Redeemed Marriage

Usually I don’t hear much from the Today’s Word audience.  But in the last few days, as we examined several passages dealing with the idea of a redeemed relationship between a man and a woman, I am suddenly getting a lot of replies.

We looked at several powerful and interesting verses in the Bible that seem to indicate that our cultural picture of the roles in marriage might not be what God originally intended.  We asked some questions about our traditional notion that the man is the stronger, the protector and provider.  We noticed that God created Eve as a helpmate (the ezer), a word which implies a decidedly different role than we expected.  We saw that God talks about turning the culture upside down (“a woman surrounds a man”).  And with a little reflection, we have to raise questions about Proverbs 31:11 and Genesis 3:16.  Some of the answers are going to be worked out in an article that is currently in process.  But maybe it’s not too early to answer some of the questions that I have received.

Here’s an example:

“I’ve considered the questions below and actually come up with no original answers…can you suggest where a student (me) would start in order to find answers to these?

• How does the creation of woman establish boundaries and bonds?
• What role does the woman play that could not be fulfilled by any other part of creation?
• If Adam has God in the Garden, why does he need a helpmate?
• Once you have answered these questions, then ask yourself what happens to the boundaries and bonds when Eve sins? “

Or this:

“your two days on Jeremiah leaving me feeling stupid and unable to apply the word.  Okay, so we have it all backward on a woman protecting a man.  It’s like filigree on a gold ring, cool, but how does this change me, allow me to be changed or help me to learn a better way?  I just feel bad for not knowing how to do it right!

Please, share what God meant, how it is to be applied, and allow me to implement it, not just know that I’m not doing it as God would like.  Hello, I’m a sinful creature who comes from sinners and has learned from sinners – that’s my reality and I am desperately trying to leave it behind so help me. ”

Let’s see what we have learned.

1. God created woman as a helpmate – an ezer.  The word implies something quite unusual.  Victor Hamilton notes:

Any suggestion that this particular word denotes one who has only an associate or subordinate status of a senior member is refuted by the fact that most frequently this same word describes Yahweh’s relationship to Israel.  He is Israel’s help(er) because he is the stronger one (see e.g. Exod. 18:4; Deut. 33:7, 26, 29; Ps. 33:20; 115:9-11; 124:8; 146:5; etc.)

The word is used less frequently for human helpers, and even here, the helper is one appealed to because of superior military strength (Isa. 30:5) or superior size (Ps. 121:1).  The verb behind ‘ezer is ‘azar, which means “succor,” “save from danger,” “deliver from death.”

1. If the woman was created to fill the role of the ‘ezer, then sin reverses some of that intention (see Genesis 3:16).  The bond between that man and the woman is broken.  The hierarchy is re-arranged because of sin.  The boundary established by God in His original intention for marriage (see Genesis 2:24) is twisted.  Have you ever considered how unusual Genesis 2:24 really is.  In a picture of marriage as God intended, the man leaves his previous familial connection and cleaves to the woman.  This is exactly the opposite of the way that we think about relationship re-ordering in marriage, and counter to our practices both inside and outside the church.  But we must ask why God’s original declaration of marriage sees the man as the party who breaks former relationships and establishes a new exclusive relationship with his wife.
2. Jeremiah’s announcement in chapter 31:22 seems to suggest that God has not abandoned His original model.  In spite of the fact that the original model is upside-down, God says that He will bring it about.
3. Proverbs 31:11 uses a critical word for “trusts”, a word that is never used in any other human relationship.  It is the exclusive domain of a person’s trust in God.  But here this word of divine trust is applied to the marriage relationship.  The verse says  that a man trusts his wife.  We can only ask, “In this analogy, who plays the role of God?”  Here’s a hint.  It isn’t the man.  The theme of the helper (the ‘ezer) is present here, for no man will trust his wife with the same quality as he trust his God unless he believes that he is placing his life in the hands of the stronger and more capable party.

With this in mind, we can suggest that Eve offered Adam, as ‘ezer, the protection and provision that he could not find in any other creature.  She was designed specifically to meet his need.  Moreover, even though Adam walked with God in the Garden, the precise human relationship Eve offered, as a constant reminder of the divine Helper, was still necessary.  Eve was an essential part of the capacity of human beings to fulfill the divine plan (see the elements of the divine commission in Genesis 1:28).

Now think about what happens to all this divine intention when Eve listens to the serpent.  She fails to fulfill her specifically intended role as ‘ezer.  A lot of things come about because of this failure, but the failure does not erase the divine commission.  Sin adds consequences and twists the methodology but it does not erase the objective.  Eve will still bear children (multiply and fill) but she will do so in sorrow.  She will still desire to exercise the role she was intended to play, but now the tables are turned and the man will rule over her.  Sin throws the world out of order.

OK, so if this is right (is it?), then what does it tell us about redeemed marriage?

1. We must note that Jesus quotes Genesis 2:24 as the authoritative text on marriage.  God’s plan for marriage, including the leaving and cleaving, has not changed.  It is still based on ezer.  In spite of the world’s reversal, God’s plan remains.
2. A redeemed marriage is one that takes seriously God’s original intention.  Without a doubt, that intention has been frustrated by the entry of sin.  But the believer is called to open the door for God’s will to be done on earth, and that must have an impact on the shape and structure of marriage.
3. It appears as though the Bible gives a much stronger role to women than contemporary culture, even the contemporary role usually understood within the context of Christian marriage.
4. If redeemed marriage is to model the original intention, what does this mean in terms of the behavioral changes for men and women?

We can suggest the following:

1. Men will have to acknowledge the increased role of leadership in marriage.  I do not believe that this is inconsistent with the advice of Paul (another topic) because I believe that a wife leads by de facto authority in the same way that God leads by de facto authority.  A man trusts his wife because it is in his best interests to do so.  He can do this because his wife must model the caretaking effort of God.  Her responsibility is to nurture, protect and help in the same way that God nurtures, protects and helps.
2. Woman will have to step up to this new challenge.  After centuries to cultural reversal, redeemed marriage will mean a change in mindset.  Old patterns will need to be transformed.  No wife can act as the ‘ezer with a mind of a subordinate.
3. The church will have to give serious consideration to a new view of marriage, one that does not simply follow the pattern of the culture.  How can marriage be redeemed if it looks just like the world’s romantic version?
4. 1 Peter 3:7 suggests that men should honor their wives. The Greek is very powerful.  Honoring is not simply acknowledging and recognizing.  Honoring includes voluntary obedience.  This will be a very difficult transition, one that fight against all the culture and human history since the Fall.
5. Both men and women must make a commitment to practice marriage based strictly on the Biblical texts (all of them).  This will require serious study, not just a quick glance at the latest marriage counseling book.  God knew what He was doing.  We seem to have forgotten that.
6. Both men and women will need to carefully distinguish between authority and hierarchy.  They are not the same.  Neither are ownership and possession (consider Song of Solomon 8:6).

Maybe this helps.  Maybe not.  I have a long way to go in thinking about this.  I am also a product of the male cultural bias.  But God is working on me.