One Day at the Spa
Thus says the Lord, “Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor. Also do not mistreat or do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed innocent blood in this place. Jeremiah 22:3 NASB
Innocent Blood – We live in a world much like the one that Jeremiah condemned. It is filled with hatred, violence, oppression and murder. More than half of the total population of the world is at daily risk of survival. Our efforts to rectify this global injustice seem paltry at best, futile at worst. When God speaks, He expects compliance. But what can we really do? How can we prevent, much less stop, the continual flow of dam naqi (innocent blood)? It is a red tide that covers the earth. From abortion to genocide, men have shown themselves to be the worst offenders of all creation. And they show no signs of change. What can we do but throw up our hands to heaven and plead for the God of Judgment to end all this wickedness?
Unfortunately, the problem is not simply in the world around us. We are slumlords in our own minds. We are ruthlessly brutal to our own well-being, driving ourselves to the grave through inner oppression, deliberate lawlessness and mistreatment. If there is any innocent blood to shed, we begin within, filling our lives with blame, remorse, defiance and self-imposed punishment. And, of course, we find this intolerable. But rather than turn to the God of restitution, we often seek escape in worlds of our own creation—living deceptions of whitewashed Hell.
Social evil is a terrible thing. But at least it’s visible. We recognize it when we see it. The internal slum is not so obvious. It takes a good deal more investigation to uncover its tentacles. But when we come across someone who reveals our inner turmoil, it resonates. The pretense of “normal” evaporates and we come face-to-face with our greatest oppressor—the beast within. We discover that we have lived in this terrifying place for a long time. As Brené Brown notices:
Shame is so painful for children because it is inextricably linked to the fear of being unlovable. . . . I’m convinced that the reason most of us revert back to feeling childlike and small when we’re in shame is because our brain stores our early shame experiences as trauma, and when it’s triggered we return to that place.[1]
I suspect we’ll eventually have the data to support my hypothesis about children storing shame as trauma, but in the meantime I can say without hesitation that childhood experiences of shame change who we are, how we think about ourselves, and our sense of self-worth. [emphasis in original][2]
Jeremiah called God’s people to responsible social action. That call extends beyond civil reconstruction. It demands that we look into our hearts, not just engage with our hands. And what we find might just lead us back to the beginning—Mankind’s beginning and our beginnings. When we first learned the art of self-flagellation. When we first concocted the idea that we could not be loved. When we first discovered we had been thrown out of the protective Garden.
We are the innocent blood shed by our own hand. Recovery will mean changing who we think we are. Social violence is the product of soul-violence and there is no public cure without inner compassion. We all deserve a day at the spa.
Topical Index: innocent blood, dam naqi, shame, childhood, Brené Brown, Jeremiah 22:3
[1] Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 225.
[2] Ibid., p. 226.
Cliff Notes to the below: shame is a communal affair.
The pain in the world mirrors the pain within. The Law is not only prescriptive when it declares “love thy neighbor as thyself” it is also descriptive. We CANNOT love our neighbor if we are not loving ourselves. In fact, people treat others exactly as they are treating themselves. I have to believe that you are less than human before I can hurt you (so says studies I have read), but I have to believe that I am less than human even before that. Just exactly where do people created in the image of God come up with such horrible shameful nonsense?
Without even taking a breath, I would like to ask which came first; the chicken or the egg when it comes to the link between toxic shame and the loss of identity in the context of unhealed trauma? In the study called “Developmental Trauma, Complex PTSD, and the current proposal of DSM-5” by Vedat Sar of the Dept. of Psychiatry, Istanbul Faculty of Medicine, U. of Istanbul, he writes (about the proposed changes included in the DSM-5 about PTSD) “New items emphasizing self-blame regarding traumatic event (D3) and a wide variety of negative emotional states besides fear, hjelplessness, and horror (D4) have been introduced. Additions pertaining to the nervous system and soul are aimed at making the criterion more applicable across cultures. As a very minor change, more specific formulation of psychogenic (dissociative) amnesia has been made (D) and an expanded reformulation of fore-shortened future as negative expectations about one’s self, others, and one’s future is provided (D2), In the criterion E, the first item (E1) changes the focus from angry feelings (retained in D4) to aggressive behavior. The second item (E2) with a focus on reckless and self-destructive behavior is new. Subjects affected by chronic developmental trauma demonstrate significantly higher levels of physical aggression (AND SELF HARM) (my emphasis) than those with other types of PTSD suggesting the potential role of POSTTRAUMATIC SHAME AND SELF-LOATHING (my emphasis),”
In other words, people act out their unhealed trauma towards themselves and others as their ‘new’ identity. The following is where I am at in trying to puzzle out this evil that is so hard to think about, and please forgive me the speculative nature of it.
