After the Fact
“so that you may remember and be ashamed and never open your mouth anymore because of your humiliation, when I have forgiven you for all that you have done,” the Lord God declares. Ezekiel 16:63 NASB
Be ashamed – How is shame connected to community? If we imagine the word reflects our cultural understanding, then we will think of shame as a private, internal matter, a state of mind that produces personal humiliation. But bosh is Hebrew and in Hebrew the idea is not about what happens in my head. It is about what happens in my public relationships. The stress in Hebrew is the communal impact of disgrace. The word emphasizes those actions that disturb or destroy community expectations and obligations so that the person involved is cut off from normal relationships. While there is some connection with sex (cf. Deuteronomy 25:11 where mebushim describes male genitals), the association of sex with shame doesn’t appear until Middle Hebrew (the written language of the Mishnah and Talmud). Shame appears as the opposite of the vitality of life. In other words, bosh diminishes living fully. It removes the person from God’s great design. The principle idea behind bosh is undergoing an experience that unseats the position or importance of the person. Obviously, this cannot occur unless the person is relationally engaged. It is worth noting that the use of the word in Genesis 2:25 cannot be understood sexually (“they were naked and not ashamed”). Genesis 2:25 expresses a state of proper relational existence between God, the man and the woman. Exposure of genitals has nothing to do with this. Shame is disgrace because of failure, not the absence of covering.
Ezekiel reveals something critically important about shame. God uses it! Read the sixteenth chapter of Ezekiel. Israel is likened to an adulterous woman worse than the nations of her kindred. She sought other lovers and paid for them to ravish her. God judged her iniquities, bringing shame upon her. She was publicly disgraced, but God used her shame to underscore His faithfulness and His intention to return Israel to the proper covenant relationship. In other words, Israel must remember her shame in order to realize that God never abandoned her. Shame becomes the vehicle of covenant reiteration. Remembering what God has done produces gratefulness, not withdrawal.
What have we learned? First, we learn that our private shame is ours, not God’s. We are the ones who produced it and promote it. If we want to step away from addiction, we must come back to the place where we are supposed to be—next to the One who knows us in spite of our attempts to hide. Secondly, we learn that public shame presupposes life is relational. We are not our own. To live fully, we must belong and belonging is the Genesis expression “naked and not ashamed,” the proper relational transparency. Finally, we learn that God doesn’t care about our shame. He cares about what we do with it. We are to use it as a reminder that He has not left us. He forgives us and that once forgiven the covenant continues despite our previous self-centered isolation. We learn to give up hiding when we realize He has been asking about us all along.
Topical Index: shame, bosh, Ezekiel 16:63, forgiveness
I don’t know if I have this quote right, but somewhere, Skip, you said that the definition of true humility is the acceptance of what is. I liked that. It has been wonderfully useful to me.
Now, y’all, the following is PURELY where I am at with this subject, and as my own perspective, should be considered purely subjective; so, please don’t consider using me as any kind of authority on anything! I am retaining the right to be wrong, here. Thank you!
I think shame is some sort of false, or misplaced, or misused, humility. It is actually, in my mind, more of a crooked relation to what is: (truth, reality, whatever you want to call it). Shame says that we are incorrectly lined up with that reality; with that order. It says that something is going to have to shift before we are going to have that order in our lives restored. Shame can send me either back to the drawing board to change something about myself to restore that order, whether it is relational with others, with God, or even with myself (I can embarrass myself), or it can choose to indulge the yetzer ha-ra, and seek to cover itself up with – Ta-da! Pride!
I learned something, those schitzoid years that I was the worst off, and fear was my overwhelming driver. I had to remain functional, because I had to take responsibility for others, and, conversely, there was no one that was going to catch me if I fell, anyway, so I decided to examine my fears, instead of indulge them. What I found were different classifications. Some were functional (don’t go out in the street in front of trucks) – which is not such a clear-cut ‘duh’ when you are battling suicidal tendencies at the same time(!) – and some were clearly non-functional and stupidly paranoidal (everyone is out to get me). I had to learn to differentiate between them, and decide to ignore some, and to listen to others.
I think shame is in a similar category for me. I have a choice of how I am going to analyze and react to shame. Frankly, I can be handed shame as a side effect of accusation in my life, and get told that it is ‘true’ – that it is correct info about a situation – but in fact, is not useful, but is false info designed to drive me farther away from relationship. A voice can come to me as if it were the voice of God, and tell me that I am worthless. (Now, does that really make any sense if heaven actually emptied its entire storehouse of riches to redeem me? Huh? So why do we listen to THAT?) I digress. Anyway, shame makes you want to hide. Now, I want to ask you, is that something that the Mind of Yeshua would ever give us? When I choose to invite His Mind to inform my life, is that going to be what I get? The voice of shame? Really?
SO, just like the devil’s counterfeit for the conviction of conscience (which would be condemnation), I think there exists, if not an actual counterfeit for shame, at least a wrong application for it. The devil invented NOTHING, this I know. He just kills, steals, and destroys what is. If shame exists to inform me that I am out of line with what is, then, just like conviction, it should come packaged with its own ram in the thicket; its own correct analysis of the situation, and an accompanying remedy. THAT is the Voice I should be listening for. That is the Voice of my Shepherd. So, what is the wrong voice going to be telling me, besides the obvious accusations and condemnations? Well, I have learned something interesting, I think.
The ungodly reaction to shame that our flesh has to offer is Pride. In fact, wherever you find pride, you are going to find that it is a rock under which shame is going to be found. Proud people are shame-based people. The only reason people are going to choose pride, in fact, is if they are actually believing that they do not already have worth, which is what shame tells us. Pride, in fact, is what we are tempted with to cover shame with. Pride, then, is a fig leaf. At that point, shame has been retained; chosen as the new standard of ‘truth’ about ourselves, instead of dealt with. Shame gives the yetzer ha-ra the lie (“you are worthless”) that it ‘needs’ to believe to turn around and choose that sin of pride to compensate for that lie!
