Baptized
“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55 NASB
Death – My friend John is dying. Elegantly. As cancer consumes his body, every pore leaks righteousness. God is spending him into eternity.
We all die, of course, but most of us don’t die with godliness. Perhaps we die with dignity, but that isn’t the same. Dignity is the human capacity for nobility in the face of trial. Godliness is something not of this world. It is the clarity of an eternal consciousness overwhelming the trials of being human.
John tells me that as death approaches all of his senses have been heightened. He sees and hears things that I cannot. A glimpse of the invisibly working Hand. A nuance in a word not articulated. Conversation with John is penetrating. There is no time left for evasion. Perhaps that’s because John is not the subject or the focus of his speech. He is entirely concentrated on the other person in the dialogue. Talking with John is hearing my own words returned to me sharpened, honed and challenged. I hear my self-concern, my ego preoccupation, my pretense and deflection as conviction. John has become transparent. I am not speaking with him. I am speaking with someone beyond him. I discover that clarity is proportional to the awareness of the end of life. I realize that our most penetrating words come when death is upon us. Those words are without ego protection.
I wonder if I am capable of such intensity. Thomas Aquinas was perhaps the greatest Catholic theologian who every lived. He wrote thousands of pages of theology. Toward the end of his life he had an experience with God. Afterwards he summarized all of his work, work that even today has shaped most Christian thinking, in just four words. “It is all straw.” Everything pales in comparison. He never wrote again. Do you suppose that we become truly human as God intended when we reach the end of our attempts to be something we intended? Do you suppose that we find ourselves in death? Perhaps Kierkegaard’s statement needs another context. “Now, with the help of God, I may become myself” may only be true when there is no more of myself left. What if taking up my cross is a statement about really dying? What if the sweet savor of sacrifice only comes when we are truly finished?
John isn’t the man I used to know, but I am sure he is the man I want to know. God is using him up in order to show us what it means to be baptized into death. Perhaps that’s what is so compelling and so frightening. There is someone else present in John today; someone who reminds me that my life isn’t really living until I am consciously dying.
Good night, my friend. I too must sleep. But I will see you in the morning. Please wait for me.
Topical Index: death, I Corinthians 15:55
“I discover that clarity is proportional to the awareness of the end of life. I realize that our most penetrating words come when death is upon us. Those words are without ego protection.” I found this extremely poignant. Thank you.
I love the imagery of being spent unto eternity ……emotionally , financially , …….I wonder what my Abba Father sees ???????
As sweet and sweeping as you’ve ever penned.
Thanks for sharing the impact of your experience.
Skip,
This post may be the best funeral eulogy ever penned.
I’m copying it for myself and sending it to my Pastor, Jeff Sumner, as well.
Thank you,
Bill Cummins
I believe a man like John has the right one standing by his side and sharing his journey. Watching a loved one pass is like sustaining an actual injury to the heart. I hope you’re taking extra care physically. Maybe you could ask Rosanne if she’ll rub your feet. It might help.
Emmersion into death. As I read this and focused on the reality of the cloak of death that we all ultimately face, it seems my collective body cells all stopped momentarily from their obligatory work and joined my death ponderings.
We all gazed upon that barrier of death. We can only get so close to peer over the chasm to try and capture a perceptive view. All we are offered is to view a shell of a body as it transitions somehow to the olam haba.
I see the same form but in a different way. Is he half here and half there? I don’t know and I want to know. All I can do is look and wonder.
Emmersed in to death. I hope when that appointed time for my death em erosion arrives that this side of olam haba for me will have reach a place of righteousness that reflects a job well done.
John, I didn’t know you here. I certainly want to know you there.
Please wait for me, too.
Skip,
Thanks for sharing your experience with your friend John. This writing was definitely “other world” penmanship. WOW!
Wow Skip, powerful reflections …
You are a wonderful friend to be able to connect with John’s heart at a moment that is so critically important for him to know you “get it”. I know it will give him a satisfying sense of closure..that his words and revelation are truly absorbed and will continue to impact and give life through you. Good job John – you did it! – and the spirit of your words will continue to give life. Blessings over you both.
This post……. and John….. makes me cry.That cross is heavy and I have to carry it such a long distance.Will I ever die before I die???? Sounds like he did. I wish I had known him.
