Gratefully Resentful
“. . . but now our appetite is gone. There is nothing at all to look at except this manna.” Numbers 11:6 NASB
Nothing at all– Does gratitude have a dark side? Does your thankfulness for what you have elicit a concomitant desire for what you don’t have? When you express appreciation, is there a tiny hint of resentment in the after-taste? That is apparently what happened to the children of Israel when God provided manna.
“The manna is a constant reminder that desire can never be finally appeased, so that the object of desire carries with it intimations of dependency, possible frustration, endless yearning—and resentment. The other face of the gift of manna is the prohibition against hoarding. Like the gift of love, desire must be encountered anew each day.”[1]
Zornberg points out that the Hebrew itself contains the element of discontent. “There is nothing at all” is literally ein kol, that is, “There is not everything.” Manna represents the gift of dependency on less than all, and that itself means we can view manna as deprivation rather than provision. Manna is all that is given, but it isn’t all that could be given. It is life-sustaining, but it isn’t all that life might offer. And with this slight change in attitude, manna becomes a curse rather than a blessing. Its presence is a reminder that God has not given everything. He has only given enough for us to potentially be satisfied with what He gives.
It seems that despite the fact that God’s blessings provide all that we need to fulfill His purpose, we are capable of considering His benevolence as restriction. After all, if He is the God of all creation, He could, should He choose, provide us with everything rather than this truncated abbreviation of bounty. And so we think, “If He really loved me, He would give me all that He could instead of limiting me to this reduced existence.” Suddenly, manna means limitation. And, of course, “manna” can be anything God gives that isn’t everything we want. Our focus is on the panoply of creation, not on the life-giving provision. Zornberg’s insight is important. This shift is appreciation is “a kind of self-cure for the recurrent emptiness, boredom, and yearning that can never be totally allayed.”[2]
Take a deeper look at your “gratitude.” Do you find a worm crawling around in the bottom of the bottle? Do you feel that twinge of resentment that says, “Yes, this is good, of course, but it isn’t all that I wanted”? Is your gratefulness laced with a tiny bit of dissatisfaction? Perhaps you’re really still wandering in the wilderness where manna wasn’t quite enough?
Topical Index: manna, desire, ein kol, not everything, Numbers 11:6
[1]Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg, Bewilderments: Reflections of the Book of Numbers, p. 75.
David Wolf in Depression, Anxiety and Dementia Secrets:
“A big part of depression is crisis of meaning – in believing that we have all the answers. That’s a very big problem and it is causing a lot of anger and frustration. When you lose mystery, you lose wisdom, because part of wisdom is knowing we can’t know it all: we can’t hardly know anything… A big part of neurosis is that you can do everything in your mind and that you can control everything and that you create everything around you. It’s just a neurosis. When you get back to nature – back to yourself – you realize that you are not breathing; you are being breathed. What about the million functions that are going on in a cell in your shoulder right now? What about the incredible miracle of eyesight happening right now? Just the incredible amounts of things that have to occur to allow you to see? That’s a miracle right there. It can never be comprehended by the human mind – we can only theorize about it. And if we theorize with mystery than it’s awe: it’s exciting. But when we get to the point of, we know everything – we’ve got it all figured out – then, #1: we are in a false reality because everything cannot be known, and #2 is that we start to become depressed because there is NO UNCERTAINTY LEFT. And when we have mystery and uncertainty, that’s as much of a need as certainty is. If you are too certain about your daily routine you are miserable: if you are too uncertain, you are miserable, too. But sometimes we have to strike a happy medium and in there we will find our contentment.”
This reminds me of the poem The Pessimist by Ben King:
“NOTHING to do but work;
Nothing to eat but food;
Nothing to wear but clothes,
To keep one from going nude.
Nothing to breathe but air;
Quick as a flash ’tis gone;
Nowhere to fall but off;
Nowhere to stand but on.
Nothing to comb but hair;
Nowhere to sleep but in bed;
Nothing to weep but tears;
Nothing to bury but dead.
