This woman suffers from several diseases of the aged. She is difficult to be around. She often loses track of conversations and forgets who people are. Most of her other family members just don’t want to be with her. It is too difficult. But Rachel engages this woman simply because Rachel’s heart tells her that comfort and care are important even if you don’t know who you’re talking to. Naomi would agree. The dead reveal the true hearts of the living.
Topical Index: dead, hesed, Ruth 1:8
Not as a theft to the thunder but let us not overlook: Naomi’s name, (hidden within Hebrew, of course!)
Naomi (נָעֳמִי “Pleasant; agreeable; my sweet”, Standard Hebrew Noʻomi, Tiberian Hebrew nåʿå̆mī) is Ruth’s mother-in-law in the Old Testament Book of Ruth. Later, she called herself Mara, or “bitter” (Ruth 1:20-21), she said to the women on Bethlehem, “Do not call me Naomi call me Mara (מרה), for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me,” referring to the death of her husband (Elimelech) and her two sons (Mahlon and Chilion). In Ruth 1:13, she had said to her two daughters-in-law “it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the LORD has gone out against me,” (ESV), but the NIV translates this as “It is more bitter for me than for you…” which indicates that Naomi is indeed bitter. Barry Webb points out that there is both an objective element in her life being bitter (bereavement, dislocation and poverty), as well as a subjective element – the bitterness she feels.[1]
The story starts with a sad, bitter situation and Naomi is feeling that feeling; – bitterness toward God. She is a living picture (aren’t we all living epistles?) of “pity me” syndrome, blaming God for her plight. I am not (NOT) trying to point my bony finger toward Naomi, for I have been here my own self, and in her situation, pondering my plight and saying “oh me!” or questioning the “goodness” of God. I am not making light of her “situation” or circumstance for it is for her (and many like unto her) “the dark night of the soul.” No hope, no future, no lasting legacy- situation: grim. -(and this is no fairy tale.) Real people, -people..
~When they came to the oasis of Marah, the water was too bitter to drink. So they called the place Marah (which means “bitter”) ~ (Exodus 15.23) And here, (once again) is another “crisis situation”, hoping/expecting a drink of pure, life-giving water- the well (or spring) is found to be polluted. In this case, the solution for pollution is not dilution, but a “tree” is cast into the pool. Could this tree be a fore-shadowing of the Tslav?
~ We bear at all times in our bodies the dying of Yeshua, that the life also of Yeshua may be revealed in our bodies ~ (2 Corinthians 4.10)
~ For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we, (the talmudim) might have hope. (Romans 15.4)
Yes, (once again) the way we know the future is by remembering and reviewing the past! (Who is always Faithful?) Our glorious Savior, and blessed Redeemer.
“From Shadow to Substance” by Roy Hession-(highly recommended read!)
~ And you has He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins:in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, (hello hesed!) When we (also) were dead in our sins, He gave us life together with The Messiah, and by His grace He has delivered us.~
My sins are gone,
I’ve been set free
my God, my Savior
has ransomed me
and like a flood
His mercy reigns
unending love
amazing grace
from bitter… to better… to blessed!!! (I love happy endings!)
I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more then I can bear
I feel so empty
You’re strong, I’m weary
I’m holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You’re with me
And even though I’m walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me
And even though I’m walking through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone and I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me, -He will carry me
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You’d see me through the storm
And even though I’m walking through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone and I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me ,He will carry me,He will carry me
~ He will tend His flock like a Shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those that are with young ~ (Isaiah 40.11)
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/mark_schultz/#share
~ Who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God ~ (2 Corinthians 1.4)
This reminds me of a story regarding Mother Teresa. One day, Mother Teresa informs her sisters of charity that they are not going to ride the bus to the clinic or infirmary where they served, they were going to walk. The ladies quickly expressed how it was stifling outside and how they would be so hot and tired by the time they got to work. Mother Teresa understood but said they would walk. Keep in mind the poverty stricken neighborhoods, the filth and stench they would be passing by as they made their long trek. About 3/4 of the way through their journey, Mother Teresa asks, “Did you see that man?” The sisters of charity asked, “What man?” Mother Teresa said, “That man we just passed by.” They all looked at each other and said, “Umm. No.” Mother Teresa walked back to a man, lying in a gutter covered with maggots, left for half dead. She calmly said, “If we had taken the bus, we would have passed him right by. We must take him to the clinic.” In the heat of the day, they managed to carry him the rest of the way. Eaten away with infection, sores and pustules, Mother Teresa and her assistants prayed, cleansed and loved on him. They tried every manner in which to save this poor soul but to no avail. Just prior to his passing, this pitiful sight to most onlookers, locked eyes with Mother Teresa and whispered, “I came into this world like a dog but thanks to you, I will leave like an angel.” And he closed his eyes.
And as a side bar…I just lost my father a little over a week ago. My sisters, mother and I attended to his every need a month prior to his passing. Private home and hospice care staff (most of who were Christians) came alongside us 20 hours a day to assist. They all said that it was an inspiration to see the sacrificial love, harmony and unity in which we all worked as a family to care for my dad. Not many family members put their life on “hold” to do such a thing. They said in their line of work, it’s truly rare. That statement to us, alone, was disturbing and it made me think. When you love someone so deeply, sacrifice loses all meaning. I’m so glad my parents’ raised my sisters and I that way to where it became instinct. It takes Godly harmony in order for hesed to have its way.
