The often-repeated truism about marriage is the once the honeymoon is over, life comes back to normal and the bloom is off the romance.  There is good reason behind this expectation.  The romance of courtship fades under the pressures of jobs, house, friends, children, etc.  We stop putting our best selves forward.  The mysterious beckoning that we felt during that period of mutual exploration of possibilities becomes the routine of living together, often not really enjoying all those “cute little things” that we once thought made our chosen partner so adorable.  The experience of the majority is that somehow the fire burns a little less hot, the grind is a little more compelling and that horrible word begins to creep back into our souls – bored!

Because this experience seems so universally true, we might be led to believe that it is just as correct as it is normal.  We watch the newly dating couple, or those whose recent vows have not yet tarnished, and we shake our heads knowingly.  Just wait, we say to ourselves, and soon things will be just like they are for me.  Once I was a romantic but now I have grown up.  Life is difficult, to quote a very popular writer.  We just know better.

Personal reflection will convince us how normal the reasoning is.  But what is the norm is not necessarily right.  Fifty thousand Frenchmen can be wrong.  And so can you and I.

What happened along the way?  We used to look into each other’s eyes in those days and feel the wonder.  I am sure each of us could point to many distractions, circumstances and choices.  The last of these three options is not so widely admitted.  We all like to put the blame elsewhere.  The job is often much more the culprit to marriage boredom than the fact that I chose to let the job take me over.  Children are a wonderful excuse for not putting effort into being husbands or wives.  They are so readily available to blame.  Of course, the fact that I chose to let them occupy my every moment fades in comparison to the more obvious.  Still, at the bottom of it all is choice.  When we were “hot to trot”, we seemed to make effortless choices to be together, see each other, bend the rules, hold on for dear life, fall head over heels.  In those moments, nothing was more important.  Now things seem different.

But they probably aren’t!  The person who now shares your life and your bed is probably the same one that drove you crazy with desire.  The person you couldn’t wait to hold, see, talk to, plan with, share everything, is probably still right there, feeling all the same things you do and being just as frustrated.  Hopelessness is a bipartisan effort.

May I suggest that it is time to play around?  Pick your partner and go for it!  The best partner to pick is the one who already has your heart’s desire in mind.  My guess is that he or she is right there in front of you.  The problem is that both of you have forgotten how wonderful it is to play.  Time to remember!