A Personal Note
Today while I was praying the Lord reminded me that I am just a student like the rest of you. I am just learning as I go, making mistakes, drawing the wrong conclusions, feeling inadequate to the task. I try to be as careful with the text as I can be. I try to be cognizant of the many different approaches to interpretation. But my horizon is just as limited as anyone’s and I am sure that I often fail to capture what you might see or believe. This is a journey together and while I might be a step or two ahead of some, I lag far behind others.
In particular, I struggle with prayer. Yes, I teach seminars on the subject and I have written quite a bit about the vocabulary of prayer, but when it comes to those times on my knees, I still fight distraction, I still find I am talking too much, I still miss the presence of the Father. Prayer is without any doubt the hardest part of my discipleship. I am not sure why this is the case since I certainly know intellectually what prayer is about and why it is so essential, but right now it is difficult. I have not learned to weep, but I need to.
My mother died last week, on Thursday night. She was 95. She lived a long, Spirit-filled life. She prayed often. I have not come close to her sense of God’s presence. Nor have I dealt very well with her passing. It is not that I am ovecome with emotion. It is that I am not feeling the deep sense of loss that will some day become a reality. I pray about this. I don’t know what else to do.
Several of my childern are in desperate need of God’s guidance. They face personal crises and long-lasting decisions that must be carefully weighed. It is the same for most of us. Life rarely comes in black and white. Most of us must struggle with gray to find our way. I pray about this too.
I am not looking for your sympathy. I am only feeling quite insufficient for the role God’s seems to have given me at the moment. I ask only that you remember who I am: just one more of the crowd trying to hear His voice and respond.
Shalom.
Skip
Dear Skip,
We mourn with you and your family.
I lost my Mother and Father 25 years ago. I know the pain you feel, but I also feel I know your Mother through your words and actions. What a wonderful, caring, sensitive, strong, woman she must have been! There is not a day that goes without memories of my Mother and Father. . I speak of them often to my children who were born after their passing. G-d’s Word is true…Proverbs 10:7 The memory of the righteous is blessed,
The most important sentence from the paragraph below is the soul’s greatest benefit comes from its loved ones’ return to active, even joyous life, in which their feelings of love and veneration translate into deeds that honor the departed soul and attest to its continuing influence in our world.
May the infuence your Mother had in this world continue through you and your children and your children’s children until our Lord returns.
“In other words, we must mourn, but we must also set boundaries to our mourning. To not mourn at all, or to plunge into an abyss of grief and remain trapped on its bottom–both these extremes are detrimental, both to the living and to the soul of the departed. Mourning is a show of respect to the departed and to his or her place in our lives, as well as a crucial stage in the healing of those who experienced the loss. But the soul of the departed does not desire that those remaining in this world remain paralyzed by grief. On the contrary, the soul’s greatest benefit comes from its loved ones’ return to active, even joyous life, in which their feelings of love and veneration translate into deeds that honor the departed soul and attest to its continuing influence in our world.”http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/282506/jewish/Soul-Talk.htm
Skip,
I understand your loss, and will keep you in prayer (and yes, I find prayer very difficult as well). My mother died at 93, a continent away, the day before I was due to leave on my twice-yearly sojourn with her. I never got to say goodbye. I hope that you did. May God bless you and your family in this time of great loss, my brother. He will.
Dear Man of Yahweh (God of the angel armies), I wept when I read your note. Losing the earthly ties with the one who bore you close to her heart for 9 months and nurtured you through life is gut wrenching. Suddenly you are “orphaned”, but you not at all alone. I also wept before our loving Adoni for your anguish in prayer and the lot of your children. I remember how beautifully your expounded on the first Beatitude about being desperate for G-D and felt so convicted because I had not been at that place for awhile. I also remember how desperately I wanted just one more “fix”at a time in my life. I want that kind of desperation for my Father and His cause every day. My dad used to go into a room and pray out loud to keep from being distracted. The enemy hates the bended knee because he knows the war is on! Some days I don’t feel like joining the fight. My Father understands and hears the cry of my heart. There is coming an end to this war in the heavenlies. When you are struggling to pray, please know that you and yours are lifted to the very Throne room of G-D every day. Ministry can strip you to the core at times. Take some time to refuel and know you are loved and upheld by the Everlasting Arms.