When we retain fear instead of dealing with it, it turns into a toxic, non-ending source of false ‘energy’ (adrenaline!) that drives the yetzer ha-ra with a non-ending source of lies that that fear is based upon. When we retain shame, instead of dealing with it, it likewise turns into a non-ending source of ego-stroking pride (dopamine, mainly, I am betting) that is the fleshly substitute for the Master’s “Well done”. I do know that dopamine severely out of whack can drive schitzophrenia. My rebellious years, I got out of bed with it. And paid, too. When you do deals with the devil, you always pay your gold for his dross. I think the ‘energy’ he offers is always going to come out of a plug that he has plugged into your own nether regions, and it is designed to suck you dry. You are always going to lose more than you gain! Guaranteed!
So what should be there instead of shame? Humility. To stay in humility, in fact, is to stay out of shame. Humility, in fact, is the Voice that I SHOULD be listening to. Shame occurs whenever we attempt to take a ride on pride; we lift ourselves up (“puffed up” is what the KJV calls it in 1Cor. 13). It is supposed to alert us to the places our ego is out of line. But, what do we tend to get tempted with to ‘deal’ with that shame? MORE pride! We get defensive, and accusatory. We SHIFT BLAME. That is the work of pride.
To resist pride, then, has this glorious side effect of being able to stay out of shame, too! Who knew! And, yes, I have found that shame-based people are going to be proud people; people who are impervious to correction. That is the nasty effect of retained shame: it gives you the rock of pride to hide under so as to successfully resist correction, even though shame is supposed to be alerting us to the fact that correction is in order. Now, does this make any sense? That’s why it’s evil!
So I see set before me the choice of humility, which is designed to communicate to me How Things Really Are, as opposed to the choice of shame, which communicates to me How Things Are Already Out Of Line. But shame does not ‘happen’ to me against my will. Hmm. How do I ‘choose’ shame? By choosing pride. The Word tells us: “Pride goeth before a fall.” Now, what kind of fall would THAT be?
P.S. I keep forgetting the punch line. I am convinced that the flesh chooses to retain shame as useful, instead of dealing with it, as a counterfeit ‘righteousness’. We always want to believe we are being righteous, but the yetzer ha-ra is going to insist that ITSELF is the source of that righteousness. So how do we fool ourselves that we are being humble, which everyone (should) knows they should be? I think we can be tempted to believe we are being ‘humble’ in the places that we are actually just being ashamed. In that way, pride gets to stay. Under that mutual rock that it shares with that shame. They agree to take turns! Ok, I am getting tickled here, so I think I am going to quit already!
Final remedy (in case there are any ‘fat minds’ out there!): I have found that shame is a sin because it is a substitute for humility. I have to repent it to be able to get its voice and its effects out. I am listening to the wrong station. But that is not enough, as I have to consider the package it invariably comes in. I have to go looking not only for the lies that shame is based on (variations of “you are worthless”) which I am listening to because I don’t want the responsibility of true relationship in that place: I also have to go looking for pride, and the lies it is based on (which are variations of “I don’t NEED you!”). When I repent of all that, I have to choose to fill my house back up with what should have been there instead, which is the humility of “Yep, I sure do need you, and I am also agreeing to accept the responsibility of your need for me”. Then, and only then, does shame shut up. At least for me!
I need to let that roll around in my mind for a while.
Don’t break a tooth on it! Its been rolling around in mine for years now, and is by no means crystal clear! Have mercy!
With all due respect, Laurita, I think you’ve missed the point and are looking at the idea of shame from a Greek paradigm rather than Hebrew.
If I’m understanding Skip’s TW posts of the last several days, shame (bosh) is the wake-up call, not the sin. When we miss the mark, and subsequently experience bosh, we are ripe for restoration. When Adam and Havvah “were naked and not ashamed,” at that time, they did not have shame (bosh) because they were transparent — they were in right relationship with YHVH. Bosh came as a result of missing the mark. Bosh was the awareness that there was no longer communal relationship with God, that their individual desire took precedence over God’s desire. Somehow, that seems to me to be part of God’s hesed, that bosh was created as an opportunity to recognize the loss of position next to Him, so that we can return to Him.
A good analysis of the role of bosh in Hebrew thought, Suzanne. We do not repent of shame. It is the communal recognition that there is some reason to repent. Greek shame is interior, psychological wounding. Hebrew shame is exterior, public recognition that fellowship has been broken.
This makes “Confess your sins to ONE ANOTHER…..that you may be healed” (James 5:16) come into greater light. Guess this is why in 1 John 1:6-10 when John is speaking of sin and forgiveness, he begins every verse with, “IF WE…”; NOT, “If YOU……..”
“Our” paradigm of a “me” concept is being evaporated as our little group learns and walks out what YHWH is teaching us.
Thank you Skip and Suzanne!
Indeed, it does, David. Hadn’t even thought of that one. Thank you!
Thanks Suzanne. Very clear and easy to follow.
Suzanne and Skip, both of you are correct. Public shame, or bosh, shame, has a remedial, corrective function, and is a CONSEQUENCE of sin. Yes.
However, I am saying that I think many of us suffer from a toxic component that comes to us in the FORM of shame, and tells us that we have no worth. That is a flat out lie. If I listen to that lie, I will be tempted to believe another lie, and that lie is that I have to knuckle under and give up. Toxic shame is the name I have seen some people call it. It is a terrible curse to suffer but I am maintaining that this shame is a choice that we continue to suffer because we have to have a ‘reason’ for choosing pride, and this interior, ungodly, flesh-generated shame is a chronic, interiorly- retained form of what was intended to be a temporary, remedial, type of PUBLIC information. They are not the same thing! One, I believe, DOES come from God; the other is a form of temptation. Godly shame shines a light and provides a powerful motivation to CHANGE, but the other serves to bind us in more and more sin; namely, pride. In other words, I believe that there can be two different SOURCES. Otherwise, where would the interior,job of that Greek-based thinking that you mentioned be coming from? Somebody has to be misapplying or making it up, and for what purpose?