“Do you suppose that we become truly human as God intended when we reach the end of our attempts to be something we intended? Do you suppose that we find ourselves in death? ”
Yes indeed Skip. Humility is the foundational grace. Without this God given grace we can never see reality and certainly cannot see the Father. Why are we told so many times to glory in out sufferings? Is the suffering more important from an eternal view than the blessings? Are the sufferings the true blessings this side of eternity?
I love that quote from Aquinas. Near the end, most of us discover that the bulk of our ministry amounted to straw except for those times when we acted by the Fathers own life. I am ashamed to say this is true of myself also. This is why loving Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, and my neighbor far MORE than myself is my only prayer these days. Father please bring me to death, that I may live by your love and life!!
My husband was diagnosed in late July with esophageal cancer, and we went the traditional route of chemo and radiation. Our congregation did a modified 40 day fast and prayed for his healing, as many across the US joined in. We were completely sure he would not only survive but thrive, and were absolutely shocked when his after treatment PET CT showed the cancer had spread to his liver and no more medical intervention was possible. He is now in his 4th week of hospice, and declines more each day.
It has been an amazingly difficult journey to move from “praying the prayer of faith”, daily making a decision to “Choose LIFE!”, quoting “Ron will not die, but live and declare the works of Yah”, to adjusting our expectations to what seems an inevitable demise (see, I’m still not willing to give up!). I have watched this robust, healthy, 70 year old man turn into a frail and weak “old man”. He always wanted to live to 120; the last few years he wanted to move to the Negev and plant a pecan grove. We joked about him living in a single wide trailer while I lived up in the Galilee somewhere – he would visit me in the summer and I him in the winter, and after I passed he would enjoy life with his second wife.
Last month you had a picture of fall leaves and a brief commentary on dying. I printed that, as I am this. No matter who else, family or friends, stand with you through this, we both find it at times a solitary and secret place – the Secret Place of El Elyon, where only under the shadow of His wings is there refuge. If I move the least bit from that place, I begin to feel robbed – we weren’t ready yet! We weren’t finished! Sometimes I feel a bit dis-integrated, trying to reconcile what I see before me with what I have believed from Scripture (YHVH is our Healer, etc).
And yet I know none of us live forever. I know death is inevitable for all of us in this Age.
Why do I fight it still?
Psalms 90:10a The days of our years are threescore years and ten….
Hebrews 9:27a …it is appointed unto men once to die….
Ps 116:15 Precious in the sight of YHVH is the death of his saints.
Eccl 7:1 A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth.
I read Ron your thoughts about your friend John. We relate in so many ways, and it is comforting to hear of another making this journey like John is…. I wish we might somehow have the same experience. At this point, we are acutely aware of not only the straw Aquinas spoke of, but the wood, hay, stubble Paul lists. So we are still comforted by those of the past 40 years who relate to us how we/Ron have blessed them in some way, through ministry, prayer, or service of some kind. I send out a weekly update/prayer request to many via email; some have told me they find it helpful in their own lives, and one friend responded with a prediction we would hear “well done” from the Lord – I replied there was a lot that was completely raw, a few things maybe half-baked, but that was the best it would be….
Perhaps we are not where John is because we have not yet been able to “let go”; perhaps your post will be a catalyst to help us do that. Even though it is Ron who is ill, I too am dying with him…. Thank you for sharing, and for giving me an opportunity to share where we are today.
Dear Carey,
Your words (and thank you so much for writing them) are the words near death that communicate life. Only in the face of death, only then, can we be truly human. The struggle in the Garden of Gethsemane is not poetic fiction. I am sure that you are dying too. How else could it be for “one basar – one flesh.” Of course we fight. What would life mean if we just gave in. That we fight is the affirmation that life has meaning. I am sure you know all this.
I do not doubt the sovereignty of God but I sometimes doubt His benevolence.
Skip, I identify so much with your doubts about God’s benevolence. I imagine you’ve turned it all over in your head and heart a million different ways, but…
When I doubt God’s benevolence, I remind myself that my children could surely question mine. I’m imperfect, and there’s no comparison between me and God. But am I as gentle with them as they need me to be? Probably not. I’m thinking of factors they can’t even imagine, and operating on a plane they can’t conceptualize yet. I am sure at times I seem harsh and removed to them.
I remind myself of how much of the “bad” that God has used for good. I have seen new life come from death, I have seen healing and restoration come from utter breakdown… these are stories woven into my own. Who could extract good from evil but the Author and the Source and the Creator? And why would he extract that good, if he were not benevolent?
