A Personal Note
Today while I was praying the Lord reminded me that I am just a student like the rest of you. I am just learning as I go, making mistakes, drawing the wrong conclusions, feeling inadequate to the task. I try to be as careful with the text as I can be. I try to be cognizant of the many different approaches to interpretation. But my horizon is just as limited as anyone’s and I am sure that I often fail to capture what you might see or believe. This is a journey together and while I might be a step or two ahead of some, I lag far behind others.
In particular, I struggle with prayer. Yes, I teach seminars on the subject and I have written quite a bit about the vocabulary of prayer, but when it comes to those times on my knees, I still fight distraction, I still find I am talking too much, I still miss the presence of the Father. Prayer is without any doubt the hardest part of my discipleship. I am not sure why this is the case since I certainly know intellectually what prayer is about and why it is so essential, but right now it is difficult. I have not learned to weep, but I need to.
My mother died last week, on Thursday night. She was 95. She lived a long, Spirit-filled life. She prayed often. I have not come close to her sense of God’s presence. Nor have I dealt very well with her passing. It is not that I am ovecome with emotion. It is that I am not feeling the deep sense of loss that will some day become a reality. I pray about this. I don’t know what else to do.
Several of my childern are in desperate need of God’s guidance. They face personal crises and long-lasting decisions that must be carefully weighed. It is the same for most of us. Life rarely comes in black and white. Most of us must struggle with gray to find our way. I pray about this too.
I am not looking for your sympathy. I am only feeling quite insufficient for the role God’s seems to have given me at the moment. I ask only that you remember who I am: just one more of the crowd trying to hear His voice and respond.
Shalom.
Skip
I weep; it is something our father imparts to my heart and soul. My prayer is for you and your children. May you be blessed and your children quiet their hearts to hear is spirit and will. And may our creator continue to keep you humble and bring his peace upon your heart. May our father continue to give you strength to fulfill his purpose’s.
Shalom.
Shalom Skip,
Reading your note made me realise that this was one HUGE area that I also seem to struggle with. Not the praying so much but the LISTENING part. In the last 18 months I have had so many prophetic dreams. Reoccuring, warning by warning. And when I read through your note I came to the realisation that may be that is exactly why I am dreaming so much – this is may be the way Abba wants to communicate with me because I am not quiet before Him?
We all need to search our lives my friend, you are not unique in this one.
Looking forward to seeing you in October. When last spoken with Luzette, I think Johan & I will probably fetch you from the airport. Can’t wait.
Blessings,
Rina Mienie
Skip I cried when I read this because of your humility in being so open and honest about the human condition. I empathise and can only encourage you with this Psalm 17 which was a prayer of David who was like us. May it minister to your spirit ……see especially verse 15 …….As for me (Skip) I will behold your face in righteousness: I (Skip) shall be satisfied, when I awake, with your likeness.
Blessings upon you and your family. May he give wisdom and guidance to you in all that you do or say.
Christine
Hi Skip,
I’m just a weak man like you. But my prayer is hardly ever on my knees. Most of the time I jump on my bike and start cycling through nature. And there I have long conversations with God. He listens and I listen. It’s really incredible how often He gives me the right perspective on life by just looking around and seeing His creation. Often the answers are right there, waiting for me to pick them up. It was there He learned me to let go of all I thought important.
Often I feel like Eliah, just having performed one of the greatest signs: calling fire from heaven. And than fleeing into the desert in total despair and asking to Lord to let me die. Than He gently picks me up and asks without any reproach: What are you doing here, Kees? There’s more for you to do still.
But then again: this is just my way of praying.
Kees
Wow Skip! I was so touched by your sharing on this intimate level … opening yourself up with your own personal struggles and vulnerability. You blessed me more than you can know as we all journey together to pursue an ever deeper relationship with our God. Blessings.
Skip,
I am sorry for your loss. It is among the toughest losses you will face. It is the hardest communication to replace, too.
If it is of an help I think of the passage in John 14 where Jesus tells us He si going to prepare a place for us; that where He is going we will be there also. So, in a way, has he prepared this place for you to be now. Quiet,reflective listening to the still, small voice through which he speaks to us. Go to the sea and look at the horizon and let His light shine upon you so that your light may shine and “glorify our Father in heaven”
Peace I leave with you. My Peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you Let not your heart be troubled neither let them be afraid.