I ran smack into this problem as a child. I understood shame to be my cue for change perfectly well, and it had always worked. However, when my family got attacked, I woke up in toxic shame, that drove me ever further into the sins of the yetzer ha-ra. It was shame that suddenly MADE NO SENSE, and no matter how perfectly I responded to it, it did not serve to remediate me. It had a different ‘voice’ too, but I remained fooled for a long time. I finally realized that it was NOT the Voice of the Shepherd. Fear and shame are not His Voice, and not His Mind, and I need to RUN from those places! They were telling me things that were not the truth!
I believe bosh, or public shame, gives correct information, and is telling us the truth. I am not disputing that. But I am maintaining that, like fear, there is a ungodly APPLICATION of shame that is based on a lie; namely the lie of my worthlessness, and serves to drive a wedge BETWEEN myself and God, self and others. If you are going to talk about healthy shame, then I am saying that confusion is going to be a risk unless you can talk about the other face of shame; the INTERIOR shame you mention that most of us are actually already suffering from, like a low-grade fever, that is binding us, not liberating us. We have to be able to learn the difference. I am asking that you speak to both, or else some of us may be tempted to continue to apply the INTERIOR, toxic variety and mistake it for the EXTERIOR, Godly variety. I am maintaining that one is to be listened to; the other is to be repented of, but we need to be able to recognize the difference.
I guess what I am trying to spit out here is that I believe that the SOURCE of healthy, Godly shame is going to be coming from true humility, which is a recognition of WHAT IS, but that the so-called toxic, ungodly shame – that interior, Greek-based thinking you refer to – is going to actually be sourced in the opposite of humility, which is pride. If the devil is a liar and a destroyer and a thief what makes us think that he has not been messing with this, too? I think he has been messing with all of it! Else, why would we need to be given discernment?
Sorry – I still think the problem is that you are trying to mesh the Greek with the Hebrew, and it won’t work. Until you stop trying to make them work together, you will continue to have a confused understanding. Try looking at it from a new direction — this is hard, because it won’t necessarily make “sense” from your past experience.
Well, then, I am asking for help here, because what I am trying to do is DIFFERENTIATE between the Hebrew and the Greek, for the purposes of clearing up confusion. If you are hearing the opposite, no wonder I am getting nowhere!
Can you help me with the difference between the Greek and the Hebrew? What did not make sense for me in the past was exactly that meshing you are talking about, and what I am trying to do here is to try to help someone else who may be making the same mistake I think I did. Can you help?
I think there is a big difference between the godly sorrow that works repentance, and the kosmos lype, or worldly sorrow, that works death, as outlined in 2Cor. 7:10. I think the difference is in the origin of the specific ‘sorrow’ which is shame.
Godly shame that works repentance is going to originate in the public realm, as Skip points out, and it is going to appeal to humility, for the proposes of restoring relationship. In the context of community lies the opportunity of restoration.
Worldly shame, on the other hand, I posit is a sorrow that works death, and is going to be precisely that interior, self-generated perpetuation of a profound sense of lack of worth. This is a toxic condition, as it bears the fruit of hiding and employs the defense of pride, thus making it impossible for a community to help bring about the restorative effect of change.
Even Proverbs recognizes the root of worldly shame. In Proverbs 11:2 we read “When pride cometh, then cometh shame; but with the lowly is wisdom.” Here, humility is CONTRASTED with shame, which is ranked over on the side of pride.
The reason I wish to continue this dialogue is not for myself, but for others who have been, or are still experiencing, this worldly-generated shame on some level, and consequently are finding themselves hiding, instead of being open to the community. If the sorrow is not bearing the fruit of repentance, then I am suggesting it may be not of God: in other words, it may actually have its roots in pride, and not in humility.
If you have not been shamed with the shame of this world, then I may not actually be able to explain it to you. If you have never been the victim of rape, or satanic ritual abuse (SRA) or systematic devaluing for the purposes of evil coming through others, then you may have never suffered a shame that is not of God: a worldly shame that binds and drives you into a wilderness of your own making until you are only a shell of yourself, with no sense of self complete enough to even know what to bring to a community, much less know HOW to respond to such a toxic overload. Shame is not useful, here! Even in lesser contexts, this type shame is one of the very top ways the world has of controlling others, and it uses it by appealing to pride IN THE NAME OF HUMILITY, or public accountability. I am talking nasty stuff, here. Not your average, garden-variety “oops, I goofed” thing. I am talking about BEING SHAMED by others, through no fault of the victim. I am not into blaming victims. I am trying to help them. Please help me help them by not forgetting their plight! Thank you.
Worldly shame, godly shame, Hebrew, Greek…my head is spinning! I may be guilty of over-simplification, but innocent people who feel ashamed because of what has happened to them need to realize that the sin is against God. Whatever horrors let loose on them are done to God. The shame is against the perpetrators, not the victims. The suffering need help to see this.
Yes, sir. Against You have I sinned, said David. I will be exploring this in upcoming TW’s. But shame is the result of failure, sin or otherwise, and we feel it and so do others. Knowing how it should return us to the arms of YHVH is the key.
Laurita, I really empathize with the difficulty you are having here. It is so hard to put aside everything we know and start again, but that’s the only way to do this. Your point that “shame is not useful here” is exactly the kind of reaction you have to move away from. From the Hebraic sense, shame IS useful.
Now, to your other point: you cannot presume that you are the only person who has been through hell and back. You don’t know the trouble I’ve seen. But no matter what attack we have endured, we are always given a choice in how we respond. I HAVE been subject to vile evil from others, and I have suffered as a shell of a person, but at some point I had to decide to live there or live on. I chose to live on.
Now let’s put aside which of us is the greater victim, shall we? It’s not pertinent to the issue. You asked for help, and I’m trying to help you understand the most rudimentary steps for seeing this in another way. The first step is to stop trusting your first reactions! Our initial reactions are always going to be based on the most familiar paradigm. Once that happens, it makes it nearly impossible to see things in another way.
