The Slow Burn
O Lord, rebuke me not in Your wrath, and chasten me not in Your burning anger. Psalm 38:1 NASB
Rebuke – How long is your fuse? How long can you hold out before that deep anger about the injustice in life explodes? Oh, I don’t mean all the social injustice we observe every day. I mean that sense that life isn’t giving you what you want, that people around you really don’t understand your needs and, consequently, you are eternally compromising. Not a happy state. More like the constant accommodation to obligations. When it comes to this kind of anger, most of us have very long fuses. Sometimes years long. But eventually that fuse burns to the end and the powder keg goes off. The explosion might come in different forms. Aggravated disagreements about work, family, geography. Sublimated anger in addictions. A growing depression. Usually not violent behavior toward others (we’re too well civilized for that). Usually violence (in some form) toward ourselves. The black mold of the soul—a deep grief about who we really are and the inability to find any way to change it.
According to Scripture, rebuke is to be expected. The Hebrew verb is yākaḥ. It’s translated “decide, judge, prove, rebuke” and “correct.” Interestingly, it is never found in the Qal (the bare, unmodified verb paradigm). It’s either in the form of causative action or simple passive (something done to something or someone). Perhaps this suggests that yākaḥis not a “stand-alone, abstract” idea. It is always found in relation to something. I know that rebuke isn’t an abstract idea for me. It’s always very personal, usually uncomfortable, often humiliating; a situation to be avoided at all costs. Maybe David felt the same way.
The problem, of course, is that we are very good at hiding the slow-burning fuse from other people, but it is simply impossible to hide the fire from God. He knows! We are apt to conclude that this is another form of divine punishment—until we realize that the only way to extinguish the fuse before it reaches the incendiary stage is rebuke. Confrontation. Oh, I hate that! Just leave me alone so I can go on living with the slow burn, consoling myself in my despair. As much as I don’t really want to be like this, it’s comfortable (can I really admit it?). I know what to do to medicate and disguise my anger just enough to be civil. But it’s not a good life.
Yesterday I felt the slow burn. I was so tired of the daily obligations, the little expectations that I will do things others want me to do because I’m such a “good” guy. I felt the desire to shout, “NO! I don’t want to do that! Let me do what I want to do for a change.” I was depressed—because I didn’t shout and I did what was expected while the fuse burned. Then I met the man on the street who sells flowers. He’s there every day, rain or shine, hot or cold. He stands on the corner and waits for a customer to buy some flowers so he can make his living. He always greets me with a smile and a wave, even if I don’t buy anything. I like seeing him. He cheers me up. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s because he seems happy with what he does—and it’s just so simple. Sell flowers. Make life beautiful.
Do you suppose that this is God’s gentle form of rebuke?
Topical Index: yākaḥ, rebuke, anger, Psalm 38:1
