Call Of Duty
And leading them outside, he said, “Sirs, what must I do that I may be saved?” Acts 16:30
Must – As I look back on some things written, I find this: “A growing sense of aloneness accompanies nearly every moment of my day. My social connections to comrades and friends offer peripheral distraction, but do not touch the deepest core of this loneliness. My dearest companion stands aloof, critical, judgmental. There is no comfort there. It is as if observation of my faults and failures becomes grist for condemnation rather than grounds for empathy. No one holds me. No one gives me permission to cry over my loss of the sense of self, of purpose, of acceptance. In a world filled with people, I am alone.
God is silent. I know Him as the Judge, not the Comforter. My desire to sit with Him and weep over my life seems impossible now. I don’t know where He is. Every word I write sounds the alarm and widens the abyss. I am tempted to give it up, but then there would be no reason to continue in the hope that somehow I will meet Him along this path.
Everywhere I look, I feel the pressure to perform – to live up to someone’s expectations. Some expect me to produce financial gain. Some expect me to rise above the dross of Christian confusion and lead a holy life. Some expect me to solve their problems, to give them direction, to fix things. But I am broken enough to know that none of these expectations will come to pass. I am not my brother’s fixer. Perhaps all I see is how desperately I need someone to care without any expectations.
The narcotic of addictive anesthetics no longer provides even temporary relief. I walk in the terrifying fog. I am stripped of life, animated aimlessness. What happened to the hope of wholeness? What happened to the wonder of simply living? It was pushed aside by the demand to be someone else. I am a hypocrite aware of his own pretense.
I am reminded of the Psalmist. ‘If I descend to Sheol, You are there.’ Well, I have descended. I am waiting. Are You there? My cognitive theology answers, “Of course,” but there is no emotional confirmation. Abraham waited 13 years before God spoke again.
I have cut the ties to Hellenistic Christianity. I can’t go back there. It is form without substance. But now what? The wilderness? Wandering? I don’t have what Israel has – a history that might sustain me in the valley of the shadow of death. I have no culture to lean on. I am disconnected. I am Hagar. I know where I have come from – my pain. But I don’t know where I am going. Only deeper into the desert to die. Without connection, I am not. To be human is to be in conversation with my Creator and a blessing to others. Most of us die as animals.”
If the jailer had time to reflect, he might have experienced some of these same thoughts. I often wonder if his cry isn’t really about the possibility of punishment for failure on the job. I wonder if he didn’t see, in a moment of heavenly illumination, that he was the prisoner. His question reveals his military orientation. The Greek verb, dei, is a call of duty. What must – of necessity, of obligation, of inevitability – I accomplish to be freed from the cell that surrounds me wherever I am? What is my duty now? How must I respond to my world turned upside-down? Help me.
Is his cry to be saved, to be ushered into the pearly gates when he dies? I don’t think so. That might be a by-product of his recognition of captivity, but I think his question is the question we all ask when we realize that we are prisoners within ourselves. What do I need to do to be rescued from the life that I have allowed to control me? What must I do to be saved from what I see to be true of myself? I can’t stay here anymore. My neat and tidy world has been dismantled. I am suddenly surrounded by a terrifying fog. Help me, please.
Topical Index: save, must, dei, Acts 16:30
If you didn’t see the announcement that you can sign up for a free 1 hour discussion this coming Thursday, go here. We will join others around the world to talk about living the Hebraic model in daily practice, plus some other interesting bits and pieces. Hope you will join us.
Skip
Your writing is gut-wrenching in its honesty. In many ways I can totally relate, though I have little knowledge of the depths of your struggle. Looking at the verse for today, my first thought was “what does it mean to ‘be saved’?” As a product of two parents once high in the orders of Campus Crusade for Christ, the traditional answer is no longer sufficient. I don’t know if it’s real or manufactured to convince me of some agenda. What is salvation? What did Yeshua’s death and resurrection accomplish? Did it take away my sins? If so, were the temple still standing would the sacrifices of levitical worship still continue? It must have something to do with restoring the fellowship that was lost that fateful day in the garden, else why would God have placed us there unless He knew that the problem would be resolved by Himself/His Son. And if obeying Torah is an act of love and obedience, if it’s not observed (or not observed properly) does that mean I “am not saved”?
There, and now Christian terminology and jargon has jumbled my understanding of even the most simple of things. The fog in which you found yourself has wound itself into my world, so thick that I can’t see, and I am afraid to move lest I make a mistake or fall into a pit that shatters me entirely. Unlike you, I don’t know how to sever the ties to traditional Christianity, especially with a husband who doesn’t yet understand the turmoil inside my body as the battle rages between what was and what is so that what will be may be determined. Yet He is holy, and there is a sliver of silver string winding through the labyrinth that I can grasp to help me dig deeper and go farther into the mystery, aided by those who have walked the path before me. He provides faithfully. Thank you!
First, the question: “What must I do to be saved?” (If you are not familiar with the context of this question, read this man’s story in Acts 16).