God designed shame (bosh) to bring us back into relationship with Him; if that’s not what’s happening to you, then it is not because of the failure of bosh, but because your cultural paradigm has redefined it. Your arguments and your proof texts are all in support of the redefinition. I think you are confusing alienation with bosh. Alienation, being alone and isolated, is the response we make when we refuse to let bosh turn us back to YHVH. It is exactly what Adam did. No one did it to him, he did it to himself. We are only alienated from God when we turn our backs on Him. When I turn and renew my union with Him, I find the strength to stand in the face of social isolation.
That sounds fair enough, Suzanne. I don’t want to get difficult or confuse anybody, either.
I am also willing to reset the paradigm. I try to do that often, anyway. And, yes, suffering has the effect of turning us around. I like everything you said. Everything.
And, yes, I think I am trying to represent the paradigm that the world has to work from, precisely because if I can get someone to engage with it, and to walk ME out from there, I will have been given the tools to walk others out, too. I know how I got out, and that is useful. What I want to see is how YOU get someone that truly is trying to get beyond that paradigm, that point of suffering, to the point represented here, which is to restore the correct function of shame.
There is, without doubt, a toxic misrepresentation, or override, or Wrong Way To Think About It, when it comes to shame. And, the world uses it to dominate with. To reclaim shame back to usefulness, to get it back out of that dis-function that does not come like a blessing from heaven, but like a scourge from hell, please speak to this.
Shame is used every day to control. Fear is used every day to control. Guilt is, too. They are useful tools in the hands of people intent upon taking advantage of others. I think there are specific attributes, tendencies and beliefs that we carry that leave us vulnerable to the control of others using ungodly methods for ungodly reasons. There are also ways to not be susceptible.
If you just say that all shame is useful, I am afraid you are unwittingly giving unholy license to others who know very well how to get what they want from others using these attributes. Are they all ministers of heaven? Should we just stand by and ‘let’ people do this? How about the people who have learned to shame, scare and guilt trip themselves? Is this a function of righteousness?
Jumping in… “Shame is used every day to control. Fear is used every day to control. Guilt is, too”. That’s true too. Ungodly folks, even those who purport to be believers, are doing the same :- ( , that is they enjoy doing that to hurt or intimidate vulnerable folks, who may not be the outspoken ones, or someone new to the area.
But, we do have the choice of walking away. Why subject ourselves to unrighteous abuse, or false allegations?! We refuse to be hurt!
Stand firm, stay strong, sis, you are doing fine. Shalom!
Laurita, please stop and listen for a minute. None of my comments were about the trauma you have experienced in your life, or the aftermath of that trauma. You have maligned me, when you claim in today’s post that I told you that you were “just reacting ‘wrong’ and needed to get myself back to looking, acting and thinking ‘right’ so as to be accepted again.” NOTHING could be further from the truth. I took you at your word, that you wanted to understand how to begin to see things from a Hebraic perspective. My comments were entirely directed at how to help appreciate the difference in MEANING between the Hebrew “bosh” and the English “shame”. There is no reflection here on your experiences, only on how you interpret what Skip is saying. My suggestions were based on my own struggles as I wrestled with how to see outside my own cultural paradigm. I’m sorry that you found them offensive, but no offense was intended on my part.
Suzanne, thank you for engaging with me. I didn’t say that quote to you! That was my reaction of years ago…
I have struggled with shame because so many times I have found myself standing in that courtyard with Peter, denying my Lord, the shame crawling over me. So many times I have been ashamed of the Gospel, of those who needed me most, of the life I was given, of the challenges in front of my face.
I finally began to realize that the only way I was going to be able to quit that shame was to repent for it. I know Peter repented on the seashore for his shame, and that was my example. Someday I hope to stand with Paul and say that I am NOT ashamed of my Lord. The only way I have found to get myself going in that direction, however, is to repent myself out of the hole I found myself in. The shame that sends me into hiding is not from God. It just cannot be.
Interesting article on Shame and Guilt…
Shame and Illness: A Jewish Perspective
Michelle E. Friedman, M.D.
“I approach the topic of “Shame and Illness” from my twin perspectives as psychoanalyst and traditional Jew. This written piece contains material prepared for the forum held at New York Medical College on June 14, 2004 as well as issues raised that evening via case vignette presentation and audience participation.
I hope to discuss a number of points. My starting place is a definition of shame, especially as contrasted to its sister emotion, guilt. I then look at shame from a Jewish point of view, using three classical texts and mentioning a variety of cultural traditions. Next, as most of my professional medical experience is in psychiatry, I highlight the specific shame of psychiatric illness in the Jewish and larger community. The last portion of my spoken presentation was a practical charge to health care professionals – suggestions as to how understanding of Jewish attitudes towards shame and illness, can better serve our patients. Discussion at the forum expanded my topic in two directions that I will mention in this paper. Firstly, people wondered if traditional religious attitudes and customs continue to be meaningful for assimilated Jews. The group also voiced interest in exploring how the roles of psychiatrist and chaplain (or other religious personnel) differ in the face of illness.
Shame and guilt live side by side. Guilt, perhaps the most personal and internal of emotions, is born out of identification with and internalization of parental and societal prohibitions. These superego standards forbid various boundary transgressions. Inevitably, boundaries are overstepped and rules are broken. The person guilty of such violations suffers a sense of wrongness and a fear of punishment. He/she seeks to relieve the isolation and burdensome secret of sin.
Shame, on the other hand, must be understood in the context of group culture. Shame implies a failure to live up to internalized parental and larger societal goals, i.e. what a person “should be like”. The shamed person experiences his/her failure as a lowering of personal dignity in the eyes of the group and fears ridicule, contempt or expulsion. In his book Feelings, my teacher, Dr. Willard Gaylin, brilliantly offers a literary handle which helps differentiate shame and guilt. Simply think of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s classic, The Scarlett Letter. Hester Prynne, the accused adulteress forced to wear the emblem of her sin on her clothing, lives with public contempt on a daily basis. In contrast, Reverend Dimmesdale, suffers his sin in isolation – as Hester Prynne’s secret lover he knows that he has violated a most basic code of his society. Each day brings new agony of being found out and destroyed.