We create our perceptions of our identity based on how we are treated. If we are treated horribly, we conclude that we are horrible, and then proceed to start behaving and thinking that way. If I am treated with dishonor, I conclude that I am dishonorable, which is the basis for interior sense of shame. Toxic shame, I am becoming convinced, is trauma-based. If I have made a wrong choice and the community reflects appropriate correction, I feel corrected. This is appropriate use of shame. If, however, I am a VICTIM of the wrong choices of others who have NOT been brought to justice for their wrong choices, I experience trauma, and with this trauma I pick up an interior load of shame that , because I did not ‘earn’ it, I cannot disperse. I was not the cause of the dishonorable action, but, because that action was not punished correctly (or at all) by the community, I am left with the unpunished aftereffects, part of which is that shame. I know that if I had seen somebody turn around and come to my defense in all the places that I was a victim, I would not have been traumatized (shamed); I would have felt honored (vindicated).
In his presentation (can be Googled) “Understanding Spiritual Roots Of Sin And DIsease”, Dr. Frans Cronje points out that our mind, will and emotions correspond to the manifestation of love (correct choices made by mind), righteousness (correct action taken by body) and honour (correct emotional state achieved as well as projected toward others). In other words, shame (dishonour) is an emotional manifestation of incorrect choices and behavior.
I have been stuck right here for a long time, because is is clear that shame (dishonor) can be transferred to a victim of a crime. I believe that Skip provided the missing piece the other day when he pointed out that any sin in the community that is NOT PUNISHED by the community results in the entire community becoming responsible for (cursed by) that sin. In other words, the story of Achan is a portrayal of a larger truth that we needed to be aware of. Toxic shame arises out of sin that has not been punished, but is transferred to others as a result. The inner toxic shame that PTSD sufferers carry, therefore, is the shame of the entire community that has not punished the original sinner who perpetrated the crime. If one member is dishonored, all are, and your shame is mine, too, UNTIL the perpetrator is brought to justice, that is. This is complicated!
VIctims need to feel justified and vindicated, for that honoring of their unjust suffering would replace their shame. The community is responsible for this dispensing of justice, and therefore is responsible for the load of shame victims carry. A community that does not respond to victimized shame in others increases their load of shame, and therefore shares the guilt. I think it is time we create communities where shamed people feel safe and honored and where sinners know they cannot hide in their tents while they pass the shame of their dishonorable choices on to others.
The title of today’s study caught my attention because I spent an afternoon at the spa yesterday! The timing was perfect. Rejuvenation of one’s soul and heart is the key. Heart change is what makes a difference, and the issue of course is that we cannot change another’s heart. Recovering from broken relationships and trauma requires self-rejuvenation and rest, time, and the Holy Spirit. Thank you for the reminder that each of us needs to address our beast within. We know not all will take on this self-awareness journey, but we each are charged with the rejuvenation of hearts first, and living in a community of people who see us through the fruit of our spirit as opposed to any physical feature.
JUST ONE.
“There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life,
obey the commands.”
This is THE message to the world. Much of the world has yet to hear it.
Among those who have, only a few actually listen and obey.
“Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you,
will try to enter and will not be able to.”
Skip speaks of “changing who we think we are.” So true. But there’s only
one way that can happen.
JUST ONE.
Back in 60 70s and 80s there was a Christian artist named Keith Green. He was a radical at best. This post brings to mind a line in one of his songs”with all the evil around us in the world we just close our eyes and we are sleeping, well all of Heaven is weeping. The phrase got me then and the phrase gets me now. Skip this is not just a word for today. It is a word for the age.
How many of us know a brother or sister in the Lord, who’s like an ostrich with their head in the sand? How are we going to help them wake up.?!!