My Way or The Highway
Dedicate a youth according to what his way dictates; even when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Dedicate – Solomon was a very wise man. His wisdom penetrated the essence of things. His sayings often reveal what we do not see on the surface. So, when we read this mashal (Hebrew – proverb), we should be careful not to think of it as merely commonsense. Why would Solomon bother to tell us that you can discipline a child to do what you want? That’s obvious. The King James idea of “training a child” sends us in the wrong direction. Proverbs is not a book for parents. It’s a book for youth. This mashal isn’t about making a child follow a path determined by parents. It’s about directing the child in a path essential to who the child is.
The imperative chanok (dedicate) means “to start the youth off with a strong and perhaps even religious commitment to a certain course of action.”[1] But what course of action? Waltke writes “[the child] must be assessed individually to design personally the appropriate moral initiative.” In other words, the course of action is determined according to the individual makeup of the child. It is tailor-made to fit the essential character of the child. “One rule fits all” is not the process Solomon endorses. It can’t be “My way or the highway.” That isn’t what Solomon (or God) has in mind here.
OK, so it’s about unique, individual courses of action. Does that mean parents have different “rules” for each child? No. Rules can still be the same. But this verse is not about rules! It’s about parental dedication to understand your child so deeply that you see what the child was born to be – and then designing a course of action to allow the child to become what God designed into him or her. God designed each of us to fit perfectly into His delightful plan for creation. Parents have the responsibility to discern what God has in mind for their children and do everything they can to bring that about. When they set a child on a course of action that is in alignment with the way the child is designed by God, the child will never depart from it. “Born to be me” is the operating principle.
So, if you have children, are you able to answer this question: Do you know (from God’s perspective) what your children were born to be? If you don’t, how can you possibly fulfill the role of parent according to God’s design? If you don’t know who your child was born to be, you are more than likely to send that child down your path, not God’s path. And when they are older, they will depart from it because it wasn’t who they were.
This is not commonsense! This is godly instruction. It is dedication to “what his way dictates,” not what you desire. It’s action after homework. And homework for parents is all about God’s design for your child, not your wishes for your child. Maybe it’s time to take a much deeper look at that little person running around your house.
Topical Index: children, discipline, Proverbs 22:6, chanok, dedicate
[1] Waltke, Proverbs, Vol. 2, p. 204.
Oh my! This will take some serious thinking on my part. It came many years too late for my children, though I see it being played out in the Grandchildren. The thinking I need to do is to figure out how to teach, convey this instruction to young parents today. How does one go about discerning what God’s way for a child is? How is the parent, then to convey this to the child? It certainly is not to let the child alone without guidance. I know that does not work. Neither can it be a passive approach with pleadings and beggings. Maybe it needs to start with my knowing what God’s way is for me an then living it. Maybe this is part of what the new birth in Christ is about. Oh my. Time to think!
Hi Roy,
I had no idea how to respond to Skip’s point, which sounded like a good one.
My wife, daughter, son, dog, and self are all fairly stubborn and like to do things our own way.
Because nobody in my family seems to pay much attention to my advice, I tend to feel fairly ineffective as a father.
Your suggestion below gives me some hope:
“Maybe it needs to start with my knowing what God’s way is for me an then living it. Maybe this is part of what the new birth in Christ is about.”
Skip,
1st off I love receiving your insights into writing Todays Word. One day I hope to share with you how thru
your words that ministered to me directly from YHWH. Dec. 5th,09 our precious Shiloh (YHWHS Gift) entered into the world at 32 weeks. “The Arrival” happened to be the title! It was what I needed to support our daughter in this most difficult decision of taking Shiloh c-sec. because of severe complications. Please pray YHWHS complete healing on His child.
Todays word kinda disturbed me, I understand and agree whole heartedly with what you are saying, I have come into the fullness of being a Torah Keeper and when i read this He reminded me of The Shema
Duet.6:4-9. I have come to believe if we are doing that first, He will give us the love and discernment to encourage and see these gifts in our children. The enemy always desires we turn things into individuality perhaps then it becomes all about what we think is right and not His Perfect Way for the child. He sets the rules, guidelines, instructions for living, not us. It is up to the parent to train him/her
up according to His Word, then and only then the child will not depart from “The Way” and YHWHS perfect plan for that child to carry out their ordained gifts. Just my thoughts. May YHWH be Glorified!
Happy “day of dedication” (Hanukka) or Chanukkah to all!