Traditional Jewish view posits a divinely created universe. God’s plan calls for Jews to live as holy individuals in holy communities in accordance with precepts and rules as explicated in the Bible (here I refer to the Pentateuch, also known as the Torah or Old Testament). From the first chapters of Genesis on, we see humankind struggling to resolve interpersonal and intergroup conflict. These meaning making narratives depict their characters wrestling with powerful and sometimes contradictory impulses. Later texts, comprising what is known as the oral tradition, include the Talmud and generations of commentary. These works establish an essential tension regarding illness. In a divinely ordered and ultimately just universe, sickness must be determined by God. Mankind seeks to understand the scales of God’s judgment and interprets infliction of maladies as punishment for wrongdoing. In this view, illness becomes a public sign of sin, a visible stigmata of shame. At the very same time, however, Jewish tradition brings enormous attention to attitudes and behaviors regarding the support and comfort of the sick.
Shame is a powerful operative dynamic in Jewish tradition where individual personal and religious destiny can only be truly fulfilled through membership in the larger units of family, tribe, and nation. The concept of individual salvation plays a much less dominant role in Judaism as compared with Christianity. Shame relies on group context. Shame sanctions figure significantly in classical Jewish texts. For example, Levirate marriage, outlined in Deuteronomy 25:5-10 requires that a widow spit in the face of the brother-in-law who rejects her as a wife. His refusal to redeem her plight as a childless widow sentences her to low social and economic status. Hence, he too must share the burden of shame.
Shame is recognized entity in Jewish legal tradition. The Talmud, the multi-volume compilation of Jewish law, edited in the 4th-6th centuries, discusses specific categories of monetary compensation for shame caused in different circumstances. Linguistically, “”shame” has a rich heritage in Hebrew and Aramaic. Several different word roots convey states of “shame” bw-sh, klm, plh, hrp hpr, sh-pl, mkk . These roots can be grammatically worked into noun format, referring to the state of shame, or into active verbs, referring to the activity of causing shame or being shamed. The same could not be said for “guilt”. A person can be sh-m, guilty of committing wrong doing, a “sin”, or considered a ra-sha, or wicked/guilty one, but there is no ancient Biblical word for a state of guilty feeling.
As Judaism is a text-based tradition, my presentation includes a source sheet containing three passages from classical Jewish literature arranged in chronological order. I now refer to the first and earliest source, the Torah, Numbers 12, where the link between punishment for wrong doing, illness, and shame is established.
The passage describes Miriam’s punishment for speaking out against her brother Moses. Both Miriam and Aaron criticize Moses for marrying a Cushite woman and for being God’s favorite prophet. God becomes angry and strikes Miriam with a plague, commonly referred to as leprosy. The passage poses many perplexing questions that have occupied the attention of countless exegetes, not the least of which is why Miriam alone is singled out for punishment. For the purpose of this paper, however, I focus only on sin, illness and shame.
Once stricken, Miriam remains silent for the rest of the chapter. Aaron, on the other hand, immediately mobilizes into action. He acknowledges his culpability along with that of his sister and implores Moses to intervene with God. A plaintive wave of urgency moves the verses as Moses cries out the most succinct prayer of the entire Bible “Heal her, O God, I beseech thee”.
God’s reply secures the connection between shame and illness. Miriam must be temporarily ostracized; kept separate from the camp just like a shamed daughter whose father has spit in her face. Yet the very next sentence yields completely different information. The entire camp waits a full week until Miriam can rejoin them. The people need and love their flawed heroine. Illness and shame are counterbalanced by compassion and community support.
The many volumes of the Talmud incorporate the central legal precepts and ethical teachings of ancient Judaism. Performance of these positive commandments, or mitzvoth, promises reward in this world and in the hereafter. In addition, each mitzvah requires personal commitment and participation. The list is demanding – besides visiting the sick, it includes honoring parents, practicing kindness, regular attendance in prayer and study, hospitality to strangers, dowering the bride, attending the dead to the grave, and making peace between fellow men. Not all people can perform every task but all are obligated to remind themselves daily of the noble goal of trying to make the best possible effort.
Maimonides, the great 12th century commentator, and also a physician, further explicates the above mitzvoth. The third source, Chapter 14 of his Mishnah Torah details specific behaviors and attitudes incumbent on visitors to the sick. These passages demonstrate an extraordinary sensitivity to the shame and loneliness of the sick person. A deep understanding of shared vulnerability underwrites Maimonides’ instructions and injunctions. We all share in this human condition; we are all potential patients. Our goal is to be a Godly community. To support the sick is to identify with a caring God.
Visiting the sick is not just a kind, charitable activity. Such precision restores dignity. Like Miriam, the sick person hovers on the margins of society. Community must be created with that individual to undo his/ her shame.
Traditional Jewish liturgy responds to the need to cure illness and relieve the burden of shame. The central prayer, known as the silent devotion or Amida is written in first person plural and contains a section petitioning God to heal the sick, “Heal us, O Lord, and we shall be healed; save us and we shall be saved; for thou art our praise. Grant a perfect healing to all our wounds. This grammar enjoins the individual at prayer to be mindful of fellow Jews who are sick. Jews, who are mandated to recite the Amida three times each day, may insert the name of specific ill persons during this petition.
While all illness carries its share of indignity, I regularly encounter the shame of psychiatric illness. Patients struggling with depression, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, to name just a few mental disorders, feel that their very souls are defiled, that their characters are besmirched. We all feel sad or anxious at times. Why do depressives slip into abysses of despair? Why are the demons of schizophrenics so much more tormenting?