Condolences and Blessings dear brother Skip,
Condolences that you will be missing your dear mother and blessings knowing we will be seeing her soon when He comes back with the saints. So looking forward to that day as the night is getting darker day by day. Come quickly Lord Jesus!
Much love to you and all your family in these days of sorrow. Will be praying for you.
Sister Carolyn
Sorry forgot. Shalom, shalom
Praying for you, Skip.
There are two ordinary events in a person’s life that cause him/her to pause and question. The first is on the conception of a child. Is he/she one of God’s children and should I treat him/her as in the household of faith, or as one of the “goyim”? The second is the death of a parent or sibling. Again, it will revolve around the parent or sibling’s faith in YHVH. Will I have overwhelming peace that I will see my parent/sibling again, or is this the end? My own personal experience in both situations is one of positive affirmation that my children were in the covenant from conception because of the promises of YHVH, and the second that my believing parents could say, “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” In which case, the departing ceremony is a victory procession.
That last sentence should read. . . In which case, the departing ceremony is a victory procession and sadness is inappropriate and unnecessary.
I just want you to know that my heart is with you in your loss and your family struggles. We lost a dear man Thur. nite also. May He give you peace, strength, and comfort.
In His Grace,
Helen Cameron
Dear Skip,
Your post this morning brought tears to my eyes. Our deepest sympathy to you and to your family as you grieve the loss of your mom. May God bless you with treasured memories of your precious mom as you mourn.
Thank you for your very honest words. It is a reminder that we ALL are human. We tend to put Pastors and people we see as “deeply religious” (those who comment on Today’s Word!) up on pedestals and think they do everything “right.” They pray the right prayers, say the right things to those who are hurting, give perfect advice to those struggling with raising children, caring for elderly parents, etc., ect. Thank you for your honesty and sincerity.
The scripture that comes to my mind is Romans 8:26-28 “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how we should pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows themind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes on behalf of the saints according to God’s will.”
God hold you and your family in His arms of peace and comfort.
In His love,
Kathie
These kinds of emails make you credible. Thank you for BEING real along this journey.
These kinds of emails also gives opportunity to be Church.
Think we are BEcoming the Body of Believers, huh?
Thank you ALL, those who wrote here and those who sent personal emails. I knew you would understand, yet I was surprised to find that so many of you share the same struggles and experiences. All of this reminds me of Yeshua when He said, “These are my brothers and sisters and mother.” I LOVE THIS FAMILY!
Hi Skip,
I don’t know how i found your site but I am very glad I did. I am sitting at work and decided to take a break for God today and do a little reading. In the midst of me looking up some words I found myself on your site and reading your post from today.
I truly understand your issue with prayer right now. I have not gotten on my knees for quite some time. My connection and prayer life has been very weird for over a year now. However, two weeks ago I realized I was truly missing something and that I needed to get back in place with my relationship. Everyday I find myself finding new reasons or opportunities to take time out and pray. I want you to know I am now adding you to my list. I pray God provides you a release for your mother’s passing as well as a continued reassurance that you are truly on the right path. Although you are in a place of humility know that you truly blessed me on today. Have a Blessed Day.
Hi Skip. About the note:
A) As Keith said about you when I asked him how he had met you: “I liked him ´cause he made sense”
B) I celebrate your Mom´s life, praise the Lord for her!
C) All of us need to write or tell someone something like this on– at least –a weekly basis.
Since you left El Salvador, a couple of weeks ago, I´ve been thinking a bout some things you just answered and clarified for me on your note. Thanks brother.