The Philippian jailor was witness to something wonderful that day. He wanted whatever “it” was that these men had. (His questions was familiar to the Christ also.) “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”, was the question of the “rich, young ruler”. And even still today we ask this same question: -What must I “do?”
My proposal is this: In order to get the “right answer”, we must as the “right question.” I cannot learn the capital city of Montana by asking the teacher -“what is the sum of two plus two?”- I must ask the right questions.
Now for some good news. (some refer to this “good news” as the “gospel”). Salvation is not spelled “do”. It is spelled “done.” G-d offers (unto all) a free gift. It is the gift of G-d, (not of works/do) lest any man should boast. Jesus (Yeshua) the Christ (HaMashiach) paid it all. “It is finished”- “tetalesti”- one of the most beautiful words in the (yes) Greek language. “Paid in full”
Jesus paid it all- all to Him I owe- sin had left a crimson stain- He washed it white as snow. This my wonderful family is the “gospel”. My salvation/deliverance/redemption is “paid in full.” This also dear ones reveals to me the necessity of the cross. “How I love that dear cross, where the dearest and best- for a world of lost sinners was slain.”
Now the preaching (proclaiming) of the cross is to them which are perishing- foolishness, but unto us which are (being) saved, it is the power of G-d unto salvation. Yes, friends – we must, we must, we must- include and conclude the cross of the Christ as central and vital to our relationship with YHWH, for it is the only doorway by which we can enter into a new relationship with our Creator.
We must return (again and again) to the cross. I do not know how to approach this any other way- “salvation” – our liberty- our freedom, was purchased at a cost none of us will ever fathom- the precious blood of the Lamb of G-d “which takes away the sins of the world.” (-and Hallelujah- that Man died for me and in my place- a propitiation/peace offering for (all) my sins. Praise His name.
Okay- wonderful. I’m “saved.” (to be blunt)- Now what? Here am I- July 5th, 2010, a born-again, blood-bought, child of the King. (do you “feel” as I do?”). I’m “all dressed up” with nowhere to go.. (lol!) Heaven born, heaven-bound, but what about “Monday morning?” lol!
I am just like you. I just don’t know “all that I have” and “all that I am” “in Christ!” I am like a kid on Christmas day- “discovering” day-by-day the gifts that each day holds. (Shall we start a list?)
Here am I. I’m out of bed and vertical. I’m breathing in and out. I have all my fingers, all my toes- and all my natural born teeth. (for a guy from Tennessee- that’s pretty good!). I’ve been blessed with an awesome wife and three amazing children. I’ve had a tasty cup of coffee and today I have the day off from work. It’s a beautiful day out there and I soon will exit my door to become part of it.
But first, I must spend some time with the Giver of all good gifts. My Creator, Redeemer, Lover and Friend. Do you know His name? If you think it is “Jesus”- that would be like calling me- “Bubba” or “hey you”.
“Discover” His name. It is the name of salvation. It is the name of shalom. It is the name of sanctification. It is the name of satisfaction. His name is Wonderful. And family- I am “called by His name!” I belong to Him!- Lock,stock and barrel-I belong to Him! All my towels are marked- “His!”
My “claim-to-fame?” I belong to the Shepherd of the sheep. I am a “kept” man. Hallelujah!
If I ask Him to enable and empower me to do, to say and to think only those things which are pleasing in His sight,this day, would He answer a prayer like that?
If I were to ask Him for a change of heart, a change of desire- a new world-view and mind-set- would He answer my prayer? (Does G-d hear and answer prayer? -) -I’m just trying to ask the right questions here.
How may I live, this very day, Abba Father- so I may please you in every thought, word and action? In the name of my Savior, Redeemer and Friend closer than a brother, I ask that You through the power of your Holy Breath, now living and residing inside of me,because of the new birth, would make this happen today, -as I go about the duties and necessities of this day, be near unto me, I pray. Amen.
Skip,
Beautifully written! You are not alone, of course, but I suspect many of us have felt this way. You nailed it!
Amanda- God knows right where you are and He knows your heart. Seek Him and you will find Him. Rest in Him.
What a blessing to receive these teachings!
Shalom Amanda,
I like reading your responses. they are expressed honestly and well.
I guess we are all in this place of geting to know HaShem and Yeshua HaMashiach all over again, through our newly found Hebrew roots. I was listening to Rabbi Gorelik this weekend on the parashah portion “Pinchas” and He is speaking about Pinchas and the promise given to him of an everlasting priesthood, and also about Yeshua as the priest in the order of Melchezadek. This will really help to answer some of your questions and give some new perspective to hold on to. Here is the link. Click on the mp3 to download:
Pinchas and Messiah 07/19/08 mp3 Donation
Oh I see the link is not active, This one should work.
http://www.eshavbooks.org/Audio/04-Numbers/Num_25-30_071908.zip
Hi Antoinette,
Thanks for sharing this link about Pinchas and the promise of two different priesthoods:
– the first everlasting priesthood given to Pinchas in the order of Aaron
– and the everlasting priesthood given to Yeshua in the order of Melchezadek
I listened to the tape two nights in a row and found the explanation a bit difficult to summarize.