A large sign paid for by one of the national movements for mental health, graces the side of a building on 72nd street between Columbus Avenue and Broadway. It reads “Depression is a failure of chemistry, not character”. As many patients coming to my office on the west side of Manhattan pass by that sign on the way to the subway, I encourage them to look up at those words and think about what they mean. We work together to make some kind of sense out of their psychological suffering. Medications can and do provide enormous relief. Insight helps reduce symptoms and provide more adaptive responses to stressors. The borderland between chemistry and character remains unclear. Emotionally ill people surely need support in the face of struggle that is less visible than physical disease. Lack of such support may lead to denial of illness and non-compliance with treatment.
Mindfulness of the inherent shame of physical and mental illness greatly influences diagnosis, treatment and ongoing care. A health worker who is non-judgmental and respectful will not be afraid to ask important questions especially about behaviors and attitudes that may have serious consequences such as sexual habits and substance use. Bringing up such topics in a neutral tone of voice acknowledges the vulnerability of the human condition and gives patients permission to talk about their real lives.
The case vignettes brought many of these issues to life. The pediatric chief resident presented a tragic situation of a young child neurologically devastated secondary to a near drowning that occurred during the parents’ watch. Each time the child comes for necessary medical attention, the parents face critical and questioning attitudes from medical personnel. Even as the chief resident presented the story at the forum, I found myself thinking “How could parents let such a terrible thing happen? Where were they, what were they doing?” The panelists and audience discussed ways in which the parents’ burden of shame might be alleviated. A document of the child’s history could be prepared so that the parents need not retell and relive the whole nightmare every time the child required hospitalization. In addition, joining a support group might provide a unique community to share feelings and support.
A second case dealt with a woman with breast cancer. Her teen-age daughters seem ashamed of the signs of their mother’s treatment, such as her wig. We addressed the terror people typically feel with a cancer diagnosis. Even though her medical prognosis may be very hopeful, this woman and her family harbor fantasies of her demise and death. Such fears are often displaced onto side issues. Helpful interventions might include counseling so that each family member can safely hear what the others are dealing with. Again, as in the case of the child, this woman, her husband and the children might benefit from information as to the availability of niche support groups and other advocacy organizations. Such opportunities help people struggling with devastating and demoralizing medical situations find ways to be pro-active and powerful.
Audience participation raised the issue of secular people and their relationship to religious attitudes towards illness. Perhaps the old adage “There are no atheists in a foxhole” might be reworked for this discussion into something like “There is no one in a hospital bed who doesn’t appreciate a prayer for recovery”. I have been struck many times by how the most non-traditional of Jews are touched by a more traditional co-religionist’s offer to visit a sick person or to recite his/her name during prayer. To be helpful, a hospital chaplain must cultivate a sincerely non-judgmental attitude. This does not necessitate that he/she suspend religious values or standards, but rather that the chaplain be able to listen compassionately to whatever the patient needs to say. Even if that person has lived a life entirely unconnected or even contrary to religious tradition, he/she can derive enormous support during the physical and spiritual assault of illness.
Finally, I want to touch on the question about the different domains of chaplain and mental health professional. In theory, they are different. Shame, fear, sadness, rage are among normal feelings that may accompany illness. To cry or to be angry are not necessarily pathological responses. Chaplains can be enormously helpful in sitting with patients, listening to them, thereby giving permission to express these powerful emotions.”
Long article, but so helpful. Shalom.
Thank you Esther. Excellent article, and good reminders for me.
I’ve recently volunteered with a local Jewish organization, to regularly visit Jewish shut-ins. As a retired RN, I am looking forward to being a caring, listening ear, without any demands to hurry off to tend to another patient, which was always the necessity when employed. Maybe I’ll have the joy and priviledge of praying the SHEMA with some of the new friends I’ll be making.
YHVH, The Most High, be praised.
Marci
I sometimes wonder how people can turn around and head back when they have never been on the right road to begin with. Would those who were taught that Torah was legalism, or “fulfilled” and not applicable, be considered repentant Israel or more like Abraham or Ruth? I think the root of the problem might just lie more in accepting the idea that we still may need to wrestle with YHVH before the covenant promises triumph over the old shame. Another practical problem is that there aren’t many local places where Moses is read and people embrace and teach how Yeshua is the greater Prophet written about in the Tanak in order to learn and practice the Way of righteousness. I think another generator for shame lies in trying to make a scapegoat out of a person, or group of people, because the Messiah’s sacrifice requires Him to be Lord, as well as Savior, to be effectual. Most Gentiles are taught it is taboo to shame or blame Jesus. If there is someone else to place the blame on and shame, then maybe one can feel warm and cozy without having to have that scary and humbling encounter with holy fire. There are those who choose to burn (shame) someone else rather than acquire the cleansing holy fire as instructed. A scapegoat has challenges that come from being the recipient of bullying shaming in addition to those common to all people as a result of sin. Could this be an example of what is meant by the serious warning for those who cause little ones to stumble?
Ester, Marci and Theresa! I will be busy many days with what you have just given me! Thank you so much! I can’t tell you how much you have given me to work with! Thank you for the compassion! Thank you for hearing me! I serve people who have been directly devastated, shamed and devoured. You are giving me ways and means to reach them. Keep going! I need more! Halleluah!
Laurita Hayes: You have missed Skip’s points regarding shame. Skip is showing how (the Hebrew) shame is a good thing that brings us back to God; you continue to turn things upside down by bringing up issues in your past and trying to justify your “understanding” through a Greek lens. In addition, your long exhausting diatribes are HIJACKING THIS POST; you are actually turning Skip’s points around to adapt them to your personal pain. In your earlier posts, you used these phrases: “I believe…; At least for me; and I am retaining the right to be wrong here.” That’s good, because you are wrong as evidenced by continuing to justify your thinking which is based on a Greek paradigm, not a Hebrew paradigm. It’s obvious you don’t understand what Skip is saying, and that’s fine; however, realize that if what I write offends you, then that is YOUR CHOICE; You will have chosen to be offended. My hope is that you will stop blathering about past hurts from decades ago and be free from Greek constraints that hinder your from seeing/learning Hebrew thought. Your previous responses are all from Greek thinking. If you CHOOSE to continue to think like the
Greeks, how do you ever expect to see things from a Hebrew perspective?
