RAIN-Man
How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Psalm 13:1-2 NASB
How long? – ʿad ʾānāʾ (ad anah). How long? The preposition ʿad is much stronger here than our translation. In effect, David is saying “Until when?,” the ʿad implying perpetuity. What he really cries out is something like this: “Lord, it feels like forever that You have hidden Yourself from me.” I suspect that we have all had this experience. So what do we do about it?
We could read David’s words and find some solace in the fact that he felt the same way. We could—but would that really be enough? Is it emotionally satisfying to know that someone else is going through the same upheaval, feeling the same distress? Yes, we could weep together, bemoaning God’s absence from our lives, but in the end taking two aspirin doesn’t really change the morning. The same sense of abandonment is still there. Shared? Yes, maybe. But resolved? No, I don’t think so. At this point, David is just as wretched as we are. We can hold hands and hug each other, but the pain doesn’t magically disappear. Identification is only a temporary salve on a wound that needs stitches. The bleeding doesn’t stop.
What else? Well, it’s no good crying out to God. That’s the problem. We have cried out. We have pleaded, begged, beseeched. But He hasn’t come to us. Lead ceiling and silent chapels. Stony saints who do not hear. We are a long way from Psalm 31:1 (“In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed; In Your righteousness deliver me”). We might get there. At least that’s the hope. But we haven’t arrived yet. We’re not ready to proclaim God’s faithfulness. We might know that He is faithful, but it’s a cognitive proposition embedded in our theology and history. It’s not real right now! Why? If we know it’s true, in the final sense of Truth, why doesn’t it make a difference right now? The answer is that emotions are not true or false. They just are! Right now, ʿad ʾānāʾ is all that we feel.
I’d like to propose a step in the (hopefully) right direction. I don’t mean “a step in the correct direction,” because that might imply that there is only one right way, one correct as opposed to many incorrect ways. I don’t think that fits. All I want to do is suggest that maybe feeling the emotion is the right direction. That is to say, not fighting our propensity (as good Greek thinkers) to act as if emotions are somehow less than desirable might be a way through this distress. What if the emotional state is, in fact, exactly what you and I need at this moment? What if it’s neither good nor bad, but it just is—part of our journey in living, part of being human, part of the incredibly diverse and sensitive way that we were created! What if emotions are the tracks toward a spiritual destination?
My therapist introduced me to the acronym RAIN. It means:
Recognize – that you are having this powerful feeling. Don’t block it. Don’t push it under the cognitive covers. Recognize that it is.
Acknowledge – name it. That’s not as easy as it sounds. Many of us grew up emotionally handicapped (or, to be politically correct, emotionally disadvantaged). We never learned a robust emotional vocabulary. Instead, we learned good and bad. Laughing was good. Crying was bad. “Real men don’t cry” kind of stuff. So we can’t really tell the difference between sad and angry, depressed and lonely. For that matter, we have a hard time expressing positive emotions as well. What’s the real difference between respected and worthwhile?
Investigate – Ah, now we can do a little thinking. Investigate doesn’t mean, “Figure out how to fix it.” It doesn’t mean, “Why do I feel like this?” What it means is to examine our own story to see when similar feelings occurred, what patterns emerge, what triggers might have been involved—and, of course, to recognize that we are still alive! Investigation is the act of a creative mind. You aren’t dead yet. The very fact that you can consider all the ramifications of your present emotional experience means you are acting as the creative being you were intended to be. As the king of Nineveh said, “Who knows? Maybe God will do something.”
Nurture – Last comes the antidote to past “good” and “bad” emotional training. It’s really the application of the second great commandment to yourself. “Do for yourself what you would most like to do for others.” In other words, be kind to yourself. Show yourself some tenderness. Speak positively to yourself about yourself. You are worthy! You are still here, and God’s grace is implicit in that fact. If you had a dear friend who felt just like you feel at this moment, what would you do for that person? Ah, but it’s you who are in need right now. Go ahead. Give yourself a hug.
When Yeshua said that the rain falls on the just and the unjust, he probably meant that in this life circumstances are not measured out according to a strict scale of justice. But we can read this another way. RAIN falls on all of us. Look up. Let the drops touch your face. Feel the healing waters falling down. Recognize, acknowledge, investigate, and nurture. See how soon you’ll come to Psalm 31:1.
Topical Index: RAIN, emotion, ʿad ʾānāʾ, Psalm 13:1-2