Skip, Our thoughts are with you and your family in this season of loss and reflection. May YHWH comfort you with the comfort of all those who mourn in Zion and Jerusalem. My own mother passed away a little more than a year ago at the age of 94 and I too, had difficulty in mourning her departure, but also in coming to terms with who she was for me and how her love helped form me into the man I am today. If I may be so bold as to offer my teacher council it would be to start with recognizing what Godly influence your mother and her prayers had on you and how she as a loving mother, never gave up on you, even when you and others close to you did. (I can relate to your personal struggles and failings that you have hinted at and openly shared with the community) In this way you honor her faith, work, vision, mission and purpose she had in this life, not just as your mother, but in all roles Yah gave her to fulfill.
Tim Keller wrote: “You can’t live the Christian life without a band of Christian friends, without a family of believers in which you find a place.” In partnership with the Ruach you have crafted a community both in cyber-space and in the Orlando area; as well as many places around the world where you are welcomed as a friend, brother, teacher and mentor. That is as much a part of your mothers’ legacy as it is yours. So let this thought comfort you and guide you and when you are ready to weep you will weep both tears of loss and mourning, as well as tears of gratitude and joy. Finally, allow those who you minister to on a daily basis, minister to you in prayer, word and deed. We mourn with you our brother and pray for you and yours. In love, Michael and Arnella
Dear Michael and Arnella,
YOU, both of you together, are one of the great success stories of this community. I hope everyone appreciates what you represent – marriage from obedience! Your comments about my mother are true – and I realize how true they are as I read them. I do indeed have a community at large in places all around the world and that my mother’s faith in me, in spite of my many, many failures, is a testimony to her trust in the Lord. Thank you.
Skip
I will take a slightly different tract. With losing both of my parents and two wives, the latest just this past March and as reported on these boards, I am not unacquainted with the emotions of loss and grief, and a sense of lost direction in my life. Yet, not withstanding –
I would join with you, Skip, in worship and thanksgiving to our God for the families He has blessed us with. I celebrate all of these passing’s (yours and mine) with a sense of joy that our God has seen fit to call their labor in the kingdom to an end and to take them into His arms. To welcome them into His presence – while comforting us in His Spirit and in the love and sorrow we share through the touch of our families and friends.
May the God of all grace be with you.
Shalom Aleichem
I have been learning tremendously from this community of believers for several months now and never commented. This confession, admission, release of burden (whatever you choose to call it) today has helped me to realize that even those I hold with utmost respect may struggle on occasion. I have been in a place of retreat from prayer and many other things for quite some time now as our lives have been attacked over and over through many various ways, including an extreme fright with my health. All I can say now is thank you for your humility and courage to share this. It helps me immensely. We are all of us imperfect vessels God chooses to use in an imperfect world to edify one another, grieve with one another and simply share the believer’s life with one another as a family. Thank you for what you do. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mother and your struggle. With that said, know that your struggle encourages me in mine.
Skip,
G-d uses everything in our lives for ultimate good. Even if one of your children makes a “wrong” decision G-d can use that in their lives and bring them to the same purpose and end point. He has Plan A, Plan B, Plan C — and adapts the plan along/according to free will. Sometimes I see myself on a checker board and G-d can move me to any point on the checker board he wants me to be without my being aware of his hand. Sometimes we misinterpret what we think HE wants.
The prayers your mom has prayed on behalf of you and your family are still in affect and will still help you, your children and even grandchildren…and so on. After my mom passed away sometimes I would suddenly get teary…in the grocery store!
I’m blessed by your teaching, even if you come back another day to clarify something (or maybe especially if you clarify something). I’m blessed by your spirit, gentleness and openness…and simple humanness.