In reflection, when Yeshua was hanging on the stake, I believe His love for us was so deep and His covenant relationship with His Father so great, I think the concept of sacrifice never blipped his radar.
Thanks Skip for revealing to us what another facet of hesed is all about.
Christina, My wife and I offer our condolences to you and your family in the passing of your father. May YHWH comfort you with the same grace that He comforts all those who mourn in Zion and Jerusalem. From your testimony it is clear that it was YAH who allowed you to minister to him from your heart. I am not just speaking of the many personal and sometimes costly sacrifices that accompany such a mission, but I speak of the work of grace that He has invested into you, your sisters and mother so that hesed was able to flow freely even in trying circumstances. That is a true testimony both of His work in your family and your faithfulness to that working. Powerful. May Yah continue to walk with you through the course of the grieving process. Shalom, Michael and Arnella
Dear Michael and Arnelia, thank you for your most kind and healing words. HaShem sows into us during every season of our lives and what is most beautiful is when everyone can grow in faith from the experience, not just the ones who are directly affected. Your heartfelt sentiments were deeply appreciated and made me praise YAH for true community. Shalom Bayit.
Christina,
Sharing this intimate part of your life with us, I’m certain, causes some of us to recall similar moments with dying family members. I am saddened by your loss and grateful to hear your sweet testimony of Yeshua’s sacrificial offering of Himself in spite of your grief. It sounds as though you used Him as the pattern for caring for your father. Praise be to YHWH for His goodness and mercy!
Skip makes an interesting point and observation about the west’s view of aging and mortality. This has become a sticking point with me, as I ponder where the US and the west have developed the culture that apparently is growing in pagan ideals and practice. How do BELIEVERS settle for such, is my question.
The “pagans” of the eastern cultures hold the aged in such a greater degree of respect than westerners. It appears that maybe we should be learning more from the sages about YHWH’s plan for life,than the younger inexperienced and overly “educated”? (I believe in education, but not the kind of knowledge that “puffs up”) My faith, however, is being restored through the work of His Word which sheds light on our darkened paths. Bless you and thank you for sharing your tender heart.
Dear Mary,
Your sentiments are so true and spark so many thoughts and sentiments deep within me. I am Chinese but was born and raised in the West so I know both sides of the world yet praise HaShem, my true culture now, or at least is trying to become more each day with the washing of the Spirit and Word, is God’s Kingdom culture.
As you mentioned, so much of our world’s thinking is totally turned upside down. We must pay more for organic food than inorganic, more for unleaded than leaded gas and the list goes on. Quite acquainted with the dynamics that drive and fuel the medical, pharmaceutical, insurance, agricultural, food processing and senior citizen home institutions and more, it’s sad to say they are all in a “revolving door” syndrome created to de-humanize and make money off of the common citizen. An interesting Newsweek cover article appeared a while ago that was entitled, “The Culture of Fear” and that is exactly what the enemy broadcasts 24/7. Once, we become “fear based” versus “faith or divinely joy-based” we are on automatic pilot for a life of internal pain and suffering. Believers fall into this trap continually because they create HaShem in their own image versus allow Him to create them in His own image.
I see this most strikingly in the way we treat and view our own “temple” which is the receptacle or “ark of the covenant” of the Holy Spirit. In many respects, we are no different from the world in this respect. So many believers think I don’t have to care for my temple because we get a new one in “heaven” so when we die, what’s the big deal. Therefore, when they reach their golden years of their lives, they don’t glorify the Lord. They just moan and complain and kevetch like everyone else and that is sad — sad for the Body of Yeshua. At the end of the day, family members not in the faith, don’t see or experience any difference in the way this person lived out their faith versus what they chose in life and that is sad.
I’m in total agreement with you that a lot of knowledge puffs up. We can lean about so many things (even with respect to the Word) but if we don’t apply it in the fullness of the Spirit, what’s the use. For example, as believers, if we just lived out Ephesians 4:29 alone in the fullness of the Spirit, you know how many marriages, church disputes, family conflicts etc. that would resolve? Whatever comes out of our mouths must be a spiritual blessing to the recipient. I think if we all did this, peoples’ life expectancies would certainly be extended. Wilting souls would bloom. Same with I Thess. 5:18. If we gave thanks and praise to God for EVERYTHING, not just some things or when we felt like it, as believers, we would be so “attractive.” Like Yeshua. People would flow into our fellowship. We would be far less dis-eased but at “ease.”
Well, I shouldn’t go on. We’re of like mind and spirit and it’s such an awesome blessing as to what HaShem continues to reveal to all of us each day as far as what it means to be “whole” and in right alignment with Him (eternal Life). My continual prayer is that all of our Hebraic thinking will translate into true kinetic living in the smallest and greatest of ways so God truly be glorified. It’s a pleasure knowing you through this blog site 😀
P.S. — Thank you for heartfelt condolences. It imparted L’Chaim to my family in more ways than one.
