The Labyrinth
O Lord, You have searched me and known me. Psalm 139:1 NASB
Searched– Does anyone really know you? Do you really know yourself? If the research into personality and identity formation is correct, we would be inclined to answer both of these questions with, “No.” There are some really good reasons why this is the case. First, really being known by someone else is a terribly risky business. We all have plenty of experience of revealing our deepest secrets only to be rejected or criticized. We know what it means to be burned. Since revealing who we think we really are requires the willingness to be wounded, we hold back. Without actually intending to build a protective wall, we almost automatically retreat from situations where our fragile egos could be damaged. And, by the way, this is not wrong. Quite a few people in our lives really aren’t safe. That’s why Twelve Step groups and therapists stay in business. If we are going to open ourselves to the possibility of wounds, we prefer a safe place to do so.
Second, of course, is the fact that we rarely view ourselves objectively. The “fearless moral inventory” process most likely demonstrates just how complex and multi-layered we really are. We often discover in the depths of personality something we would rather not admit, even to ourselves. Like a great number of biblical characters, we discover, “For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.”[1] Personality is very complicated.
The psalmist searches for himself through lyrics and music. He employs Hebrew vocabulary that pushes us into the depths. We can start by examining the meaning of the verb ḥāqar (to search, investigate, examine). “It can refer to initial phases of a search or the end result, but always connotes a diligent, difficult probing.”[2] One of its derivatives adds more to our understanding:
(ḥēqer). Searching, inquiry. This noun is used of the “heart-searching” of the tribe of Reuben, which failed to aid Deborah and Barak against the Canaanites (Jud 5:16).
Usually, the emphasis is on the impossible. The heart of kings is unsearchable (Prov 25:3). Six of its ten usages refer to the unsearchable nature of God[3]
Apparently the psalmist also recognized the nearly impossible task of looking into the human heart.
We will examine each of the verses in this psalm. We need to examine each of the verses in this psalm because we want to look where we can’t really see—where only God can pry into the those dark places deep within us. That is the subject matter of this psalm and insofar as the author is able to reveal the depths of personality, and the terrors found in those dark recesses of the soul, we will journey with him—toward what lies beneath.
But be warned. This is not an easy journey, and not without consequences. Zornberg’s comment is important:
This psalm is cited by the Melchita, among many other proof texts, as evidence of the absurdity of the very notion of fleeing from God. . . Yet Psalm 139 presents the Psalmist himself—and not some benighted pagan—as attempting to do just that. The energy of his desire to escape is palpable, even as it is thwarted at every turn. . . . Ultimately, the primal imagery of flight through space yields to the imagery of interiority: darkness fails to hide him from God’s eyes, God knew him before he knew himself; God’s consciousness filled his mother’s womb, shaping his protoplasm into himself. Such a God is inescapable: the Psalmist knows this precisely because he desires and attempts to escape. This is the knowledge of one who has allowed himself the full range of his imagination. And his response to finding God precisely where he thought to elude Him is fraught with ambivalence. He feels hedged, besieged; as fast as he moves, God, like a shadow, moves with him. If the theological conclusion is impeccable—one cannot flee from God—its power derives from the fact that he does flee, that something human, which is not alien to the Psalmist, compels him to flee. Ultimately, the mystery baffles him . . .[4]
As we shall see, there is plenty of ambiguity in this psalm.
Topical Index: personality, examination, search, ḥāqar, Psalm 139:1
[2]Wolf, H. (1999). 729 חָקַר. In R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer, Jr. & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament(R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer, Jr. & B. K. Waltke, Ed.) (electronic ed.) (318). Chicago: Moody Press.
[4]Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg, The Murmuring Deep: Reflections on the Biblical Unconscious, p. 87.
I’m reading this while dissecting “Heaven and Hell”- excellent lecture.
Here, you cite Zornberg, “If the theological conclusion is impeccable—one cannot flee from God—its power derives from the fact that he does flee, that something human, which is not alien to the Psalmist, compels him to flee.”
In she’ol, is one out of His Sight? Presence? Realm?