I remind myself that we live in a broken world of our own design, and that He never wants us to forget how broken it is, that He wants us to see it, and feel it, as bad as it hurts, all to the end of fleeing the brokenness and surrendering our will and our false sense of sovereignty and control. We all have to return to the garden and unbelieve the lie that His provision isn’t enough, the lie that we can be better if we seek resources beyond what He allows and offers.
If God himself, who pleads with us to taste and see that He. is. GOOD, who tells us earnestly that he is gracious, merciful, abundant in loving kindness, cannot teach this lesson to us gently, then it must be that it simply cannot be taught gently.
He doesn’t always seem benevolent to me either. Know that I, and others I am certain, understand this. I always come back to… “Where else shall we go?” He has my heart, and my life is in his hands whether I choose to surrender to Him or not. I find him more gentle the more I surrender.
Alicia. Like.
Helpful insights, Alicia. Thank you.
Maybe understanding God’s benevolence hits at the root of our understanding of good — that what is intended for our benefit, seems only rarely to be pleasant or profitable from our vantage point. My prayers are with you, Judi and family, and Skip.
The issue of God’s benevolence has been a major conflict in my life, but I have come to the place where I can no longer afford to doubt it. I “came to salvation” in a “hell-fire and brimstone” Baptist church when at age 10 I was suddenly terrified of spending eternity in hell. We didn’t hear much about God’s love, or mercy, or compassion, or goodness. I had a stern, strict father who could pull off his belt in a split second if one of his kids needed discipline, so I saw God as someone just waiting to find me in error and take me to the woodshed.
The years I doubted God’s benevolence, through miscarriage and other kinds of death, unanswered prayer, “standing on the promises” and getting nothing, “speaking the Word” and naming and claiming, brought me a lot of doubt, fear, unbelief, suicidal depression which spanned over a decade.
Perhaps in some way we “make God in our own image”. I could not handle that non-benevolent God, a God without unlimited mercy for my petty sins, a God Who took out His wrath on my ignorance. I don’t watch holocaust moving; going to Yad vaShem in Jerusalem was exceedingly difficult. I avoid things that make me question His Goodness. I NEED God to be GOOD, to be Benevolent, even in the face of this horrible illness in my home, in the face of the Shoah, in face of pogroms and martyrdom and unspeakable persecution and torture. I NEED His mercy to be “new every morning”. I NEED Him to show me chen, chesed, racham, and every other word however translated or applied that means ultimately He is not only Good Himself but has my good in mind.
I NEED for not only Romans 8:28 to be true (that He works all things to my good…) but also Romans 8:29 (that I might be conformed to the image of His Son) because the second verse explains what “my good” is. It’s not always, even usually, what I might think. It’s not always, even usually, what I pray for or expect. I have to change my expectations, because the Sovereign Lord isn’t changing His! I Corinthians speaks of the Messiah being raised from the dead, and if He is not, how we are the most miserable of all men and our faith is in vain. I would also say that if God is not good, all the time, our faith is in vain and our misery complete.
God’s ways are not my ways, and His goodness is not always what I would call good. I want goodness to “feel good”. I want goodness to be on my terms. I want to understand, to be in agreement. But that is not His way… Like Aslan, of whom Tirian said “He’s not a tame lion.” or Mrs. Beaver, “oh, he’s not safe. But he’s good.” The Sovereign YHVH abides Faithful, and His Faithfulness IS Good.
You’ve articulated so much of what my heart feels too, Carey.
Thank you Alicia. In the past several years, both the Sovereignty and the Goodness of God have become my meditation and my consolation.
Another Gift: – A Set of Keys
“I preached … as a dying man would preach to dying men.”
(Richard Baxter- )
(http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/131christians/pastorsandpreachers/baxter.html )
~ have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined Him in His death?
~ For we died (with Him) and were buried with Christ by baptism. – And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives! ~
Just as He said, (yes) “Behold, – I make all things new!”
For not only are we “baptized (immersed) into His death.. (our story does not end here! -No, – not at all!) we also are (in our identification with Him) – raised to walk in newness of life!!
(Verily-verily, truly-truly, amen-amen,this is so-this is so!) – I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. (John 12.24)
This, is (for lack of a better word), – HUGE!
God has taken our greatest fear (Say, – who wants to die today? – Not me!) and has made “Death” our former “foe,” our dearest friend!
