The Hitchhiker’s Guide (20)
One who gives a right answer kisses the lips. Proverbs 24:26 NASB
Right answer – What an odd saying! What does giving the correct answer have to do with a kiss? It’s almost as if the entire verse is idiomatic. And many translations take it that way. So, we get: “An honest answer is the sign of true friendship,” or “He who gives a right answer kisses the lips,” or “He who is returning straightforward words kisses lips.” We get the idea, but the words themselves seem a little strange. What we need is some cultural appreciation. Alter’s comment helps a little: “The line flaunts a paradox: he who speaks straightforwardly—probably words of justified criticism—is as one who kisses, however harsh the words.”[1]
The Hebrew is also a bit tortured. dābārim nākōaḥim, literally “words in front of.” The root nākōaḥ only occurs eight times in the Tanakh. “. . . nākōaḥ primarily stresses the ethical quality of life in actions involving both personal and national morality.”[2] It’s about walking the straight path, another Hebrew idiom describing an upright, Torah-obedient life. “The right answer” misdirects us. What we need is the answer that corrects, not the correct answer. Hearing what we need to hear in order to stay on the straight path isn’t always easy, but it’s as important as a kiss from a loved one. Perhaps we could idiomatically translate this as:
Words of correction are like loving kisses.
In our journey on the path of the righteous, these kinds of kisses take priority. “Let a man seek as companions only those who will enable him to see things to which he is otherwise blind and who, by reproving him in a spirit of love, will deliver him from all evil.”[3]
I grew up in a social world that revolved around the idea “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” But that is the kiss of death. We need those “not nice” words spoken to us in the spirit of love. The problem isn’t with the speaker. It’s with us. If the speaker has only our best in mind and delivers the message because he or she truly loves us and cares for us, then the real obstacle to achieving the goal of righteousness isn’t those difficult-to-hear words. It’s our yetzer ha’ra’s immediate perception of threat. Our reaction is what converts these words into slaps instead of kisses.
There are two kinds of linguistic communication models. The first is transmitter-based communication. In this model, it is the speaker’s task to ensure the validity of the communication. In other words, when I communicate with you, it’s my job to be sure you understand. This is the model of the Greco-Roman educational system. Consequently, we Westerners hold the teacher responsible for the education of the student.
The second model is receptor-based. In this model, the one who hears is responsible for understanding the message. This is the Hebrew idea of education. Understanding what is said is the responsibly of the student. When God speaks, I don’t ask Him to explain. It’s my job to figure out what He means. Fortunately, He often volunteers explanation. But that doesn’t remove my duty to comprehend. You will recall Yeshua’s statement, “Let him who has ears hear.” That’s receptor-based communication.
When I receive verbal kisses of correction, it’s my job to subdue the yetzer ha’ra so that the kiss is truly a kiss and not a slap in the face.
Step 20: Listen with ears that hear.
Topical Index: kisses, correction, receptor, transmitter, dābārim nākōaḥim, Proverbs 24:26
[1] Robert Alter, The Hebrew Bible: Volume 3 The Writings, p. 428, fn. 26.
[2] Wilson, M. R. (1999). 1365 נכח. R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer Jr., & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed., p. 579). Chicago: Moody Press.
[3] Moses Hayyim Luzzatto, Mesillat Yesharim: The Path of the Upright, p. 256.
