Disappointed
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 ESV
Train up – In the movie Inception, Leonardo DiCaprio takes on the task of reconfiguring the thoughts of a man who is about to inherit an empire created by his father. DiCaprio’s goal is to alter the man’s consciousness so that he believes it is his own idea to break up the empire. The movie is a masterful exposition of the question, “What is reality?” For our purposes, one particular moment stands out. On his death bed, the father speaks to the alienated son. He whispers something in the son’s ear. Only later we discover that the single word the father gave his son in his dying breath was this: “Disappointed.” Unfortunately, many of us believe that this will be God’s final word to us. We think that because we have failed so often to live up to God’s standards, He will tell us at the end, not “Well done,” but rather “Disappointed.” Because we have heard human fathers and mothers say words like this to us, we believe that our heavenly Father shares the same evaluation. And after all, why wouldn’t He? He knows our disobedience, our lack of resolve, our broken promises, our defeats far better than any human parent. Of course He is disappointed!
The real tragedy in this kind of thinking is the mistaken paradigm that supports it. God is our Father, but He does not find us disappointing. Disappointment implies a standard of expectation. A parent is disappointed when a child does not achieve what the parent had in mind. That means the parent endorsed some set of rules or some benchmark that became the measurement of the outcome. God doesn’t think like this. God is heartbroken, not disappointed. What’s the difference? A heartbroken parent sees a greater fulfillment of life than the child achieves. This is not about the parent’s expectation. It is about the unfulfilled potential of the child. It is about missing the full joy that should have been the child’s destiny. The focus is not on a failure to meet a parental benchmark. It is on the child’s abdication of complete actualization.
Now to the verse in Proverbs. “Train up” is the Hebrew verb chet-nun-kaf (H-N-K). It has two meanings. The first is the assumed root of the word hek, a word that is translated “palate.” You will find it in Proverbs 8:7 (“All the words of my mouth are righteous.”) This meaning connects H-N-K to speech. The second meaning is “to dedicate or inaugurate.” This is the usual meaning in Proverbs 22:6. Training is not discipline. It is dedicating the child to the full expression that God has placed within that child. A parent is the child’s best encourager, greatest coach and staunchest ally when the parent sees what God sees and does everything possible to assist the child to see it too. This is absolutely not about rules or standards that the parent sets. It is about parenting with the goal of bringing God’s full expression to life in the child. And no parent can do such a thing without dedicating that child to the way the child should go. Set the groundwork for God’s direction. Set it early and often. And later, when that child is old, he or she will still follow the path God has laid out because the parents made it so abundantly clear.
Topical Index: train up, hanak, disappointment, heartbroken, Proverbs 22:6
It is the same principle when looking at Deut. 21:18ff, and the rebellious son who would not obey his parents. John Calvin saw that it would be the parents who would be on trial in the first instance to see if they had been faithful in the training of their child. Failure on the part of the parents, apparently, being “extenuating circumstances” for the rebellious child.
Can You Spare a Child?
By Chaya Sarah Silberberg
Feivel and Moshe were not only brothers, they were also the best of friends, living not far from each other in a small shtetl. But life had treated them both very differently: Feivel was a wealthy man, but he and his wife Rachel were childless; Moshe and his wife Devorah had a house full of children, but they barely managed to make ends meet.
One day Feivel hesitantly approached his brother with a proposition.
“Moshe, you know that I have no children while you and your wife, Devorah, have been blessed with such a large family.”Perhaps you would consider giving us one of your children to raise in our home and to treat as our own?” Rachel and I were talking the other day, and we wondered—perhaps you would consider giving us one of your children to raise in our home and to treat as our own? Of course the child would still be yours… but we would be able to provide him or her with all the best that money can buy. For us to have even one child in our home would be truly wonderful—and you already have so many children!”
Moshe told his brother that he would discuss this idea with his wife. That night, after the children had gone to sleep, he broached the idea to Devorah.
“I don’t know,” she said hesitantly, “it would be so difficult… Which child would we give away?”
“Let’s go check them out,” suggested Moshe.
So they went into the first bedroom, where all the boys were sleeping. Alex—no, they couldn’t give away Alex, he was such a happy soul; he brought joy into the whole house. Berel? No, he was too sensitive. Aaron was growing into such a scholar, a real nachas—no, not Aaron. And not Chaim, and not Herschel and not Eli…
In the girls’ room, matters did not get any easier. Golda was too shy, and it wouldn’t be good for Zelda or Leah…Sara was the artistic one, Miriam was her mother’s helper in the kitchen, Dina was so good with the little ones, Golda was too shy, and it wouldn’t be good for Zelda or Leah…
The next day, Moshe went over to Feivel’s house.
