Implosion
For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 2 Timothy 3:2 NASB
Lovers of self – How do you make an atomic bomb? One of the important steps is to build a core that implodes in order to create enough energy to set off the chain reaction. Simply exploding a device does not provide the critical pressures and temperatures. The bomb must begin by turning in on itself.
Paul uses the same idea of inward focus to describe the first behavioral sign of the last days. The Greek is philautos. You can see two words in this combination. The first is philos, and second autos. Paul’s word takes the idea of a friend or neighbor and turns it into a reflexive noun. In other words, what should have been love for your neighbor, the fulfillment of the mitzvot, has turned inwardly. It is now love perverted into taking care of yourself at the expense of your neighbor.
Did you think Paul was talking about arrogance or conceit? Did you think his word describes only those who are pathologically narcissistic? Think again. How many people live their lives as if the neighbor didn’t matter? How many are wrapped up in the “me first” attitude that denies responsibility for others? How much of our materialistic, sensational, celebrity-worship culture is inwardly focused, justifying our lack of compassion for those who suffer by training us to look at the rich and famous as our heroes? How much of your life is spent on yourself, making sure you have the pleasures you desire, the toys you “need,” the comforts that insulate you from the agony of the masses? If Paul were to examine your life, would he conclude that you too are philautos? Certainly one of the predominant features of philautos is blind self-absorption. Lovers of self believe they are wonderful, noble and important. But that’s because this is all they see in the mirror they put before them. The true reflection of love is the image seen by others.
Twelve Step programs ask participants to conduct a fearless moral inventory. Perhaps the most important word in that phrase is “fearless,” because most of us have a selfish propensity to excuse those hints at self-love rather than see them as direct assaults on the second great commandment. But if we are fearless in our assessments, we will make up the list of things that we did to take care of ourselves at the cost of someone else, and then we will take that list to the external examination committee of those we harmed and ask them to point out the rest of our shut-eyed faults. We are not so holy after all. We are contributors to the last days. Righteousness is a scalpel that cuts to the soul.
Topical Index: lovers of self, philautos, 2 Timothy 3:2
The Final Frontier
“We have met the enemy, and he is us.” (Pogo)
Self vs. the Savior
https://www.scribd.com/doc/6591377/31-Kings-Victory-Over-Self-AB-Simpson
http://www.amazon.com/Thirty-One-Kings-A-B-Simpson-ebook/dp/B005CC35G2
EGO – Edge God Out
~ Not my will, but Your will be done ~ (Mark 14.36)
This subject touches home for me. I was raised on the maxim “Jesus, Others, and You spells JOY”. It took me decades to look at the Second Great Command and realize that loving others AS I love myself means that I have to be loving myself first before I have any conception or true ability, or CAPACITY to love others. When my heart was broken by a failure of those around me to love me properly, I felt abandoned. A child learns to treat themselves (and others!) as they have been treated. So, in perfect accordance with the ‘righteousness’ I thought I had been taught correctly, I abandoned myself, too. Instant torment! Should have been a clue!
The enemy is so insidious. He has a counterfeit for EVERYTHING! Even love! So what about this self-love business? Do we do it or not? This is not so simple. Define self love. Does God hate Himself? How could He love His Bride if He does not love, nourish and cherish Himself, like He expects out of the men He created in His image? What is the way God treats Himself? How does true self love behave?
I understand things like this best from negatives, as that is where I have to start out. So here goes. I was handed this list when I was very sick and told that these wrong mindsets and spiritual realities were going to have to go if I wanted to be able to obey that Second Command. I found that I was just covered over with Unloving stuff posing as Righteousness, and wrong attitudes about myself were top of the list. No wonder I was having trouble relating to others, and others were having a hard time relating to me!
THE DEVIL’S SELF LOVE COUNTERFEITS:
(Proverbs 18:2 “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but only that his heart may discover itself.”)