Thank you, Michael and Brian, both equally. Everybody here is dear to me! Thank you for your patience and your engagement. That spells care to me. Thank you most of all for telling me where you are at.
I wanted to state for the record that I, personally, am at a truly happy point of my life, and please forgive me for yelling! I am happy and free and don’t mean to process anything personal here. What I WOULD like to do is give back; not just here, but in my own life community, what I have received. When I speak up, I am trying to help others. Not everybody is happy yet! Not everybody can speak. Because I do not want to compromise the anonymity of others, I feel I need to couch the issues I need the help for, in my own personal terms, because I don;t know a better way, but if that is still offensive to someone at all then I need to know so I can figure out a better way to do that. Thank you for your feedback, Brian! If I can speak, then I must learn how to speak for those who cannot, but I cannot do that if somebody does not help me. Thank you for trying to help me. I am not offended! I am thrilled! I wasn’t offended before! BUT, I am trying to help people who are not where I am. I need tools. If I am out of line, let me know! If anybody wants me to be quiet, I will be happy to never speak. I don’t wish to offend anybody. It is not personally fun for me to hang all out. Happiness for me in the flesh is a week’s walk into the wilderness, where I am alone with nature, and nobody knows where I am. I get happy; way too happy. Being ‘visible’, being heard, and on such awful topics, no less; well, I just don’t go ask! Not my druthers! This is a new skill set for me. I cannot tell you how much I wish to apologize for being so, well, however you say I am. I am sorry. I know I am lacking.
Laurita Hayes, YOU are loved and greatly appreciated on this site. Your insight, humor and stories are a fresh breeze in this community. Your ability to communicate is, as you are now discovering, a two edged sword, but that is a good thing-for you and us. Hang in there. I stand with you in your struggles and wrestling with understanding and dealing with shame. While a paradigm shift from Greek to Hebrew understanding may indeed be necessary don’t think that that alone is the answer. Continue to seek, struggle and speak. Yah is listening and so shall we (most of us). Welcome to our community and thank you for being so open, trusting and teachable. Shalom, Michael
I agree with Michael; you are in good hands, Laurita. Keep hanging in there with everyone… and with me. 🙂
Hey, I depend on you to let me know where I am!
I personally referred Laurita to this site as place where she could have a voice, be heard, safely.
She is the only woman i know who can say they birthed their babies in the mud of the home they lived in, alone, while protecting them from the socio psychopath that they were married to and hadn’t found a way to walk out of the relationship from. She lives in a state of financial duress that i dare say NONE of the people who frequent this blog can comprehend, seriously, and yet she finds a way to no only live, but thrive and be a light to those around her in a huge way.
Suzanne, i am personally ashamed that you would feel it within your personal prevue to correct someone and TELL them what to do and think in response to their growth. I find that personally offensive and abusive.
I left my ex-husband, who i adored for simply that mindset. He couldn’t understand that someone’s questions, their focus on where they’ve been as they move forward into their future were essential to their healing and becoming who YHVH intended THEM to be, not little mindless clones running around parroting the words of those who called themselves teachers or leaders.
And, seriously, brian, hijacking? Thanks. Laurita has no like minded people to interact with, she posts from a dial up that intermittently dumps her, she is sufficiently so non-computer literate that if she does get dumped she then proceeds to painstakingly redo the whole post. I call that dedication. I also call excitement at finding a place that she finally lay out things that she has had bouncing around in her head (just as she plainly stated) for years.
You all have a chance to really make a difference in her life. Thanks for treating her in the quasi-love but mostly abusive way she is learning to leave behind her.
You note that i rarely post here and when i do i frequently post MY ‘trauma’. It’s because i follow Skip not so much for his ‘Today’s Word’, which i frequently disagree with, but for his understanding of hebraic culture and the time the Scripture was written.
In a nutshell the NASB is NOT hebraic. it’s thoroughly, down to the translator, greek, and, on top of that, anti-christ. This Scripture is one of the many incredible examples of it. In all my copies of the Holy Scriptures put out by the Menorah Press dating back into the early 50’s this Scripture is about hope, not shame.
Shame and it glorification is what you get when you utilize a tome that is not written to reflect the glory of Messiah.
I did a response to it but it is very long. and i don’t want to be hammered for hijacking.
Take it easy. No one on this blog is personally vindictive toward anyone else. I don’t allow that, and I make sure it doesn’t happen. Yes, you can feel safe here, but no, it is not to be personally demeaning. Ever. So, everyone, take it easy. This is a place where we share in the exploration of IDEAS and HOPE.
I found the comments personal, vindictive and demeaning.
I also find the definition of ‘shame’ be addressed in a manner that should be more directed to the word ‘conviction’. I do not, personally, believe that YHVH would use my shame to his advantage. I believe he would use ‘conviction’ to redirect me.
Shame is saying i am my sin.
Conviction says i sinned, but there is hope.
In Hebrew they may be noted as one word, but that word is encompassed by the context in which is it seated, therefore denoting and redirecting the conversation to the correct conclusion.
You will not get Hebraic connotations out of the NASB. I find it futile to even try.
To pose the statement, to even bring up the conversation of ‘inner’ and/or public shame as tho there is a difference completely baffles me. Shame is shame. It is negative. It is destructive and hopeless.
Conviction says i have a choice, i can repent. I can stop, i can turn around. I can hope in YHVH’s mercy.
Again, you will not find that in NASB.
Let’s back up a bit. In Greek thought, shame is an inner state of feeling. It might be caused by guilt or humiliation or some other action, but it is focused on what happens to the psychology of the individual. This is not the case in Hebrew thinking. In Hebrew thought, shame is the public manifestation of unsuccessful attempts, disobedience or cultic rejection. It may be accompanied by inner feelings but it is not focused on what happens to the psychology of the person. It is focused on the outward manifestation and loss of reputation in the community.