Christina, you and your family have suffered a great loss with the passing of your father. I pray Adonai will continue to comfort you all as you mourn his passing, but rejoice with you in the precious moments that you were all able to share together as a family before he went. May the memories that remain be good ones, and fondly held.
I fear that we may soon be faced with a similar situation as a family. My mother is in poor health and continuing to deteriorate. She was badly affected by a reaction to some medication which turned her in a matter of months from an energetic, vital woman who had devoted her life to caring for her family and working tirelessly for the Kingdom, especially after we were grown up and no longer living at home, to a person requiring full-time care herself. For the past 6 years Dad has been her full-time carer, always loving, always giving, never complaining, and often (too) reluctant to ask for assistance, but it has now gotten to the point where it is no longer safe for either of them to remain in their own home with Dad having full-time caring responsibility. There is way too much risk involved for both of them.
To remember Mum how she was and to see her how she is now is extremely painful for all of us (and all who’ve known her over the years), not to mention extremely hard for Mum.
My brother and I both have families with young children and very demanding jobs to boot. My wife also works full-time and my sister-in-law part time, but they also live further away. All of this means that we are physically unable to help as much as we wish we could; nor are we medically trained and able to provide the medical support that will most likely become necessary in the not-too-distant future (although we all hope and pray that that will not be the case).
God is providing though – a place has just become available that will allow them to move together to a supported accommodation unit with on-site medical help available 24/7. They will have their own 1-bedroom unit with kitchen and living area, all meals provided and assistance with basic needs such as showering. This will be an incredible relief for Dad who will no longer be solely responsible for Mum’s physical care. It will be financially stretching, however, so we will have to pitch in and help as we are able. We trust God to continue to provide.
This will be a very difficult transition as they will not be able to take many of their own furniture and belongings with them. At least they will be able to remain together as a couple, though, which is extremely rare in most cases like this. Unfortunately, Dad (because he is healthy and able to care for himself independently) cannot go in as a resident; instead he has to go in as a “boarder”, which means he will pay a little more and, should Mum pass, will then have 4 days to leave. That means that they cannot sell their house to help defray the cost because Dad will need somewhere to move back to, unless he decides to come and live with either my brothers family or my family (and he would, of course, be welcome to do so).
We are very grateful to God that his opportunity has been offered. It was sorely needed. As a family we would value the prayers of this community during this transition period and through the months ahead.
Dear Rodney,
You certainly have my prayers and I’m lifting you and your family as I write. A best friend of mine, who had a really bad start in life (father shot his mother in the womb during her last tri-mester) if you can believe, was born blind. He had a host of other complications from the trauma experienced prior to his birth but now, at 56 yrs. of age, he’s working for FedEx, drives a 4-wheeler and is a mighty warrior for the Lord. I only bring him up because one of his favorite titles for God is “He is the GREAT COMPENSATOR.” HaShem is. He makes up and fills for what we are not able to do in this upside down, backwards world. I see Him clearly doing this with your precious mum and dad. Their legacies have and continue to clearly pass on to you and your siblings and that is something no one can take away from any of you. I know they feel your agape and tsedekah in ways they can’t even express.
When I became a believer about 30 years ago, my dad said he “died.” He thought everyone that pursued some kind of religion became fanatics and he sure didn’t want his firstborn to become one. His experiences in China and Taiwan back then were that religious people were extreme. Unfortunately, he experienced this upon the first few years he entered the United States as well.
30 years later, circa 2012, two months before his passing, he revealed to me that becoming a believer under the allegiance of the True God was the best decision I could have made in my life. Praise HaShem. In fact, he wanted me to throw all the pagan artifacts from his surroundings, not that he gave them much credence to begin with. It was just the “Chinese” thing to do.
I’ve never believed in the adage, “time heals.” It’s what you do with the time that heals.
All to say, we live out the best faith-based decisions we can, in the fallen world we live, with God’s divine counsel and that’s all we can do. God compensates for the rest in ways that are unimaginable. I see the love and care you’re providing for your beloved parents and I’ll pray for Shalom Bayit (God’s perfect peace to rest in their new little abode). They are blessed to have you as their son.
“So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.” Gen. 29: 20
~ who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God ~
~ Most certainly I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit ~
Rodney, My heart goes our to you, your siblings and your parents. Having been the sole caregiver for both my parents for over 5 years before their passing I know well the spirit of angst that can attack us at these vunerable times. Not only that but their cabal of cursed companions; hopelessness, fear, uncertainity, dereliction, helplessness, inadequacy, etc. One of the best things you can do for your parents ( and yourself) is to stay strong spiritually so that you can war on their behest effectively. Refuse any and all negative suggestions of the enemy that might score at a weakness in your armour. Trust me you will need all the hesed, strength, prayers and support you can recieve in the times to come. Our prayer for you is (and will be) that Yah will continue to grant you that which is needful, to not just endure this suffering, but that it somehow become an alter where Yah will receive the best of the flock of your heart and fruit of your lips. Shalom, Michael and Arnella