Self-bitterness, Self-unforgiveness, Self-resentment, Self-retaliation, Self-anger and wrath, Self-hatred, Self-violence, Self-murder, Self -sabotage, Self-mutilation, Self-annihilation, Self-torment, Self-consciousness, Self-deception, Self-doubt, Self-unbelief, Self-questioning, Self-abasement, Self-comparison (making up standards for yourself and then whipping yourself or shaming yourself into measuring up to them), Self-rejection (a big one), Self-condemnation (so as to keep God and others from doing it first), Insecurity, Pride (and its corollary, the thing it always hides: shame), Isolation, Loneliness, Lack of confidence, ‘Religious’ attitudes (holier-than-thou comparisons), False Piety (and its corollary, False Humility – “I am nothing”), Victimization, Bullying others (driven by a lack of love and by a feeling of rejection – “I am going to get them before they can get me”), Double-mindedness, Envy and Jealousy, Fear, Rebellion, and last but not least, a Broken Heart that I did not trust God enough to take to my Father to get healed.
But there is more on that list! Selfishness, Self-exaltation, Self-pride, Self-idolatry, “I”, and “I will” (having the spirit of Lucifer), Rebellion, and last but certainly not least: SELF PITY! Self pity is like a wet diaper: it can keep you from changing better than anything else! Self pity has no faith in it, therefore is a sin.
Surprisingly, it does not truly want to be cared about, just coddled!
You know, we get inadvertently handed so many of the above things in the name of righteousness, as a way of ‘managing’ our unrighteousness! I was very hard on myself! These were the things I used as substitutes for truly caring for myself. How was I supposed to love others when I was rejecting myself? No wonder they did not believe me! I had to go ask myself if my heavenly Father would do any of the above to me. I found that, to the extent I believed in the bottom of my heart that He did, I was afraid of Him and angry at Him, and the same at myself. I did not trust Him or myself! I wonder why! Sin causes torment. If I am experiencing torment in my life, that should be a huge clue that I am sinning. Torment does not come from God.
There is something funny about the above list: Self is always FIRST! It is all coming from a place of LACK. A hole to be filled. All of the above is designed to keep us from being able to give and receive love freely. I cannot receive the acceptance of others if I am rejecting myself. Likewise, I cannot truly accept others if I am rejecting myself. This is a Kingdom principle. This is what I believe that Second Command is really teaching us.
So how do I love myself? First, I have to trade all the substitutes; all the stuff above that puts me first. The thing all that Unloving stuff posing as Loving has in common is that it keeps us from the Love of God. Self pity is the worst. It is what I use to self-comfort (there’s that Self Stuff again!), instead of trusting Him to comfort me. If I go down that whole list, I can see the same thing. None of the above has a speck of faith in it. That is how you know it is sin. No Room For Improvement!
It is better to ask How God loves Himself, and then me. I see that He seems very secure. He NEVER has to put Himself first! He has an abundance of good stuff, like sovereignty, and He likes to share His good stuff with us. He wants me as well off as He is, and wants me to be where He is. He LOVES His Son and the Son turns right around and directs that Love of God at us. When I am free to accept the Love of God in myself, I see that Love comes from a place beyond Self. NOTHING originates with me! Whew! What a relief! Halleluah!
Hey Laurita
Although I don’t blog too often( translation/time issues) , I always enjoy your comments and read through all of them.
Although I realize that many people struggle with rejection or/and all the other issues you mentioned, I cannot agree with you on the: love-myself-first thought. I do not find any of the questions or general idea concerning: 1. does God hate Himself? 2. how does God love Himself? of 3.How do I love myself ? in Scripture. – I might be missing something?
Do you think that the beheading or torture of most of the apostles also suites : “what is good for Him is good for me” – idea? I agree that whatever God defines as good for me, including hardship, failure, war, dying in the wilderness etc, is good for me, because He says so. For me the Biblical quest the be human is to be demanded and challenged.( Heschel) My problem is my task. And God promised that He will never challenge me above my capabilities.
May be we are asking the wrong questions? Shouldn’t the question rather be: “what does God demand or expect of me and what do I owe Him? self -love ( respect – my body is a Temple implies set -apartness) ?
May be the opposite of hate is not love, but obedience. If I I show YHVH obedience, I show that I love him in what I do – never mind what or how I feel about myself.
As Lazzato said: if I don’t know how to love God, love my neighbor.” May be this is also the answer to the feeling of rejection? By doing unto others, I feel worthy?
Something interesting, on the other hand, is that Moshe Kempinski asked the question: ” why do Christians feel and think they are so worthless?” And as my friend, Annamarie suggested, the answer for many is because the non-biblical doctrine of sinful nature: I was born a mistake!