Now the NASB might translate both Greek and the Hebrew words with the English “shame,” but that doesn’t make them the same thing as our contemporary understanding. Shame is not simply shame. I am not sure why you think shame is always destructive and hopeless, but that isn’t the case in Scripture. It might be your experience, but that isn’t the same as the meaning and background of the words in other languages.
I appreciate that you wish to distinguish between conviction and shame, and I recognize that these are different terms, but that isn’t the issue here. The issue is how the words are understood in the context of the Hebrew culture. Shame does NOT say that you are your sin (which, by the way, is a Greek inner psychological idea). Shame in Hebrew says that you have suffered a loss of public reputation. It is not clear to me why you think that the NASB cannot provide Hebrew context. Perhaps you can elaborate. The NASB is a TRANSLATION and all translations will have difficulty communicating context, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible to do so. Were that the case, we would only be able to communicate in Hebrew.
I’m sorry you found the comments upsetting. I doubt anyone here intended them to be so. Perhaps you are reading something into the remarks that reflects your own issues rather than an attempt to understand the text.
I started this hours ago and just quickly wrapped it up. It’s not perfect, but it is a response;
I don’t agree with your point of view, either. I have a lot of the same books that Skip has and i can pull up his conversation as easily as the next, however, those readings are not my ONLY ones and i can pull up the counter discussion as well.
Let’s start w/the Holy Scriptures, based on the Masoretic text, printed by Menorah Press, a thoroughly Hebrew reference. Now let’s reference the Scripture Skip is using here. Ezekiel 16:63 says: “that thou mayest remember and be CONFOUNDED and never open thy mouth any more, because of thy SHAME, when I have forgiven thee all that thou has done, saith the Lord God”.
Skip is using the NASB, a work that is thoroughly Hellenized and pointedly against Hebraic thought at its core. (more then opinion, but not the topic here). What the authors did was replace the word ‘confounded’ w/the word ‘ashamed’. This makes a HUGE difference. It isolates the word and it’s implications and crystalizes a thought for the reader in such a fashion as to make it THE focus.
i have a dictionary from the mid 1800’s, it’s an huge book, probably weighs a good ten pounds, and it was printed back when words were defined in relation to YHVH’s presence. In fact, at the top of the definitions for the word ‘confound’ is a Scripture, Psalm xxii:5 “they trusted thee and were not confounded”. Note: i have 3 versions of this Menorrah Press Holy Scriptures, dating back to the 1950’s, NONE of them reference that word in that verse, but evidently they did back in the 1800’s.
I also have access to a limited dictionary that utilizes the 1611 words/definitions, not because I’m wedded to that but because they most closely define the individual words of the KJ, which i use a lot. Ok, i’m disdainful of other translations, for well researched reasons.
There are more then 3 plausible entries for the word ‘confounded’ in this dictionary, which I will not recite here, but I will present the ones that most probably applies, option “4) to throw into confusion and disorder; to confuse; to perplex; to strike w/amazement, to dismay and5) to mingle and blend so that the different elements cannot be distinguished….6) To mix indiscriminately in the mind, to mistake for another…”
As most of us know, (or not, perhaps) words are powerful, how they are used is important. Word placement is as important as the words themselves. Word placement are like guard rails, they lead the reader to a desired place.
Menorah Press uses the word ‘confound’ where NASB uses the word “ashamed”. That thou mayest remember be CONFOUNDED”…to be confused, mixed up, one of the emotions that obviously would be in the mix is the Hebrew word for ashamed ‘abash’ (Yes, I have a copy of The Word, by Isaac Mozeson).
For me, the text is saying that the YHVH’s forgiveness brings about mental conflict for the woman/people when they remember all the shameful things that they had done, what those actions SHOULD have brought them and yet they were forgiven. The contrast between what should have happened and where they stand now, NOT in shame, but in forgiveness, will cause them to be silent.
Because a person aware of there error, their grievous error will no longer trumpet the errors of others..
The Scripture reads “that thou mayest remember and be confounded ***and never open thy mouth any more, because of thy SHAME*** when I have forgiven thee all that thou has done, saith the Lord God”.
Never open thy mouth again because of thy shame isn’t about a GOOD SHAME, it’s about the shame of knowing they HAD opened their mouths for the very things they were now forgiven for. They judged their sisters even tho they had sinned much more then their sisters, it says so in verse 52, which, sorry, I don’t care to pump out here.
The silence isn’t about YHVH USING shame, it’s about his understanding that his forgiveness will be complete and those receiving it will be embarrassed at their previous actions and so will shut up..
Menorah Press begins with ‘confounded’ of which shame could be part of the mental confusion and then pulls shame to the forefront because the source text utilizes the word, it is THE word of import, I presume, and says when you remember this and you see my mercy towards you, you will have the gut reaction of keeping your mouth shut. (paraphrased).
The Menorah Press usage of their words, their guard rails, so to speak,leads the reader to understand that those that are forgiven much will be confused, at first, because of what they expected to happen to them (the results of sin) then, just as Skip teaches, they will remember where they came from and the words they spoke against their sisters and they will SHUT UP because of the amazing gift of forgiveness YHVH has given them.
This is personal shame, NOT shame YHVH inflicts or uses. It’s sad commentary on what he knows will occur, you can call it prophetic, the same as way back in Genesis where he says “thy desire will be for thy husband and he will rule over you”…any time a woman decides that pleasing her husband is more important then YHVH, she will be ruled over by said male. It’s just a sad statement of fact.
And no, I did not confuse my upset w/Scripture. Which is why I didn’t post the two together.
Re: NASB
The NASB is not anything I would ever use as a reference for Hebraic thought. For starter it doesn’t even try to do a ‘word for word’ translation. None of the recent translations do. It’s stated intent is to give ‘conceptual’ translation, so all the work everyone does to try to dig out a word for word response is for naught.
Seriously, you can only do that w/the kJ, irritating as that is.
This would be a really long conversation that I am just not up to. Apologies.