Let’s Try That Again
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6 NASB
Wounds – Someone you know well comes to you with criticism. Not abuse. Not condemnation. Constructive criticism. A gentle reproof. A sincere attempt to help. How do you react? I know what happens to me. I resist. I feel threatened. I enlist justifications. I shift blame. But the Bible tells me to do something else. “Faithful” are the wounds. The Hebrew term is nĕʾĕmânîm from the root ʾāman, the same root that gives us “amen,” “support” “firmness,” and “certainty.” Remembering that biblical instruction calls for vulnerability, those “faithful” wounds are probably just what I need to hear. Proverbs reminds me: “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed” (Proverbs 27:5).
But what if I’m the one bringing the criticism. Great responsibility falls on my shoulders. The wounds that heal require careful self-examination before they are delivered. The biblical term also mean “bruise,” and perhaps that’s how we should understand it. What you are about to do is hit someone hard enough to bruise them. Great restraint is demanded. Perhaps something like this:
How to wound faithfully:
- Examine your motive – are you requesting change because you want to benefit?
- Prohibit judgment – never “you are xxx, you make me yyy.” Express feelings as they affect you – “When I see this, I feel afraid, abandoned, unappreciated” – get to a feeling word, not an action word.
- Don’t deflect responsibility – “I choose to do such-and-such because xxx,” not “I have to do such and such.”
- Avoid communicating your desires as demands – you are not in charge of the other person
- Express your observation plus your conclusion about your feelings rather than my your observation plus your prescription for the other person.
Wounding is risky business. Be sure your heart is entirely in the right place before a single word is uttered. More gets communicated with body language and tone than with vocabulary.
Topical Index: wound, bruise, nĕʾĕmânîm, ʾāman, Proverbs 27:5, Proverbs 27:6