Hello Laurita, I to lov
Sorry starting over
Hello Laurita, I to love your posts and I also must take exception to the Love yourself first ideology. I am dialoging with a long time acquaintance about just this subject. He can’t see that he should ask for forgiveness because he is hurt by the backlash of something he set in motion but can’t see that either.
I a pitiful attempt to help him understand Matt. 5:22-24 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be in danger of being judged; and he who says to his brother, Raca, will be in danger from the Sanhedrin; and whoever says, You foolish one, will be in danger of the hell of fire.
If then you are making an offering at the altar and there it comes to your mind that your brother has something against you,
While your offering is still before the altar, first go and make peace with your brother, then come and make your offering.
This is what I told him; You can’t forgive yourself you must receive forgiveness from others. I can’t forgive myself. I can only receive the forgiveness of others and start fresh trying not to repeat my past behavior that caused the offense to begin with.
In order to do that I must first admit that I caused offence and deserve to be cut off and then ask for forgiveness. Then, being forgiven does it’s job of softening our hearts toward that person who is willing to carry the consequence of that offence graciously for me so that the relationship can be restored. The humility of the offender restores the honor that was lost to the offended. That is Christ!
Modern psychology has ruined us. I just spoke with another brother the same day who told me he needed to forgive himself. It’s a lie. We need to ask for and receive forgiveness from those we have offended and forgive those who have offended us in like manner for the purpose of restoring our relationships. Who among us does not fall into both catagoies. That is what puts us in the right mindset toward each other. Esteeming others as better than ourselves.
Laurita – it is not my intention to hurt you, but I must disagree with your idea of self-love. To love your neighbor as yourself is always preceded by a list of things that we would NOT want done to us and then the admonition to love others as we love ourselves. The commandment was paraphrased by the Lord in what we call the golden rule. There is great danger in interpreting this as a commandment to love ourselves.
Love is a verb of giving as opposed to being a recipient of the gift. By implication, it is an outward action towards others, not ourselves. If love is being “other-centered” in our actions, then self-love can only be an oxymoron. When we make it into some aspect of mental assent, we have turned the concept in toward ourselves — the idea of self-love — rather than doing for someone other than ourselves. I can’t think of a single scripture where God is doing an action (giving) because He loves Himself. He sets Himself as the standard for good, but I don’t think that can be called self-love. All that He does seems to flow outward from Him, not towards Him. Even His jealousy over us is tied with the benefits of hen and hesed toward us.
We are confused today about what it means to take care of ourselves. We were given stewardship over our bodies, hearts and minds. This is shared with your spouse, if you are married; taken on by parents when they are caretakers for a child; and by society for those unable to exercise stewardship of themselves. Stewardship includes the responsibility of guarding against those people and actions that bring death and destruction. For ourselves, it includes the need to practice a ruthlessly honest inspection of our souls; an honest appraisal of what is inside us – our thoughts and our intents, including those things that are self-destructive, as well as destructive towards others. It is the intent to look honestly at ourselves and cut out those things which do not line up with Torah. Usually the characteristics that need to be cut out are the same as those we decry in the world, but too often, we are willing to ignore them in ourselves when we precede them with “self”.
Taking a deep look at ourselves is not self-love, it is honesty. In fact, to take an honest appraisal requires that we NOT love ourselves, for by that nature we are prone to deception as we “give” ourselves the “benefit of the doubt”. I’ve often wondered if the final judgement day, before the throne, won’t be the sudden unavoidable and painful awareness of our “selves” in self-appraisal, rather than a public announcement of our faults. Perhaps the admonition to judge ourselves is an opportunity to get things “cleaned out” in a private session with the Lord, before the last call in front of everyone. The clean-out requires HIS love, but our honesty.
The worldly idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love others is designed to mislead us. That idea stems from the same lie that we can give children self-esteem by rewarding them with trophies, grades or praise they haven’t earned. Those children do not grow up with the ability to do healthy self-appraisal, they grow up to be self-loving adults who esteem themselves more highly than they ought. True self-esteem comes when we put ourselves out to earn the prize. The doing comes first, as YHVH demonstrated. He loved us, first.
SO what do we do for those who were victimized by abuse from the world? Whether child or adult, we must first teach them how to honestly assess themselves, which includes countering the lies of doubt, mutilation, deception, etc., with the truth. The issue is honesty, not developing love of self.