Also, you wrote a few TW’s back regarding our fight or flight skills employed in our youth shaped our paradigm- does this idea of our defense mechanisms help us hide ourselves from ourselves even more?
Hope that makes sense…. seems like I’m emerging out of a cocoon into whom I’m supposed to have always been (or as He saw me to be)…. but the transformation is painful and exhausting and I give up daily only to take back the idea of transforming as that is the only thing I know.
As we continue through this psalm, your questions may be answered.
Looking forward to the Psalm 139 journey!!
In last weekend’s service this term was used we must let the word of God” dissolve “into our spirit so that it can reach our innermost being. For the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword, dividing the joints in the morrow of the bones, and Discerning the thoughts in the intentions of the heart.. which I thought was very similar to, be still and know that I am God. If we stop thinking and stop squirming God can do what he needs to do, if we let. Him. Our part is always allowing him to do what he needs to do without us getting in the way. Throughout history this has been the example that I have seen. In the beginning was God. Thanks I’m sharing these with many of my friends they keep asking questions I say keep reading and studying. Let God do the understanding and give us the wisdom. People have said that the Way You Are opening up this song it has many areas in which it can reach the inner soul, just on the surface just below the surface period, or just going where it needs to go deep. You’re reaching more people than you know. Skip
Yes quite well titled, the ” Laberinth” of self knowledge; I read and have experianced it as tied to knowing God.If as Skip suggests neither can be truley known why bother?
“Socrates was famous for arguing that in order to be wise, one must know oneself. When the ancient philosopher Thales of Miletus was asked what was the most difficult thing to know, he answered, “Thyself.” Likewise, Jean-Jacques Rousseau acknowledged that it was not nearly as easy as he had assumed to know himself. Near the end of his life, he conceded that it was “arrogant and rash” to profess virtues that you cannot live up to, and retreated into seclusion. John Calvin underscored the absolute necessity of accurate self-knowledge to knowing God in the opening pages of his monumental work, Institutes of the Christian Religion. He wrote:
Nearly all wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists in two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves (Institutes, 1.1.1).
Calvin argued that one could not truly know God without knowing oneself and that one couldn’t truly know oneself without knowing God. Calvin acknowledged the obvious dilemma in saying, “which one precedes and brings forth the other is not easy to discern” (Institutes, 1.1.1)” ( Michael Craven;C.P. 2.15.2011)
So we have the “The labyrinth” . Yet as Yeshua asked the Twelve if they would join the confused crowd’s and go elswhere Peter replied ” Where else can we go.”( John 6.60)
Thank you for the summary of your indepth research, Mark. The referenced literature will help provide more thoughts to this topic.
Maybe we all need to come to the same position as Isaiah found himself in 6:5-6. We need to become empty of our convictions by admitting they bring us nowhere David seems to be reminding his audience of this in a lot of his Psalms even when he tells us how great YHVH and his creation is…
These word searches have been emphasizing the deep, the dark, the terrifying, the traumatic, for quite some time now. It helps me personally to read these psalms with a little more positivity. Yeshua did say that He came that we might have joy. I find Zornberg’s reflections heavy and brooding Hers is but one of many, many perspectives; surely there are others which capture the love that God has in searching for us, and in searching within us. Just because searching is difficult and probing doesn’t mean it’s disheartening and scary. Sometimes “knowing thyself” is less important than knowing joyfulness.
Zornberg is, in fact, deep and brooding. But maybe the text is too. After all, we haven’t reached the time of the Messiah when we are digging around in the Psalms. BTW, there are plenty of joyful psalms, but are those the only ones we want to read? Do they really capture the full range of human emotion and experience? Or would we rather just “stay positive” and pretend the other side of the coin doesn’t exist while we wait for the Messiah to return. Oh, and even Yeshua had plenty of “dark” moments, I think. Anyway, this psalm will turn, as you will see. But it will take awhile–kind of like life. Hold on and we’ll get there.
