Life Together

You husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life;  1 Peter 3:7

Life Together

Fellow-heir – No one wants a marriage that doesn’t work.  When we walk down the aisle, when we take the vows, we all have “Hope” written on our faces.  We want what Peter offers – “grace of life.”  The problem is that once we settle into marriage, we soon discover that grace is not as easy to sustain as we thought.  “Everyday everythings” get in the way until our hope is a fragile dream rather than a solid foundation.  Some of us are blessed.  We truly experience voluntary, mutual submission and joyous reunion.  But most of us have to work at it, just like the audience of Peter’s letter.  And Peter has some very good, Torah-based advice for those of us who hope and struggle.  Once more, he has something important to say to husbands.  Give her the checkbook.

Oops.  That isn’t what it says, is it?  Well, let’s take a look.

“Fellow heir” is really “co-heir” (sugkleronomoi).  This word comes from two Greek words which mean “allotments together”.  Uncovering the imagery of the two words makes the concept even stronger than “fellow-heir”.  It suggests one allotment shared by both parties.  It is not an equal lot but the same lot.  Here is a word that perfectly pictures God’s plan for marriage – one flesh sharing in one purpose.  In this case, the husband is to ensure that his partner is sharing the same allotment in “the grace of life” – charitos zoes.  Charitos is from charis, the word for grace, rejoice, joy, pleasure, gratification, acceptance, kindness, benefit, thanks and gratitude.  We can see how all-encompassing this expression is.  Marriage is a single allotment of grace, rejoicing, joy, pleasure, gratification, acceptance, kindness, benefit, thanks and gratitude.  The husband is responsible to ensure that all of these attributes of charitos occur in his marriage.  This is the result of “yada according to yada“.  These are covenant attributes.

Peter is reaching the end of his commentary on Torah obligations for marriage.  There is only one more part of the verse – the consequences for ignoring these instructions.  But we should notice that even though Christian circles have often placed the emphasis on Peter’s instructions to wives (verses 1-6), the responsibility of husbands cannot be dismissed.  In fact, if you go back to those first six verses, you will find that they are filled with practical advice for dealing with husbands who are not fulfilling their God-given assignment.  The instructions to wives are not spelled out in covenant language.  You don’t find words like “honor,” “co-heir” or “grace of life” in that section.  But you find those Scriptural covenant terms here – applied to the responsibility of husbands.  Maybe we need to see this shift in emphasis before we go running off proclaiming that the husband is the “head” of the home.  Maybe the husband qualifies as head of the home only insofar as he is fulfilling his covenant-language responsibility.  And if that is the case, then there is nothing as important as equal inheritance.  Don’t spiritualize this one.  You could make it about sharing in love and legacy or calling and comfort, but co-heirs is probably most often observed in handling the assets of marriage.  A man who withholds the purse strings probably also withholds grace. 

Certainly “grace of life” includes far more than what’s in the bank account.  Peter is interested in the full meaning of grace, just as God is interested in grace as the basis for our inheritance with Him.  But grace is evidenced in very practical ways.  One of those is money management.  There’s a reason why Jesus talked more about money than almost any other subject.  Too often our use of money is an indicator of our real life values.  In marriage, that indicator better demonstrate “co-heirs in grace.”

So, what’s the most important thing in your wallet – the paper with some dead man’s face on it, or the picture of the one who shares your life?

Topical Index:  co-heir, sugkleronomoi, grace, marriage, money