Peace be with you Skip.
Thank you for your personal note. I am moved to pray for your prayer life and for your grieving process and your family. May God continue to bless you.
Touched and impressed by your openness. Thank God for your Mum. I still do for mine who passed over 20 years ago. I marvel at how she lived by her strong belief in the Bible as the Word of God. Her way is still an inspiration and guide to me. Surrender more of the self (your self) to HIM. Remember that HE formed you and knows you better than you know yourself. I find great comfort in accepting this. Ask HIM to shape you and guide you. And wait. Patiently. Knowing that HE is answering you. Know that many others, yours truly included, are interceding on behalf of you and your children. May God’s comforting hands enfold you. May his peace be with you. May God’s goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life. Keep holding on, Skip. When you can’t hold on, let HIM hold you. Every blessing.
I, perhaps with many followers of this ministry that the LORD has placed in your capable hands, came by no accident. Even though not a regular participant of the daily forum (I find it somewhat intimidating), nevertheless, I fully support and never miss a day that your teachings and the contributions of others touch my life profoundly. Yes, there are times of disagreement, for me that is natural. However, as I have grown closer over the years to TW, it is no longer a collection of strangers and a teacher. I have witnessed much, much more than that; the love of God is alive and well here, and we all have each other’s backs!
Skip,
I am sorry for the loss of your mother. It makes my heart hurt for you. How blessed your family was to have one who came before you, who lived a life so connected to the Father. I always think of all the good that comes into a family, for generations, because of the faithfulness of those who came before.
I confess that I, too, have become less passionate about the business of praying. I recognize my need, and I miss that level of communication, but it seems that there are ‘seasons’ when I am more devoted, and times when I am less so. I try not to beat myself up about it, but there it is.
I hope that today, and in the days to come, you will experience peace and comfort, and a deeper sense of God’s hand at work in your family. I am sure that the prayers of the TW community will be heard in the throneroom of our great God. Thank you for sharing your life with us all.
Dear Skip,
Feeling such sorrow to hear of the loss of your Mother. I’m sure she was very proud of you as her son and the vacancy of the place she has in your life is in a time of adjustment for now. With all the burdens of your heart expressed here, know we hold you in our hearts as we all learn how to draw closer to our Father together. Thank you for including us in your journey.
May the Shalom of our Father be with you and your family.
Thank God you had your mother so long and you know where she is. That is a blessing from God.
We all suffer with busy minds. I am using Center Pointe.com to help me calm my mind and spend more quiet time with God. It is easy to talk to Him but difficult to shut up and listen. Focus on beathing, it seems to help slow you down. What a great thing we have to go boldly to God in prayer.
Skip,
First, I am very sorry for your loss. May your heart be comforted as His presence surrounds you. Second, my experience is that most struggle with prayer, especially unanswered prayer. For myself, I carry an “Abridged Prayer Book For Jews In The Army and Navy of the United States.” It was my dad’s book that he carried while serving in Patton’s army in WWII. I sense a connection to both my heavenly father and earthly father as I pray the prayers. When we do not see the results we desire, there is a tendency to lose interest in prayer. I like to use the Star Wars movies to explain how to approach unanswered prayer. If you stopped half way through the first movie, Darth Vader is a bad guy and he is in charge. By the end of the third movie, he is a good guy and the good guys win. We have to remember that just because the answer is not forthcoming yet, today is not the final word. This encourages me to pray and then listen. I do not need to convince Him to act. He will act when the time is right. I can relax in His presence.
We are (all) exactly “where you are.” Each and every one of us “struggle” in this journey, our Aliyah towards the door marked Exit. (the strength is in the struggle!) This is what keeps us going: ~ but God is faithful ~
It is, as we have found it -“not about us,”- it is all about Him. To God (and God alone) be the glory. Less of me, more of Him- we all know the drill, and if not, then (like everyone else)- will “find out” – and yes, as we sadly know, – the hard way. It seems to me (personally) -I do my best learning (ouch!) – the hard way. The University of Hard Knocks, is not far from the truth. Experience, (pain included) is one of our best teachers. And as Mr. Jimmy once said, “Are you experienced?” But Mr. Jimmy colored outside of the lines (the protective fence/hen God has provided- His Word) and is no longer here experiencing life with us.