Then we teach them how to give to others, because it is out of giving that we learn to love.
Thank you, Suzanne, for your thoughtful reply. It was really great! This is a much needed discussion. Thank you to all you ladies, and man Carl, too. Before I reply and start agreeing with you, though, I needed to ask you if you could go read the above list that I wrote and repeat anything on that list that you would call love. Anything. At all. And why. Then I will know how much I am agreeing with you on.
Thanks for the time and effort and much thought!
I agree, none of those things are love. But self-love falls in the same dimension as the other “self-focused” attributes, and none of them are love. That’s the point. The remedy though, is not love of self. The remedy is honesty with self. 🙂
If none of the above are love, then is ANYTHING that puts Self first love? Define love. If love is what God does, then would it not be better to look at what HE does, including what He does to us, as our standard definition? If the world wants to use that good word, love, then why are we just giving it to them? Why not define what love actually is, and put that up against what the world thinks it is, and then we will have it. First, let us re-define terms, then, let us begin anew. Shall we? Should you go first? If the best way for us to know love is what we have experienced from Him then should we not turn to that experience first, and describe it, as our starting point to knowing what love actually is? So, do you want to go first with your list of What He Does To Us? I am working on mine!
To go back to the verse that you quoted: Pr 18:2: “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” This NIV translation puts a different perspective on it that is actually quite relevant.
To avoid our own opinions, we need to be anchored in the word of God. There are no verses that say that we should love ourselves and plenty that make it clear that we should not. Jesus said that we should take up our cross and follow Him. Loving others as ourselves means that we do not put ourselves first. It is interesting to note that it is only in recent times that the principle of self-love has become acceptable. In every earlier age this was a character defect (philautos, amour propre). It is possibly the ‘original sin’ of modern psychology.
As a side-note, I see that Laurita mentioned shame as underlying pride. This does not appear to me to be a Biblical concept but rather a staple of modern psychology. In scripture shame is a good thing. We should be ashamed of our sin and we should repent and receive forgiveness. If you are trying to deal with shame in any other way, then you are actually committing sin based on self-love.
This does not mean that we should not be aware of God’s love for us, but we should always see it in the context of God’s loving-kindness, with a response to Him and an outreach to others, not a focus on us. 1 John 4 is quite helpful in this. If we spend time trying to reassure ourselves of our worth, then this is worse than useless, and is probably sinful in itself.
It is interesting to note that the presentation of the Gospel in Acts never focussed on God’s love for us requiring a response, but rather on the death and resurrection of Christ and that we must repent and believe in him and listen to him (which means obeying all that he told us to do: Jn 14:15,23). This focus is typically missing today. I encourage you to examine this for yourselves as good ‘Bereans’.
Andrew, that is very thoughtful, and I largely still agree. The world does not know what love is so what it calls love is definitely not really the case. Without the availability to the Source of all love, it is left with guessing.
Putting self first (world’s definition of love) is NOT love; that is what I just said in above very long (sorry) post. However. there ARE verses that expect and specify that we must love ourselves. Go read again. Start with the Second Great Command. It assumes it. Again, love is simply connection with all around me, including myself and God. As I am fully half of that connection, I cannot have it without including myself. Love is function; sin is disfunction. I am part of the equation of that function. The world assumes that love starts with self. Please do not fall for the dialectic that the world puts forth, here; you will only end up confused. Correction: self is included in the equation of relationship, it just is not the ORIGIN of it.
Skip has been writing about toxic shame. I am beginning to think shame is a marker for justice that has not been satisfied (paid for by the sinner). Unconfessed and non-restituted sin leaves shame for both the abuser as well as the victim, but it is a communal shame in that the whole community (so says Skip) is guilty of that sin until it brings the sinner to justice. Shame of the victim is shame of the entire community and should alert us to a problem. Part of the enormously damaging fallout of easy, greasy grace is that victims are expected to bear all the shame of the crime, and make all the restitution, too. Nasty! All victims must do is forgive and thus stay vulnerable to relationship with all (and they stay in shame until they do, I believe), but greasy grace has messed up our understanding of what forgiveness is, too. Forgiveness does NOT leave behind justice OR restitution. We really do need to talk about forgiveness!