Shalom,
Darlene
Hi Skip Just wanted you to know I will be praying for you and to let you know how your honesty of how you are feeling has touched my heart. I have thanked you a number of times for the teachings you bring, they have so helped me in my journey seeking God. I am a gentile learning the Jewish ways and with out the filling of the Holy Spirit in my life I know I could not or would not be able to understand the things I am learning now. Some people believe upon salvation we recieve the Holy Spirit, but the Word says to ask the Holy Spirit and He will fill you. Without the Holy Spirit I would not have the prayer life I have, I would not weep for others in intercession because it is not natural for human beings to care that much for one another especially strangers. I lost my mother when I was 22 years old she was only 46, I cried but did not grieve for probably three years after, I was just numb to the pain. At that 3 year interval is when I was saved , asking Yeshua into my life and shortly thereafter asking the Holy Spirit to fill me. No one laid hands on me, just my desire to have all
that God had to give to me. I know I do not use the correct names for God , Jesus, or the Holy Spirit , I am just learning and I hope it does not offend anyone. I do not reply very often to the teaching because all of this group seem so learned and very good with communicating their thoughts. I just had to let you know you are in my prayers and your family too. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I love you with God’s hesed. Donna Earleywine
Skip,
I also am sorry for your loss. You and your ministry has meant much to me in my daily walk.
My prayer life also is not what it should be. I believe many of us struggle in regard to prayer. Skip, you are always in my prayers. Thank you my brother for all you do. Richard McDonald
Bless you! bless you! bless you! for your honesty, I have been challenged over my own honesty recently with regard to the body of Christ. When someone asks me if I am alright I automatically respond “yes I am fine”. This is sometimes the case, other times I have not even addressed how I am with myself so do not know my own heart and other times I am not fine but have learn’t to give the good christian response that shows I have everything sorted with God and the world is rosy.
How can I worship in spirit and truth if I have not been honest with myself my brothers and sisters or God? Honesty is sadly lacking in our churches, I pray for a return to truth.
So sorry for your loss Skip.
We all are in desperate need of God’s guidance.
Pray for us as we pray for you!
I cry in deep need and Thy help I implore;
Make haste to the rescue, I pray;
My Saviour Thou art, and my strength evermore,
No longer Thy coming delay.
~ based on Psalm 70
Hi Skip,
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother
I lost my mother when I was about 50 and thought my life would never be the same
We were very close emotionally, but I don’t think I cried when she died or prayed much for her
My daughter was born a year later and I experienced a sort of rebirth, emotionally speaking
Now when I think I might die before my dog Max, I cry and pray that I won’t leave him alone
I’m usually accused by friends and family that I “think too much”
In any case, if it is any consolation, a very wise man once told me it was okay to “think too much”
Dear Skip……
The Kingdom is Now and Not Yet…….We long for the time we can say Adonai Echad……We are never prepared to loose our parents…….even if they are 95……I too have grown children in need of G-d’s guidance……they have walked away only to face life on their own……I for one have received your teachings for a few years and I always look forward to them…….We are all reasoning together……Thank You for showing up on my journey so we as a Mishpahah can walk our Journey with Yeshua together…..You don’t have to be an expert or perfect……just faithful…….I too struggle with my prayer life because of all the distractions…….should I live to be 95 Blessed be He……I trust that I will have had more time to sit at His feet…….everything in its season……Bless you and your family and keep running the race…….We need You……all my condolences to your family
~Shalom Yvonne
I think you have not wept for you have been preparing for last Thursday night for close to 25 years. You have already grieved in a lot of little ways that perhaps you were unaware of and would not let yourself recognize. Tears will come again when it is time–in a most unexpected instance, perhaps you will suddenly see her handwriting someplace, or hear her name called, –but the name belongs to another, then you will weep for the younger mother you keep in a secret place of your memory, that you did not kiss her cheek as often as she offered it. But it will be okay and you will yet see her and kiss her.
How we would laugh at a workman who should grieve that his hard and arduous task is finished, and the painful day of labor is over. Or a traveler if he lament to see the end of his journey, after having traveled thru many briars and brambles, scorched by the heat of the sun and pinched by the cold of severe winters. Or would we not think one strange who having been tossed by the wind and waves of a tempestuous sea, would weep at his safe arrival at port, in shelter of the harbor and safe at last from shipwreck? We are wretched humans who languish in toils and troubles of this life.