“We thought about your suggestion, and we really wanted to help you out,” he explained. “But you – and I – made one mistake. You said I have many children, and maybe I could give one of them to you. But the truth is I don’t have many children: I have one Alex and one Sara and one Herschel and one Miriam… And how can I give away any one of these children?”
The Baal Shem Tov taught that “G‑d’s love for each and every Jew is infinitely greater than the love of elderly parents for their only child born to them in their later years.”
Each soul is unique, special, and precious.
Thanks for the encouragement Skip. So many things cloud the waters of confidence that the message is being heard by my children, that they will emrace the Word and live it out in these difficult times. The constant barrage of objection they bring, fueled by; popular opinion, the stance of peers, their imperative for an independent voice.., all contribute to a latent fear that they are not receiving the wisdom, may not comply and will ultimately leave me a failure in this most precious task of parenthood. And it is all too easy to react in anger to the fear of MY OWN imminent failure. Every now and again I am also astounded by the accuracy of memory that they display and I have to trust that if they can only hear the Truth consistently and SEE it reflected in the way I live and treat them, that they will turn to it as their foundation.
Calvin may be right, but I also think that the Father accomplishes His will in spite of our failures.
In the tornado of worry, our hopes pull us in one direction and our fears pull us in the other. And we find ourselves focusing on the wrong things in the center. The center of everything is still God.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil. 4:4)
Really? Always? Listen from the past:
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (Hab. 3:17–18). [Old Habby learned and he’s trying to teach us.]
How do I get there from here, God? Acknowledge that God is still on the throne. God still loves you. Do you suppose He loves your kids, too? God has promised that he can work all things together for good.
Dwelling on the greatness of God puts our problems in perspective. Oh, yeah, problems are serious, but God is greater. A cheerful heart has a continual feast. Snuggle close up under those wings we have taken refuge in. In God’s presence there is fullness of joy.
Great and needed teaching in the times we live in for the current generation and especially the one coming up!!! W.O.W ==WORKS OF WONDER IN PROGRESS AND THE WONDER WORKER NEVER GIVES UP ON ANY OF US ::W.OW.
Oh how life would have been so much better for my kids had I understood this!
Hello to all! I wish to make a comment to all the parents who are reading my father’s word study. I can not speak for all of my peers, but it is clear to me, as I have experienced in my upbringing, that within the social structure of today a commitment to God is considered as foolish as believing the world is still flat. Everything about the love of God pulls me in a direction away from what my social structure believes in, this would not be an issue if I looked beyond myself, unfortunately however the culture of the youth in this generation is based on personal and immediate satisfaction/gratification. I want all of the parents to know that the strength you have in standing confirmed in your faith while your children follow a different path from the one you believe they could have is a real challenge, one that I give all parents encouragement in. Know though that your children do listen, they do see, and despite what they may say they don’t disbelieve in God. The challenge is that the world is doing a really great job at convincing that you do not need to rely on God. Throughout high school and college I can tell you that the issue I found was not that God didn’t exist amongst my peers, but that God really isn’t of my concern at the “moment.” The “moment” is the real issue, and in the “moment” I don’t need to concern myself with God. However, the “moment” doesn’t last very long and sooner or later the harsh reality will set in. The reality that those things in the world that pulled me away from a need to rely on God are not concerned with me, but concerned with only whats in its own best interest. The youth will realize like I did that God gives true strength to those who rely on him, because unlike the rest of the world God is concerned about your best interests, just like you adults who see beyond the moment and beyond yourselves. They will realize as I did that it is NOT all about me and my needs, this will be the moment they will open up their hearts to God and see that their actions do matter even if the world tries to say otherwise. I stood as have so many of those around my age group at the bottom of the pit, realizing that everything i thought I cared about did not have the same care for me. It was at this point that you can’t help but look around your life and see those who believed in you and encouraged you and wanted the best for you, hence your parents. At this point you ask how do my parents do it, and if my parents could answer this question to me what would they say, and then I tell myself they would answer me with one word…God. So I hope you know that you are doing an amazing job, but this willingness to let go will come about at different times in everyones life. If you continue to give God the credit he deserves i promise your children can’t refute what their eyes so obviously see. I will continue to pray for all of the parents out their and all of the children who have yet to see their own potential God has given them. God is good and he is always working within the lives of us all, even if we chose to see his work or not, he is their.