I agree that we have no worth (“good”) in and of ourselves. Love comes from beyond us when we hold ourselves as a conduit for it to all that is beyond us. “Good”, I believe, refers to whether or not that love is successful. so therefore is merely a description of whether or not connection is completed. I am just a synapse bridge standing in the gap between God and the rest of His creation (which includes myself). That, to me, is the “stewardship” we are created for. Definitely not what the world thinks is love!
Thanks for sharing! Great subject. We need to reclaim the language and the definitions of the words back from the world. I believe we need to practically start over, it has all been so corrupted.
I feel like Laurita has been misunderstood. I won’t speak for her or attempt to articulate her point differently, but I feel like I undertamd where she is coming from.
My thoughts are: I am made in the image of God. He loves me. He pursued me. He protected me. He showed that he valued me, body and soul, when I did not value myself. He did most of this before I chose to acknoedgong him, thank him, or love him in return. Loving myself, to me, means to recognize that I bear his image. It is an unfathomable, undeserved gift. It is an awesome, weighty responsibility. Loving myself means that I accept and rest in his love for me. I don’t “argue” with him about whether I deserve his love. It’s not about deserving it. I rest in it, and resting in and trusting in and accepting God’s love for me frees my heart to love him in return, and to love my neighbor, and to recognize that he or she also bears the image of God. He or she also is deeply loved and cherished by God. And it’s never my right, nor my responsibility, to question God’s love. Not for me. Not for my neighbor. I am commanded to love God with all of me, which I can only do if I’m resting in his love, and to love my neighbor as myself. If I am striving to obey these two commandments, my love for myself will almost surely never become unbalanced. Intrinsic to these commandments is an understanding of the proper place for loving myself.
Good grief I should have proofread. Sorry for the typos.
Hi Alicia, I think I understand your point. I agree with the weighty responsibility that comes with being made in His image, and I agree that we need to understand that God loves and values us. However, to describe this as a necessary self-love is potentially misleading, which is why it is best to steer clear of referring to self-love with anything other than disapproval. Some people use this an excuse to put themselves first and to feel no shame about it. As a result they are inoculated from the Gospel.
Incidentally, we should remember that while God’s love is a strand running through everything, it is not the only focus in scripture and that we need to remember God’s wrath and requirement for truth, holiness and righteousness. The (holy) fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Laurita, Thank you for your blog comments! Did you receive my email? CS
Yes, Laurita, – It is “self!,” – the big “I!” LIsten to Lucifer’s diatribe: ~ But you said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of assembly In the recesses of the north. ‘I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’… (from Isaiah chapter 14) Might we say this one has serious “I” trouble? I’m gonna do this.. I’m gonna be that! I, I, I !!!
Exaltation of good ol’ number 1! What’s so wrong with that? Absolutely everything! ~ There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to Him.. ~ Does anyone remember what is Number 1 on this “hate” list? “Haughty eyes – a proud look,” – in a word: pride! Yes, the “undoing” of not only Lucifer, – but many a man since..
Contention in the household? in the workplace? One problem to be addressed (and only one!) ~ *Only* by pride comes contention! ~ (Proverbs 13.10) The antithesis and archenemy of pride? The very model of humility- our LORD Jesus (who is the) Christ! The (very) One who humbled Himself- continually! Humble in birth, in life and in death! Amazing Love! One exalted himself, – and the Other? ~ He made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men ~ But that is far from the end of this Man! – “And being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself, (further still!) and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”
If I’m on a plane that’s going down, I need to put that oxygen mask on myself first; then I can help my child(ren) or anyone else. Laurita, I’m very glad you didn’t crash!
It’s not self-love to make an honest appraisal of what is required to sustain life for the purpose of helping others once your life is stabilized. On the other hand, if you put the mask on and then just breathe for yourself, you aren’t loving anyone, but yourself — that’s the risk I see with the sliding acceptance of self-love as part of scriptural character. If only one mask was pumping out oxygen, would you keep it to yourself or share it with another? Which act is benevolence at cost to self? How can you give at cost to self if the only recipient of the benevolence is yourself? I’m not saying we don’t need to cast out all the “selfisms” listed by Laurita — just that we must not confuse those actions with love. It’s just not the same thing. Calling it love will inevitably lead to synchretism with the world’s definition of love.