We read in Rev. 5 that John wept bitterly because no being on heaven or earth, nor under the earth, was able to open the book sealed with 7 seals that was in God’s right hand. One of the 24 elders spoke to him: “Weep not, behold the Lion of the tribe of Judah has prevailed to open the book and to loose the 7 seals.”
Thus we, all mankind, has wept bitterly until now, because we could find nobody in the armies of Israel to encounter and defeat the powerful monster, Death.
Let us wipe our tears and take courage for this same Lion of the tribe of Judah was appointed to fight and has won, He is our triumphing David who has torn the infernal roaring lion, bruised the ancient serpent’s head, spoiled principalities and powers, triumphing over them on His cross. For that purpose He left heaven in the company of angels, has not borrowed assistance from the world, (Heb 2) Has armed Himself with righteousness as with a breast plate, clothed Himself with vengeance as a cloak, trodden the winepress and nobody has assisted Him (Isa. 59: 63). Like strong Samson, He has destroyed all His enemies by his death. (1 Sam. 17)
The precious Holy Spirit will help you in your prayer life. Simply dwell, –stay your mind,– on HIM who is worthy of all our praise, our Father in heaven, hallowed be His Name. Go no further. He already knows what you need.
He comforts on the inside where the pain is. He speaks when you are quiet and still and empty. Let the hours or the days pass and stay upon Him.
He has removed the thorns from the roses, placed them all in Jesus’ crown, and lays in your arms a bouquet of red-as-blood sweetness from which fragrance lifts.
Our children! Our children! whom we all love with love that never sleeps nor rests, may God grant to them the wisdom to choose devotion to God and God alone, seek holiness, set their eyes upon the way of righteousness and seek those paths to life everlasting, let faith our hearts control, and faith conquer every foe, peace of God fill our souls, and heaven begin now, here below.
I’m sad to learn of your mother’s passing. I enjoyed visiting with her when she would allow it. She was a delightful spunky woman of God.
Skip, I also struggle with prayer. Perhaps we strive too much in the activity instead of resting quietly in His presence as in Psalm 131:2. So now I’m learning to be more gentle and kind to myself as I view my inadequacies through the lens of grace. This helps me to extend the same measure of patience to others.
May shalom peace be upon you as you grieve the loss of her place on earth, even as you know she sleeps and awaits the final resurrection when we will see Our Master face to face. Love and prayers for you and your family.
Yeshua Kadosh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJX43l9-Qx0&feature=related
Praying for you today that God will allow you to be still and know He is God and for strength for the burden you carry. God Bless you sir.
Ken Smith
Hi Skip, I do sense your ‘grief’ in what you’ve written in this article. I have the same issues with my family.
I love the humility expressed here too. We are on a journey of learning and unlearning, until Yahushua returns.
Appreciate you sharing such thoughts, feelings with us. Shalom and blessings.
Hi Skip I so appreciate your honesty and humility of heart. Life has a way of shifting us all but our great God is with us in and through it all. Praise His Holy name
Skip,
May the weight of the King’s presence be the heaviest weight that you carry during this time, and may His weight carry you and your family during this season of transition and transformation.
Thanks for sharing with all of us your journey. Praying for you and yours.
Dear Skip
If I may, I don’t know where you are concerning being immersed in praise and worship or soaking if you will. But I have been coming through a season in my life where it has been all I can do. It really is my hearts cry to the Father and therefore it is prayer. Groaning s so deep that they can not be put into words except by the Spirit of God. Thank you Holy Spirit…
Your posts everyday have been part of that life saving thing I have needed as well, because for me in this season I have not been able to study for myself. Some of your postings have brought me such understanding and the fruit of that is peace. There have been some that I have just wept over again and again because of the beauty of the Father I see in them.
To me that is prayer as well. I think what you need is to let go of your concept of what prayer is, just let the Spirit of God lead you as you just sit before Him.
You are being effectual in all that you do. More than you may ever know, you are being used of God the Father. Thank you for your humble honesty it is so refreshing to see.
Cast your cares upon Him because He cares more than you can know for you….will continue to pray for you and your family.
Blessings abundant blessings