Remember, – you are “unique”- just like everyone else. And God don’t make no junk. Every life (including my own) is beautiful. My two-cent advice to all? Return to the cross. Again, and again and again- (in His own words)- “Remember Me.” We each walk (together) The Calvary Road. (And a book by the same title is highly recommended for those desiring personal revival and a closer walk with the Person of Christ! The author is Roy Hession. Have a box of tissues nearby- the eyes will not be dry when you finish this book! And we have this enduring Promise from the Father, ~ return unto Me and I will return unto you ~ (Zechariah 1.3)
Truth is universal. Truth applies to everyone who draws breath. The young, the old, the male, the female, the Jewish, the non. God’s Truth- (Thy Word is Truth-John 17.17) is eternal. It is the sure Foundation, the Rock upon which we may stand. The unfailing word of God- is our life’s blood. It is living, active and eternal. The word of God was here before we arrived and it will be here long after we are no longer. God’s word abides (remains) forever. (Isaiah 40.8) We base our lives, we center our lives, we live our lives based upon a Book. It is God’s Book written by humans (Moses (shock,shock) was a man) inspired by God. (2 Timothy 3.16)
He who spoke, still speaks- and speaks unto men. We are His workmanship, His instruments- His tools to minister, to serve, to love one another. We serve/love God by serving/loving each other. I am learning (daily) to be the servant. We (each and all) already have been given a (mostly-unused) gift. For many this gift has never been opened! – It is the mind of Christ! ~ We (now) have the mind of Christ! ~ Yes, the mind, the heart (in Hebrew-“leb”) of a servant.
~ The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges/discerns all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct Him?” But we (now) have the mind of Christ. ~ (1 Corinthians 2:14-16 ESV)
Who is the natural person? It is whoever is without or outside of Christ. Who is the “spiritual man?” Those who are “in Christ.” With Him or without Him- location, location- location! “in Christ?” or outside?
His eternal invitation? “Enter in!” The veil has been torn from top to bottom- and tHis invitation has been issued to “whosoever will!” ~ Come unto Me and I will (personally) give you rest ~
The altar is the meeting place between Holy God and sinful man. Who was the one whose prayer was accepted? The one who smote his breast and said (confessed)- “God, be merciful unto me- the sinner.” Friends, it is so true, – “sinners only, welcome here.” We (all) -including the elder brother, must come unto our Father with a repentant heart and say with “both” erring sons, “Father, I am no longer worthy to be called Your son, but am willing to be your slave”- And what was the result, the outcome, the “rest of the story?” Listen intently- “The Father ran to meet him!”- The only time, that I know of, God was ever seen to be “in a hurry!” – The Father ran to meet him!. Who? The repentant one. May I quickly learn/desire every day and every moment of every day- to repent and what true repentance is. Be swift my soul to answer Him; be jubilant my feet.
(I think we know). What is left is for us- not only to “know”- but to “do.”- And to do it “now.” ~ For now is (always) the accepted time ~ (2 Corinthians 6.2)
True belief and true repentance, – every grace that brings you nigh. ~ and as you have received the LORD Jesus Christ, so walk ye in Him ~ And how did I first receive Him? Repentance and faith, – two sides of the same coin. Not repentance only, not faith only- it takes two. Repentance, (a turning away from) and faith (a right-response and a turning towards). This does not necessitate “walking an aisle” or joining any organization nor giving away your precious life’s possessions. This involves you giving you (all of you) to Him. Dear LORD, I give my “self” away,- ’tis all that I can do. I give all I know of me, (which isn’t much!) to all I know of Him, – just like the little lad and his lunch- I give “everything” to Him. The “all” of me. My time, my talents, my treasure, my thoughts, my teeth and my tongue. Down to the “nitty and the gritty,” the good, the bad and the ugly, -He now owns it all. I am voluntarily “under” His complete authority. I gladly, freely, fully confess Jesus (the) Christ, Yeshua HaMashiach is LORD/Master/Boss to the glory of God the Father and Giver of every perfect Gift including the best gift of all,- Himself. Yes, God will (and has) provided Himself, the Lamb. The Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, -including my own!