Thank you for writing this, Michael. I was praying for my children when I felt pulled to this page and read your post. It certainly speaks to me. Blessings to you.
Hi Michael,
I agree with Gayle, it certainly speaks to me too
I can tell by your writing style and message
That you are a “chip off the old bloc” 🙂
Thanks,
Mike
Michael, I am so moved by your post this morning! I think this message from your heart may be a heart nudger for children and quite an encouragement for parents, who like myself, look back with disappointment in our lack of critical parenting skills at the time.
Bless you for sharing. To be certain, Skip is very proud of you! Rightly so.
May I repost this on my FB page?
Yes of course, I am glad my post was well received. I hope that as I participate more on my father’s website I can bring the insights of my age group to the discussion. If there is anything I can pray for please let me know, Id be more then happy to do so!
I like your PRAYING heart!
I believe you mean this so I will take you up on your offer.
Please pray 3 times for Sarah and Brandon (ages 24 & 25); that God chase them down and overtake them with His love, and for their marriage to be set right side up. OR however the spirit directs your prayer is fine. I want HIS way.
I only request 3 times of anyone, because I don’t want to leave you thinking if you agree to pray for a request it has to be on going, and because I know God isn’t deaf, — He receives prayer.
Thank you and bless you
Please pray for my daughter Maggie and my son-n-law Dacey. Thanks so much, Michael.
Thank you Michael, for the sincerity and personal glimpse from beyond the ‘momentary’ veil. It helped fuel anew the trust I have told the Father I put in His own ability to call my children to Himself. Once one has stepped away from the empty promises of the world of the ‘moment’ and taken a long, cool drink at YHWH’s fountain, it is tough to step back and let our children take responsibility for their own decisions, the way they cry out for us to do. it seems more logical to herd them towards the Truth as we keep taking back the reigns!
Thank you for posting, I hope to hear more of your insights, especially since this walk is more lonely for our young people than mainstream church attendance ever was for us.
Shalom
Graham
“In the movie Inception, Leonardo DiCaprio takes on the task of reconfiguring the thoughts of a man who is about to inherit an empire created by his father. DiCaprio’s goal is to alter the man’s consciousness so that he believes it is his own idea to break up the empire. The movie is a masterful exposition of the question, “What is reality?””
Hi Skip,
First let me say that I have watched that movie a number of times with my daughter
And, by the end of the movie, I’m always totally befuddled by the plot with all its complications
So I appreciate the simplicity of your very clear plot summary and interpretation
My problem with the movie might be due to the character Mallorie “Mal” Cobb (Marion Cotillard)
Mal is dream-architect Dominick “Dom” Cobb’s deceased wife, whose memory projection
Derails Dom’s mission
Of course, as you know, in Latin the word for bad is “mal” (and in Spanish bad is “malo”)
And so we can see Mal as a kind of “femme fatale”
(French: [fam fatal]) is a mysterious and seductive woman whose charms ensnare her lovers in bonds of irresistible desire, often leading them into compromising, dangerous, and deadly situations.
However, in Hebrew, “mal’akh” (מַלְאָךְ) is the standard Hebrew Bible word for “messenger”
Both human and divine
So we can see Mal as the witch or beautiful woman/angel, depending upon our perspective
(To be continued 🙂
Excellent story Ilze, -a wonderful reminder, God, our Father, not only loves “all of us” but even more thrilling “each of us!”
~ For the scripture says, “WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE put to shame/disgraced/confounded/DISAPPOINTED/kataischunthēsetai.” ~ (Romans 10.11)
~ So this is what the Sovereign LORD says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed (or disturbed).
(Isaiah 28.16)
“On his death bed, the father speaks to the alienated son.”
Here’s great song about an “alienated son” speaking to his “Old Man”
Shalom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=221mohEolWc&feature=related
Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there’s so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.
Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don’t get lost.
Like a coin that won’t get tossed
Rolling home to you.
Old man take a look at my life
I’m a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that’s true.
Lullabies, look in your eyes,
Run around the same old town.
Doesn’t mean that much to me
To mean that much to you.
I’ve been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I’m all alone at last.
Rolling home to you.
Old man take a look at my life
I’m a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that’s true.
Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.
Ah, Neil Young, I somewhat had aught against Lynard Skynard for speaking against him (“I hope Neil Young will remember…a southern man don’t need him around anyhow.”)