..and Enoch walked with G-d..
he had this testimony, that he pleased G-d..
be followers of G-d, as dear children.. and walk in love..
It appears that we are in much need of God’s merciful grace and love that keeps us when we are fearful and experiencing the regret that so often presents itself upon fresh revelation such as this. I had never heard this passage taught as this and thankfully our Father knows our hearts. Yes, the time to teach our children avails itself with every opportunity He brings our way as we ourselves continually press toward the mark of our reward-Jesus the Christ. He knows what we go through, how we struggle and how our hearts yearn for more of Him. Yes, He is aware of the sadness we may feel from hindsight-parenting issues that would tempt us to dive into introspection and think how we messed up, how limited we were at the time! I know this is not Skip’s intent. This word is timely and in great need-another instance where parenting-on-purpose is shouted from the rooftops. It is past time for believers to get serious about our lives we live for Him! Let’s ask our Father for wisdom and discernment according to James 1:5. Let’s pray this Word one for another.
BTY-I really do not like the term “common sense”. It denotes derogatory opinion from an authoritarian viewpoint. If you don’t think like me, if we don’t have this way of thinking in common, you do not have good sense. This is basically cultural and subjective. God is able to dispense good sense to those willing to look to His Word for instruction and those who will be trained by putting it into practice and obeying it. No dog and pony show here, no “common sense” here, it is His Spirit at work in us, moving us along! I am certainly glad for those who think uncommonly-definitely this wonderful community of those on the Way from glory to glory…shining for Him!
Richest Blessings to All,
Mary.. thank you for the “ointment” of your healing words. Praise G-d He is at work in us. He knows exactly where we are and exactly what we need, but further still, He promises to supply that need, whatever it may be. He is our Need-Meeter. “But my G-d shall supply ALL your needs, according to His riches in Christ Jesus.”
My wife and I have been gifted with three children. One is waiting for us in a very special place and I look forward with great anticipation to behold her beauty. I will see her as G-d has perfected her. The two we have been given to “dedicate”, have been dedicated to G-d. We have given them back to the Giver and are asking daily for His mercy and guidance in their lives. These kids (one 21, one 17) do not come from perfect parents, neither do they live in a perfect environment. “But G-d (I love these two words!)- is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.” The Master Plan is executed by the Master. We (all) are in “good hands.”
My confidence is in Christ. “He that has begun a good work in us will complete it.” He has never let us down, we have never missed a meal. None who walk this green planet will escape or arrive “scar free” or “blemish free.” There is only one perfect person who ever lived and (praise G-d!), we know His name. Hallelujah!
I have limited sight, but as I view the evening news, (long enough for me to start to retch), it deepens my resolve to live for Him and to pray for His intervention and mercy. Do you agree?- our society is in tremendous need of salt.
I am not a “fear-monger.” Three hundred and sixty-six times our Bible states, “fear not.” One for every day of the week. Now is the time for trust. Now is the time for me to be a father, to be a husband, and to be a man. By G-d’s grace and empowering Spirit, I will be what He wants me to be, daily as I go about my common round of living.
We teach by example. Those who live with me are watching and listening. Children have sometimes been referred to as “G-d’s Little Spies.” With eyes wide open and a smile on my face, I would have to say, “Amen!”
What is my apparent need as a parent? Our blessing book (G-d’s book of instruction), states- “Ask and you will receive, seek.. and you will find, knock (persisitently) and it shall be opened unto you.” Mom and dad… it’s time we pray. LORD,… teach us to pray. Amen.
As I grew and developed, I did not have the guidance and instruction in the most important areas from my earthly parents. Know this, they did the best they could! They struggled with their own issues in life, they raised 3 children without having a close relationship with the Lord, and somehow God came to me and opened my understanding of my need for Him! Many mistakes and egregious sins later, He found me before I even knew He was who I had been desiring my entire life! AMAZING LOVE!!!!! Now after meeting Him and knowing He has transformed my life from walking in utter darkness to walking with Him in His marvelous light, I am acutely aware life is lived today and forward. Our past is His revelation of His wonder and awe. Actually very little to do with us and for that we should rejoice. Yes, He uses us for His glory and His “purpose” and ours is to look at, listen to and obey Him. Parents, young and not as young, seek Him in His Word and prayer concerning your children, regardless of their age. Skip’s point is well taken, as He never ceases to be our heavenly Father, we never cease our efforts as parents. Praise to the One worthy of all adoration!