Who am I? A sinner saved by grace. Yes. But wait.. – there’s more! lol! For I am (according to His own words, according to the God who never lies, “not only,- but also.” Not only a sinner, but now a son! Not only a sinner, but now a saint! Not only a sinner, but also now- a soldier! Not only a “saved sinner, but a steward! And there is so much more… “in Christ!” He is the Living Gift that keeps on giving! Do you know Him? Plant two knees (and a face) in front of Calvary’s cross. -“Bow the knee.” Learn to pray- “secretly-silently.” I like to say more but (lol!)- it is secret and it is silent! ~ Enter His gates with thanksgiving and into His courts with praise! ! Be thankful unto Him and praise His Name- for the LORD is good! (Do you know the “rest” of the story?) “Enter in..”- Whosoever will, may come. And when our LORD said “whosoever,” He included me. – One among many.
Thank you for the cross, LORD.
Thank you for the price You paid.
Bearing all my sin and shame, in love You came
And gave amazing grace.
Thank you for this Love, LORD.
Thank you for the nail-pierced hands.
Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know…
Your forgivness and embrace.
Worthy is the Lamb
seated on the throne.
We crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious!
High and lifted up
Jesus, Son of God.
The darling of Heaven, -crucified…
Worthy is the Lamb.
~ and they sang a new song: “You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because You were slain, and with Your blood You purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation ~ (Revelation 5:9)
Those who teach are, perhaps, more of a student than those who are taught. To teach we have to research and learn what we will show to those who follow, and that can be an incredible journey in itself. Sometimes the path is clear, sometimes it is less so, sometimes it curves and changes before our eyes. You are an incredible teacher, one who is willing to listen to other sides and adjust in those infrequent times when that is needed.
YHVH will care for our children, and He will guide them as they seek Him. He has promised us that. Your faithfulness will result in their being blessed. He has promised us that. What we know is that He has the end game in mind, and that is ultimately what matters.
Shalom to you, my brother.
Dear Skip,
Very sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so transparent. That action ministers (‘availeth much’) more to people than you know.
Shalom
Ida Blom
Oh, I am so sorry to hear of the death of your beloved mother. She sounds like she was a wonderful lady. When my mother died, I didn’t feel that deep sense of loss either. She had dementia so I had been mourning for her along the journey. In addition she was miraculously saved just before she died and that gave me enormous comfort and peace. You will mourn in your own way and own time. You could be in a bit of shock in that it doesn’t seem real yet. You might want to consider saying Kaddish for your mom. It’s called the Jewish prayer for the dead, but it doesn’t even mention death. Instead, it magnifies and glorifies Adonai. I know that sometimes having a meaningful ritual can help in the healing process.
My prayer life has been dismal for years. I find that I need a prayer partner or partners in order for me to feel connected to G-d. Recently, I started to meet once/week with a good friend in order to praise, worship and pray. We were both dead and despondent and this has revived us. We are fighting back and hearing from G-d. I don’t know about your life, but perhaps you might enter into a convental prayer partnership with another person. Just praying with one other person makes a huge difference, for me at least.
I will pray for you and your family, Skip. I cannot even tell you how much you bless me. Shalom, Donna
Thank you Skip for your transparency. I can relate on both accounts; frustration with prayer life, and also wishng I had been closer to my Mom, passed away a few years ago at 96.
Your gifts to the Body of Christ, teaching and encouragement, are of God. It seems few strong men of God (and women) get the whole package of spiritual gifts. I have no doubts that there are many who pray for you (in two ways: praying for your needs and praying on your behalf).
God is being glorified by your ministry, and in that He takes much pleasure.
Dan
I am praying for you Skip. Thank you for your honestly and humility. This morning before I read your post I thought about my struggles and realized that is exactly where God wants me to be so I press in harder after Him and let Him change me and mold me. It is a wonderful place to be. God bless you!
You are loved, Skip, more than you know! God is blessing you in this sorrow, though it seems there’s a deep fog shrouding us sometimes. The path is clear, but very very narrow. You are helping and serving God’s children more than you can see, and I thank you for your faithfulness and dedication to a most difficult task. God gets to our hearts through our children almost more than with any other tool. It helps to remember that he is our Father, with all that we can possibly understand about that word. You are a father and a brother and a servant to us also. Blessings on you!