Nothing to sing but songs,
Ah, well, alas! alack!
Nowhere to go but out;
Nowhere to come but back.
Nothing to see but sights;
Nothing to quench but thirst;
Nothing to have but what we’ve got;
Thus thro’ life we are cursed.
Nothing to strike but a gait;
Everything moves that goes.
Nothing at all but common sense
Can ever withstand these woes.”
I guess we need to define what kind of depression we are talking about. I do see ALL ILLNESS holistically, but what little I listened to on this series and what you just shared diminishes the physical aspects of depression. I don’t think Chris Cornell or Kate Spade killed themselves because they were having an existential crisis.
Then perhaps I could invite you to try listening to the rest of it some more. I think one of the main points this webinar is trying to make is that all disfunction in the brain is fundamentally tied to the rest of the body. It was stated, for example, that you will never find disfunction in the gut that is not in the brain, and vice versa, which you have already acknowledged yourself, I believe. David Wolf’s observation in no way diminishes that. His work for decades has been to reintroduce people to nature as an essential aspect of health; mental and otherwise. I think you are absolutely right when you insist that we have a physical problem when we have a mental one, but Wolf has pointed out on other webinars I have seen him on that not only are we physically sick when we are mentally sick: we are suffering from a profound disconnect with God and the creation around us, too. The problem is on every level. He was talking about just one of those dimensions in this quote, but I do not think that necessarily means he thought it was just on that level.
As someone who has suffered from Major Depressive Disorder and several anxiety disorders (illness/diseases) it took me years to really come to terms with seeing these illness like any other “physical” illness like cancer or heart disease. I have to wonder if anyone would do a series on cancer and say some of these things about how to treat cancer. I think Thomas Insel who was with NIMH gives a great TedTalk that make this point much better than I can. I can only speak to my experience. I mean to tell a depressed person to think about how amazing their bodies are. Really?
Actually, Marsha, I think we have not gotten very far with diseases like cancer because we don’t think of them in these terms. Really, have you read A More Excellent Way by Henry Wright? His ministry makes no distinction between mental, physical or spiritual illness: the cure is the same: obedience to what the Bible says to do about these problems. You are right, I think, to put them all in the same boat, but let’s make sure we have put them in the right boat?
I will check that book out. People with “mental” illnesses have a separate hospital that up until recently were called Insane Asylums. I have actually been in one. I guess my concern is the total disconnect for most people to see the brain connection in these illnesses. And even people that treat “mentally” ill people can and do treat them horribly. I have experienced this, and I have seen other people treated in this way. People with cancer are treated with compassion. It is not seen as a moral failing or self-esteem issue. Maybe you when time permitted can expound a bit more on what the biblical treatment for illness would be. Like what would be a biblical way to treat cancer. If you were diagnosed, what would be your treatment plan? Also, I had trouble accessing the other videos. I could not get the information to download. Maybe my web browser.
Thanks for sharing all these insights and your understanding into these things, Laurita! Very instructive and helpful. Thank you Skip (God) for making all this possible through today’s word !
God offers Himself to us a little at a time.
We couldn’t possibly accept Him any other way.
We don’t have that capacity.
Accordingly, He knows that the little we do get of Him
each day is meant to sustain us — and, it gives us
the proper expectation to receive just a little more
the next day. And on it goes.
While we’ll never get all of Him, all that we do amass
collectively, will be all we could ever need or want in this
lifetime and thereafter. And when we ultimately reach a
certain point, we will have and know true oneness with Him
and satisfaction will take on a whole new meaning!
We’re all well on our way . . . enjoy your daily bread!