But it is very interesting Biblical information and Rabbi Gorelik’s explanation is very illuminating.
The heavenly priesthood of Yeshua is compared to the earthly priesthood of Aaron.
Because Yeshua was from the tribe of Judah, he couldn’t offer up sacrifices in the temple.
The priesthood of Yeshua is similar to Aaron’s but it does not replace Aaron’s.
The priesthood of Yeshua is “substance” and the priesthood of Aaron is “shadow.”
Both priesthoods are designed for earthly needs; both high priests are human, have compassion, and are capable of sin.
But Jesus is God and does not sin.
Both priesthoods require the priest to stand in the “gap” and are based on the model of Pinchas.
The priesthood of the Messiah is not earthly, and is not from tribe of Levi.
Pinchas is a kind of hero who sanctifies God by killing the worshippers of Baal and Israelites whose idolatry threatens the community of Israel.
Pinchas pleases God even though he takes the law into his own hands.
Thank you! I will download it and listen to it today!
You just brought King David, the Psalmist, to the 21st Century. A man after G-d’s own heart. Thank you!
I have followed as a silent reader, pondering every word, seeing the change in your spirit, soul, and
mind. You see I have taken this journey you speak of and YHWHS WORD is TRUTH! With following
His commandments, and being a Torah observer, I have experienced true FREEDOM! May you be
Blessed brother!
Thank you, Lynn. I hope you will not remain a “silent” reader. There are many who need your experience and encouragement. The most common cry I hear among readers is this: “I am all alone out here.”
Skip … achi …
We have talked a number of times and we are in agreement that The WORD itself (from a purely human behavioral perspective) can be adequately defined as a “Tragic Composition”.
Oh do not get me wrong … The LORD is glorious and wonderful … and life is so awesome and precious! Yet when we look at the world and when we look at ourselves we are trapped and most often times unable to see as HE does. We know deep down that we are the problem!
Today Skip you bring home to every reader what can be experienced when we “die to this world” … what happens when we take up the cross and follow him! There are times, (as when you crafted this commentary), that the seemingly infinite boundaries of loneliness are overwhelming and inescapable. A loneliness that perhaps we are destined to share with our beloved Mashiach Yeshua … A loneliness we are blessed to experience in small measure just to graze the surface of the depths of G_D’s sorrow, pain and disappointment responsive to human treachery and rejection.
The LORD promised to bless us … He never indicated that the narrow path would be easy or full of temporal gladness …. the joy (shalom) He promises is only a guaranteed Spiritual joy while temporal good fortunes are a plus while we learn to understand how to be content with little or much!
Skip … I know this loneliness and anguish personally despite my walk being guided by Torah and supported by firm believers within a Messianic Jewish community. I have even shared more than one conversation with our TW sister Robin respective to this very issue.
Personally I believe this experience is part of the process. At times we are pushed to the edge so that we simply have no one to call upon but HIM … at other times this loneliness may be a means of helping us understand the real consequences of sin … separation from the source of all goodness. In all cases however our faith must persist in the midst of the darkness … we must remain confident even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death …. which is Olam hazeh.
Chazak, Chazak
ps. A slightly different topic in closing: Skip stated The most common cry I hear among readers is this: “I am all alone out here.” …
This is hard for me to swallow Skip in light of the recent survey results. My mind has a hard time reconciling the contradiction of “Am I all alone out here” with …
Nearly 75% hardly ever go to the web site.
ONLY 2% write blog comments.
Honestly … I don’t get it … at all!
Yeah, sometimes I don’t get it either, but I know this: most people are not cerebral. They want and need face-to-face relationships to keep them encouraged and moving. SO, we are going to do all we can to facilitate that. Look for the announcement very soon. In the meanwhile, we can at least get closer with voice-to-voice on the webinar Thursday.
“I can’t stay here anymore. My neat and tidy world has been dismantled. I am suddenly surrounded by a terrifying fog. Help me, please.”
I think we all feel some degree of confusion as our world of Hellenistic Christianity is torn apart brick by brick. However, in the midst of the remains, there is still the fundamental principles of Torah to love God and love our neighbor. Our despair is the opportunity to connect with God in the deep. The “Dark Night of the Soul” is a place of growth as we trust Him who is not seen or felt. As all of in this community confront our issues, may we be as open and honest as Skip has been. He truly is leading by example.
Skip, quite an honest and revealing post. Many of us have reached a level of confusion after Hellenistic Christianity beliefs are broken down. But at some point you must start to rebuild from the new building blocks that have been rediscovered. Currently there ar not any “perfectly Hebraic” groups out there that I know of. But then there never will because we are supposed to change as we grasp a deeper understanding of His Word. Along with our deeper understanding must also come a compassion and patience for those who do not yet understand for we were once there. Find a local Messianic Fellowship to get “face” time and be accepting of others differing levels of understanding. You were correct in your evaluation, the majority of people are not cerebral but are relational. As you have discovered for yourself, people need face time, you cannot subsist on theory only, there must be action and activity as well. I plan to be there Thursday night.