Love, Nancy S
Blessings to you and your family. I was just thinking this morning, after listening to your talk on hesed for the second time, how much I appreciate your teaching. I “stumbled” across you web site maybe about a year ago looking for information on the doctrine of hell. I thank God always for that day that He led me to your teachings. They make life real. Thanks for being so real today. We all struggle, and I, for one, do not expect you or anyone else to know it all. You are gracious to admit when you find out that you may have missed something or are willing to add new information when you discover it rather than protecting your own pride. I might remind you in love this morning that, according to your teaching on hesed, it is very Greek to get too bound up by our emotions. Let your “lack” of emotion at this time draw you to the Father. He has a purpose for this too.
With love for in response to the love you show us because of His love for you, (hesed)
Lori
Skip,
My heart goes out to you at the loss of your mother. Thank you for sharing on such a personal level and letting us into your world. As you have taught us it is all about community and we want to be here for you the best way we know how – by praying. Many times when life has happened to me and I can’t pray for myself I reach out to someone close to me to pray for me…to have God open me up so He can flow through me again and touch those places that are hurting or have hardened in my heart. I’m praying for you.
Skip…it seems that even in your pain, G-d uses you to teach us. Clearly He has purpose in all that you are struggling with at the moment…purpose for you, purpose for us.
I pray that you are filled with His peace, comfort, understanding and incite as He takes you to the next level of growth and connection with Him.
And thank you for sharing your journey with us. Growth for you often means growth for us.
I’m already feeling convicted to take my prayer life to a deeper level. It’s often fear of intimacy that gets in the way.
Praise G-d for your wonderful mother and for all the blessings He bestowed on her (and on us, your readers, through her.) May we all rejoice in her memory!! Hallelujah!!
Skip, Laura and I are very sorry for your loss. We rejoice that your mum knew God and that you will see her again at the resurrection. Our prayers are with you, Rosanne and the rest of the family at this time of mourning. May Yah be with you all as you celebrate her life and mourn her (temporary) loss.
May I also add my voice to those other voices of encouragement here. Although we met only briefly during your stay here in Adelaide, we were blessed to have spent that time with you and Rosanne and honored by your friendship. I have learned much from you and from others here in the TW community, so thank you for your faithfulness and honesty.
Praying for renewed strength, resolve and courage to continue on the journey, wherever it may take us and for however long. It is not always easy, being a servant, but we must remember that it is the master who vindicates and justifies, not the servants. Our call is to be faithful and obedient and leave the rest up to Him.
Being “REAL” with our “family of believers” is what this walk is all about! Thanks. Love your heart.
I am sorry to hear of your loss. You’re not alone in being surprised by your response or lack of. I believe our Father tailors the entire process for each of us but the answers we seek sometimes never materialize – at least in this realm. Praying for you.
Good morning Skip,
Bless you, we all process this differently.
My personal response to these losses has thus far been delayed reaction. It felt like I didn’t care enough but that’s proven not to be true. I’ve never experienced an unexpected sudden loss of someone close. I don’t know what would happen at that point. So far Yah has been gentle with me (as perhaps He’s being with you) with a period of preparation leading up to the loss and the grieving began early.
As for Prayer, my experience began with an urgent need followed by the discipline of pressing in to the point of exhaustion that eventually led to a breakthrough.
This happened to me before my formal reformed training and I think is one of the things that kept me from swallowing it hook line and sinker. Theology is theory, prayer is practical. Theology attempts to figure Him out, prayer is less sophisticated and simply grabs His Tzitzit and begs. Rarely do the the two touch each other.
Ask Avinu to make you able to bare a small part of His grief over your pressing needs. It will likely begin a cleansing process in you. You will find your tears and you (and everyone around you) will be stunned.
You enrich our lives so much I dare say your mothers prayers have been answered in you.
Shalom Shalom
We identify with your words. I, too, struggle with prayer – but can study all day.
Thanks for your honesty and transparency. We are but humans…in need of a supernatural God.
God bless you.
I’m sorry for your loss. May God comfort you and your family.
Skip
Your transparency is greatly appreciated. I wish more godly man will do what you are doing, being real. We all face weakness in some areas of our walk with Christ, and admitting to the weakness is the first step of becoming strong. If I admired you before, my respect and admiration has increased ten folds. God bless you Man of God and continue to impart with humbleness all the great insights our heavenly Father has intrusted to you.