Yes, the Israelites did begin to complain and grumble about the manna. During their years in Egypt, they had grown accustomed to the many options of fruits, vegetables and meats. But, remember, had they obeyed God in the first place, that 40 year journey would have only been about two weeks. Because of their disobedience, they had to keep circling the mountain over and over until they got it right…and they never really did, did they? In the end, only Joshua and Caleb were allowed in the Promised Land. God’s provision of the manna was supposed to remind the people that they could trust Him. And the double portion on the Sabbath emphasized that. Honoring the Sabbath was important to God and by providing the double portion, He was trying to teach them that they didn’t have to hoard…they could truly enter into the Sabbath rest and trust Him to provide. Trust and obedience, (and gratitude) are top priorities to God. The children of Israel failed at both. Most of us do as well.
Such good words Judi! Really appreciate them.
Today I think of the phrase Our Daily Bread, or portion. Is all that we need. It is like medicine, too much and it’s an overdose. The Lord is gracious, and his mercies are tender everyday. If we got too much we would be overloaded. Too much information TMI. Has caused many to go into a stressful, and depressed state, me included. I want to know all the answers all the information again oh, try to put the pieces together. When God wants to wait on his wisdom and timing. There are always older and wiser people to gained this wisdom from who have had many experiences that we have not had, is that not the Old Testament is for. Our 4 fathers killing us deep truths and bestowing wisdom.? Thank you
Psalm 145:18 comes to mind excellent reference, from Dietrich bonhoeffer’s 40-day devotional , day number6. This happens to be today’s reading, and devotional with reflection.
The Scripture that springs to my mind on this 1st day of Spring is Philippians 4:19: “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
YHWH gives us, out of the
cornucopia of His imagination that which we need, not what we want, because He wants us to want the Giver of the good gifts more than the gifts themselves.
And one of His greatest gifts He freely offers is Life itself, both the birthed life we all recieved years ago and the new Life He gave in Messiah for as many as come to Him and asks for it in contrition and faith. I know I am guilty of not having valued these most fundamental provisions of Daily Manna and perhaps my life-long depression is but a symptom of my dis-ease with both gift and Giver. Thanks for helping me to open my eyes to see my lack of life, love and awe. Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (CJB) “I call on heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have presented you with life and death, the blessing and the curse. Therefore, choose life, so that you will live, you and your descendants, loving Adonai your God, paying attention to what he says and clinging to him — for that is the purpose of your life!”
Too bad some people don’t remember this. “He wants us to want the Giver of the good gifts more than the gifts themselves”. Time to get back despite those who are stumbling blocks. Thanks
Really enjoyed today’s word. I have a special thing going on in regards to this with God. Ever since a major heart surgery when I was 62, in which I lost everything, It took me a couple of years to fully recover but I have learned to depend upon God for my daily bread, sustenance. Many times, the Holy Spirit will ask me “how are you doing ?”. Well, he knows how I am doing, but he is making a point with me, can you be satisfied with enough? Can you be content and grateful, without denying that you have a certain amount of discontentment roaming around inside of you. It’s easy to look around at others who have abundance and wonder what it’s like not to have to worry about tomorrow, but then, God tells us, “ give no thought for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient today, is the evil thereof“. Also he told us to be content with such things as we have, for he has promised to never leave us or forsake us.
Having enough, runs counterintuitive to my appetite! It’s one thing to say that we trust God, it’s another thing to walk it out !
Gratefully Resentful! Thank you Skip. How contradictory the emotions that beat in one’s breast can become!
I just posted on your TW – ‘One of the “Also”‘ from 3/15/19 a comment about Israel where I said:
“Untold numbers of Christians (having benefitted the MOST from the Jewish legacy), are still antagonistic towards Israel!
How can beneficiaries of the good legacy of the Holy Scriptures, Israel’s Messiah and the Holy Spirit, become so blinded to the goodness of their benefactor?!!
This blessing and priviledge which the Father has made available to the non-Jewish world at great Personal cost to Himself and His Son, has also come at the expense of Israel’s safety among the world of Nations…”
On this Fast Day of Esther which begins the celebration of Purim let us be grateful, not resentful of our legacy via Israel.
Now that I’ve looked in this mirror, I must remember what kind of person I am.
Wow. Well said.