Who has not sinned: which is to say, who has not “gone after strange gods”? So we all now have experienced the self without its Better Half, but we also have experience with serving false gods. What does this all this experience leave us with? Isn’t it the terror of looking at an incomplete self when we look in the mirror, but also the terror of serving gods who, because they cannot give us life, destroy us? But who of us got love right the first time?
So what does the true God ask of us? Know ourselves and serve Him? Don’t we all have PTSD already for attempting to do just that; albeit the wrong ways? False gods allure the self with the promise of love, and the self is designed to desire the knowledge of itself too, for self was created as the meetingplace – the merging place – with the Divine. We are hardwired to serve (entwine our wills with) somebody! But we all follow siren calls, and the self finds itself, once again, in front of the mirror of reality without the covering robes of being Rightly Related (by means of the symbiosis with Love) being stared in the face by an incomplete self with yet another life-devouring monster by its side. And we hear the call again: “know thyself: know Me”. Will we ever get this right? Will we ever get the right God and recognize our true identity -our true selves – in right relationship with Him? It is terror to try, but to not try leaves us already ‘whoring’ with (serving) those other terminators!
There is a compelling new book out called The Body Has A Mind Of Its Own by Sandra Blakeslee and Matthew Blakeslee. I left the book behind today (sorry), but there is a quote in it about the fact that we now realize that there is no way to have a sense of self without a “body map” – a somatic experience feedback loop; which means there is no out of body existence possible. The book also goes on to make the point that the brain automatically includes the full ‘reach’ of our mental sense of experience as an actual physical extension of our body/self. Golfers can lie flat on their backs and perfect their game in their head, and lovers entwine this extended body/self into “one”. I think science has finally caught up.
If we were created to be symbionts with God and creation, too, then our sense of self is potentially infinite, for God’s rightly-relating with His creation, and our choice to let His choice (“Thy will be done”) – love – be the way we connect with the dominion we were given, is what we were created to experience. This is the “fullness” of life: the perfection of connection: the full satiety of the ego I think we were designed with to let us know exactly that.
Love IS one-ness, and that one-ness is perceived as reality. Anything less is unbearable, but the knowledge of that less-ness, I think, is equally unbearable, for the knowledge of our fracture (we now know) is the experience of it, too, and it feels like death! We don’t want to experience this death we already are – this rip in reality that is found tearing only through the middles of sinners, but only false gods promise altered states to avoid the truth: the real God IS that Truth.
And what about all those times we chased what we thought was love – life – but ended up serving false gods and found ourselves in bed, once again, with the vampires who were bleeding us dry? It is terrifying to try again! Will David get it right this time? Will we?
Just read today’s word. I’m excited about visiting Psalm 139. It has always been one of my favorite psalms, for so many reasons . In April 2017 I went through a time when God woke me up(sorry it’s the best way I can say it) to some previous experiences in my life. ( I guess it was time!). It was a necessary waking. I needed to be able to see it myself. To see the extent of my own sinfulness/ self-centeredness. Seeing myself and the depths to which I would go to find love was a necessary seeing. It required a massive dosage of grace to see and process over the past almost 2 years. To admit to the person I was and stop hiding in denial. It has made all the difference in the world in how I see others. It has helped me to understand and forgive all the abuse that I suffered the first 18 years of my life at the hands of those who were supposed to love me and protect me ! It has actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise‘s if I can look at it with the right perspective. God not only watching over me as I was being formed in my mothers womb but also once I was brought forth he was watching me as I was being formed through all the abuse. It’s a hard concept to get your head around. God seeing what someone is doing to someone else and not intervening ! But it’s happening all the time. I am able to appreciate all the more the fact that God is my redeemer !
He takes that which was done to me and somehow redeems it and uses it for his glory. The whole idea of us not being able to get away from God is glorious and comforting as well as frightening and disconcerting!
Anyhow, as usual, I probably said too much but I am eagerly looking forward to the next period of time in this Psalm. Thank you Skip and everyone else for their incredible input and experience!
PS. Makes me sad to think of all the people that come to church all the time hiding behind their masks of what and who they think they’re supposed to be. Ashamed and afraid of who they are but having no place to be any different. If I get enough years I want to impact this situation .