How may I say this to where it will be heard? (Sorry for the shout!) But friend, “TO DIE IS GAIN!!!”
There is just no way for us to lose!! For if we live- “Christ!” and should we die? – “GAIN!!”
It still has not “occurred” to some.. (Are you listening?) Christ has come and Christ has conquered!! The Victor has completely vanquished Death, Sin and the Grave! I feel my tangue becoming toungled just in remembrance of this! Oh, Hallelujah! Victory! Victory! Victory! (Where?) – *in Christ Jesus!
The Messiah has completely-totally-fully to the last degree, devastated, disabled and destroyed Death! And how did He do it? He was obedient to the will of the Father;- Obedient until His last breath. He died in order that others (including myself) might live! These words are true and faithful:
~ O Death, where is your sting? O Grave, where is your victory?
~ Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, (our humanity) He Himself likewise partook of the same things, that through Death He might destroy the one who has the power of Death..
I AM He that lives, and (once) was dead; and, behold, I AM alive for evermore, Amen; and I (now) have the keys of Hell and of Death!
The Lamb and the Lion are now One! ~ Then Jesus came near and said to them, (we need to hear this also!) ~ ALL authority has been given to Me in Heaven and on Earth ~ (Matthew 28.18) – Will be given? Friend, – are you listening? – “HAS been given!!” Hallelujah! – What a Savior!
~ And I will give unto you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on Earth will be loosed in Heaven ~
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgM8Wy4SXGg
Shabbat Shalom Skip! There are no words, absolutely no words, that I could pen which could convey what is in my heart now. This was so Divinely inspired and written with such eloquence. Your words just burned into my very being indescribable emotions and feelings! I think maybe you and David could collaborate on a hilltop as you guarded your sheep below. Father, I thank you for Skip who Shepard’s Your flock so well. Thank You for the gifts you have given Your slave who blesses us with them:) amein
PS/I am reading Guardian Angel now and Words To Lead By! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Pam for telling me about Skip!
Hope you are enjoying your CMATS I sent you:) I LOVE mine!
Beautiful. I’m sad for your loss of your great friend. But I can only hope God will spread my life all around and use it all for his glory, down to the last drop, as He is doing with your friend. Thank you for sharing with us.
Thank-you for sharing this view from the edge. I doubt I will ever forget reading it. Life-altering words, well-spoken. Blessings.
My pen was filled with tears writing the invisible words of sorrow
“I Corinthians 15:55: Amplified version of the Bible, states this exactly as the same version Skip used. As I was studying it, I noticed that the verse came from ( Hosea. 13:14). I turned to renew the teaching there; interesting that the verse comes from that unusual book of the O.T.
I have spent much time in studying dying and death since the departure of my husband of sixty-one years in June, 2013. The culture we live in for the most part refuses to let us see that ” Godly death” even those who truly care for us and want us to live the best live possible; push, shove, do everything in their power to make us move on in the “fullness of the gaiety of the world’s system”. But thank God there are some that are able to walk with the Heavenly Father right on into the world that is to come, and others be aware of it! What a great treasure!
LaVaye Billings
Your sorrow was apparent throughout, fillling every space not taken by your eloquent, intense words. Skip, IF you have not already read it, may I send you a copy of “Love is Stronger than Death” by Peter Kreeft? It was balm to my soul when our friend, Tom, passed away (elegantly) of leukemia 18 years ago. His passing left my best friend to finish raising their 9 children, and I was not so sure about God’s benevolence at that time either.
I have not read it. thanks.
Judi and Carey,
May you and your families continually experience the perfect peace of the Sar Shalom.
I have also walked this journey you both are on at this moment (My first wife died with a brain tumor). I know the reality of fighting for life for the one you love and, at the same time, releasing them to the ONE who holds them firmly in His capable hands. I know the extraordinary acts of love done by ourselves and others for our partners to bring them into life. Why is this not enough? I do not know. I do know this journey is one I would not have chosen, but I would not trade it for anything in this world. This is the tension and paradox of living and walking this journey of faith with our Father and the one He joins us with. This is “your” journey, Judi and Carey. Embrace, release, fight/war, rest, laugh, cry, be angry, but do not stay angry, and most of all, recall the great things YHVH has done in, through, and around your lives.
Praying that you will experience the overshadowing presence of the Ruler of Peace.
YHVH is King!