This Neil Young song you posted represents the cycle of humanity to me, not to mention the one thing we all have in common…
I need someone to love me
the whole day through.
Such a nostalgic reminder of who we are in our journey to humanity, and what our destination is…LOVE!
After all what does the Scripture say…G-d is love. Oh how we need Him!
“G-d is love. Oh how we need Him!”
Hi Mary,
Well I was never much of a Lynard Skynard fan
But listened to a lot of Neil Young, after losing my first love
For some reason, I never connected the “Old Man” to God as I recall, until today
Before the song, Neil Young talks about the Old Man as a kind of caretaker (of livestock)
The Old Man protects the livestock by keeping them within the “fences”
Like in the opening scene of the movie Hombre with Paul Newman
Where Hombre puts the horses within the fences to protect them
And like the famous scene at the end of Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman
Where Paul Newman (Luke) looks up and says
“You made me like I am. …Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast.
But it’s beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me?
What do I do now? Right. All right. [Gets on knees, closes eyes and begins to pray]
On my knees, asking. [pause] Yeah, that’s what I thought.
I guess I’m pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case. Yeah.
I guess I gotta find my own way.
Dragline: Luke?
Luke: [Shakes head and smiles] Is that Your answer, Old Man?
I guess You’re a hard case, too.
[He says with a big smile before the police shoot him in front of the church]
Never thought of that scene in quite this way before. Maybe I need to watch the movie again. That’s pretty intense.
It makes me wonder…I do that alot these days.
this message was remarkably encouraging, to come to understand the mind of God a little bit more, and his awesome love for his children. –and therefore his intense desire that we learn and teach our little ones the right path, following Torah, so that they can reach their full potential in the family of God. Thanks, Skip.
Nancy Spencer
Is hanak the root word for Hannukah? I am working on Psalms 30 and I see the Day of the Lord throughout the chapter
Look here
http://biblehub.com/hebrew/2596.htm
Day of the Rapture/Day of Trumpet
Psa 30:1 A Psalm and Song at the dedication (Hebrew. hanak. Used of houses in Deu_20:5) of the house of David. I will extol thee, O LORD; for thou hast lifted me up (as out of a pit) , and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me.
We are raised up at our resurrection (raised up, gathered up, taken up, caught up) as He was lifted up on Feast of First Fruits.
Dedication reminds me of the Feast of Dedication, Festival of Lights which is the 2nd Feast of Tabernacles.
dedicate, of formal opening of a new house Deuteronomy 20:5 (twice in verse); dedicate, consecrate temple 1 Kings 8:63 2Chronicles 7:5 (all followed by accusative)
Psa 30:2 O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. Isa 53:4. By His death 2000 years ago, He has nailed to the cross our griefs (sicknesses) and our sorrows (diseases) so by our faith, we are set free from these events. Some may be an instantaneous healing and some by a long process. At our death, there is no more sorrow, no more physical, spiritual or mental pains.
Psa 30:3 O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul (Hebrew. Nephesh) from the grave (Hebrew: Sheol): thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit (a sepulchre. Hebrew. bor.)
The lake of fire an brimstone is waiting for the contempt that is written in the books of death and the books of luke warm.
Psa 30:4 Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints (favoured ones: literally men endued with grace. The natural man cannot do this (1Co_2:14)) of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.
Day of the Lord
Psa 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure (lodge) for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
A moment is not 7 years after the rapture but a short time frame.
Mat 24:22 And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect’s sake those days shall be shortened.
1 Year: the Flood; Exodus Plague 1-Pentecost = 8.5 months; Deut 24:5; Isaiah 61:1-2; 34:8; 63:4; and 54; Psalms 117-118 (2017-2018); Haggai 2; Jhn 6:39, 40, 44, 54 where last day = last year. Day of Trumpet to Day of Atonement. Christians teach 7 years (Dan 9:24-27).
The tribulation can be ten years in length (Rev 2:10) from Day of Trumpet to Day of Atonement (2007-2017). Using 1947 (Psalms 47) and 1948 (Psalms 48) +62 Pentecosts, we get 2009 (Psalms 109 for the Antichrist) and 2010 for the Messiah. Then we add 1260 days and 1290 days and we arrive to 2013/2014 and 2016/2017 Psalms 117 (the rapture chapter). Psalms 17/18 = 1917/1918 +100 years (2 Jubilees; Leviticus 23) = 2017 (Psalms 117) and 2018 (The Second Coming Chapter) and Psalms 119 = the Millennium.