The Power of the Paradigm: The Law of Unintended Consequences
When I wrote recently about paradigm views, I didn’t intend anything other than a real life example of two real people who hold very different views and still work together and care for each other. In hindsight, I should never have used my dear friend John Samuel as an example. You see, one of the things I did not account for was the law of unintended consequences.
My motivation was to help all of you who experience paradigm differences with ones you love to realize that it is common. I wanted you to know that you aren’t crazy or heretics simply because you see things differently. I should have talk to John about this before I published the article. So I really didn’t give him a chance to tell his side of the story. I was simply thinking about my perspective instead of his. And if I have learned anything about paradigms it is this: you have to be able to step into the other person’s shoes before you can hope to bridge the gap.
John is perhaps the most gracious man I know. He is certainly miles ahead of me. And he is completely dedicated to serving the Lord, viewing his life as a series of divinely engineered events. His work on talent and passion is without equal.
Instead of contrasting the differences between us on theological issues, I should have let him articulate his views and not assumed I knew them. That was a serious paradigm mistake. I was wrong, and I wronged him in the process. Not what I intended, but there’s that law again.
Paradigms are often strongly held, so strongly that they affect all of us, not simply the cognitive side of the equation. The law of unintended consequences entails disregard (unintentionally) for another more important law; love your neighbor as yourself.
John is a dedicated and true servant of YHVH. Ideas are not more important than relationships. Paradigms are ideas. Relationships are people. Proverbs is right. Consider carefully before you speak. Consider even more carefully before you write.
Thanks Skip. Words of wisdom…
This message never grows old. As Greeks, we need to hear it again and again. Thanks Skip.
All My Children
Death and sin have lost, and Life and Love have won! (and Love will always win!) A new and powerful paradigm has conquered. And it is the fact [just the facts m’am!] God loves THAT person [my neighbor] every bit as much as He does me!
Our Father, our Elohim, is a God of immense diversity. We are Joseph’s coat of many colors, not fifty shades of gray- or even one! Within the body of Christ, [the body of Christ r us] there is awesome, wonderful, eternal diversity.
He has made us different, that He might make us One. If we all pulled in one direction, the world would topple over! Listen again, [for the first time] to His words: “other sheep have I which are not of this fold!” – What meaneth this?
The word is “diversity!” Colors, sounds, flavors- friends and family- what a wonderful world is my Father’s world, – and His love, His eternal, forever love, extends to who? It is without hypocrisy, it’s motives are pure, it’s treasures are eternal, it’s results are peace. First, peace with God, then peace with each other.
Think different. You already do! And? You [most certainly] are “unique,” -just like everyone else! Love, God’s love, the Love from Above, is not “zero sum!”
God loves every man, every woman, every “sinner” on this green planet.. (self included!). But greater than this “love for us all,” is His love towards “each” of us!
Dare we ask it? – Who did the Messiah [the Christ, the Anointed] die for?
~ But God proves [demonstrates] His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, the Messiah died for us! ~ (Romans 5.8)
~ Who was delivered for our offenses, [our trespasses,our sins] and was raised again for our justification? (Romans 4.25)
~But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed ~ (Isaiah 53.5)
Our paradigm is the Prince of Peace [Himself], the One whose words are forever true and faithful: – “Come!” – Come unto Me, ALL you who labor and are heavy laden.. [and?] – “I will give you rest!” -Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me.. for I AM meek and lowly in heart.. – [and?] – you shall find rest
[anapausis, encouragement, refreshment] for your souls.
“For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIv3meovqGM
Thank you for the song, Carl!
I really appreciate these thoughts about differences between Godly people. I also have friends that are very dear to me, and yet in many ways we see things differently. I prefer to focus on our similar perspectives over our differences, without ignoring the difference perspectives. God will work out the rest, all we need to do is follow him.
Negative feedback as led many speakers/writers into only using platitudes and broad generalities. It’s difficult to bring personal experience to the table, and at the same time keep from violating the cautions against lashon hara. And yet the good news should not be robbed of it’s specifics.
When you push the limits of sharing your life, yet respecting others who are a part of it – mistakes will be made. I found the paradigm article very helpful.
Me, too, Gabe.
Wow.
If all ‘leaders’, in churches and without had this much integrity and honor as to admit ANY mistake, let alone a personal affront to a person they considered a friend, or even just a fellow human, things would be very different.
This took guts. Integrity, like faith, is what you are doing, not what you are saying.
Amen. You are an excellent teacher and example for us, Skip, and John is as blessed as you are to have such a friend. John knows you, Skip. He knows that the hard consequences of not asking permission to share how you “read” your relationship in terms of paradigm differences was not intentional. You love him and he knows it. Cherish him all the more, learn from this (as I certainly will try to) and move on in the beauty of transparency in your friendship with him.
Thumbs UP, bpW, we have a great example of a leader and a teacher here!
What a wonderful example for ALL of us….as we have all done the exact same thing with less integrity – sad to say! Most of the time…we try to justify and put that horrible word ‘but’ after our apology :-)…thanks for the reminder Skip on how to eloquently and humbly apologize.
You are truly blessed with such a friend.
Having to have the great blessing and honor to also personally know and be blessed by John Samuel I can personally attest to his love for God, his love for people and his love to give of himself. I have personally been blessed by John and I pray that one day I will be able to meet him face to face and again thank him for the love and compassion he showed to me in a great time of need. He is inspirational and lives his live to serve God by serving others. