Not Quite What You Thought
Train up a child [a]in the way he should go, even when he grows older he will not abandon it. Proverbs 22:6 NASB
In the way he should go – Did you see that little footnote before this phrase? In the margin, the NASB says, “according to his way.” It’s not quite the same idea, is it? And the difference makes a very big difference. As we typically read this verse since the King James Bible, we think it is about discipline. Give your child plenty of structure. Make him do what’s right. Don’t spare the rod. And when he is grown, he’ll stick with it and become the person you hoped he would be. The Bible promises that, right? Believe me when I tell you I heard this verse a lot growing up, usually as justification of punishment.
But the footnote suggests something quite different. “According to his way” is about some internal orientation toward life, about that thing that truly motivates him, about his personal direction. “According to his way” is about a life passion. If parents assist a child in finding, encouraging, and nourishing his or her specific personal passion, that child won’t abandon his or her destiny. That child will become the person God designed.
Look at the Hebrew. עַל-פִּי דַרְכּוֹ The last word (right to left, remember) is dārko, from the verb dārak (to lead, to tread, to bend, to walk). We know this one. It’s the odd combination of the other two words that causes us to pause. The preposition (ʿal) is combined with common noun for “mouth” (peh). Literally, “on account of, according to, towards—the mouth, the face” plus the word “way.” But what can “on account of the face” or “according to the mouth” mean in this combination? Can I suggest “according to the way he faces”? Typically in Hebrew, the “face” is an idiomatic marker for the person. When God’s “face” shines upon you, it means you have His approval. The eyes, the nose, the mouth, even the teeth have “personal” meaning as expressions of inner character. Just think of all the facial (and body) metaphors used in the love poetry of Song of Songs. Since this verse is about the relationship between parents and their child, doesn’t it describe the wonderful facial recognition that encapsulates that special bond? Punishment just doesn’t seem to fit. In fact, my friend John Samuel pointed out years ago that this verse is really about knowing the child so well that the parents can guide him toward the true design of his heart—the passion that God built into him that will not only release his full potential but fulfill God’s purpose for him in the world at the same time. It’s what we see in his face.
Perhaps we’ve been so conditioned by the King James culture that we just failed to see something deeper. Even Robert Alter’s translation retains the ethos of discipline and punishment, but it seems to me that God does not want children molded by restrictive conformity but rather children who grow into the roles they were destined to play in tikkun ‘olam. Face forward. Now it’s up to parents to do everything possible to assist.
Topical Index: way, discipline, destiny, design, dārak, peh, Proverbs 22:6
Years ago, my very strong willed eldest son was getting the better of me. A friend shared James Dobson’s book The Strong Willed Child. He translated this verse as “train up a child according to his bent.” I have never forgotten it. Later when I demanded to know why this child was so rebellious, I heard, “He isn’t rebellious, he is stubborn.” What is the difference, you may ask? Rebellion is against righteousness. You can be stubborn for the wrong things or you can be stubborn for the right things. Realizing this about my child made a world of difference in how I saw him as his own person, created by YHVH for a specific purpose. Rearing children is difficult at best and I certainly did not do everything right, but I realized that the lens which filters our perceptions can be clouded by wrong interpretations. These can and do change not only how we see our Creator, but how we see our children as HIS creations and not our clay to mold but HIS property that we have been entrusted with to teach about HIM. Thanks for the reminder, Skip!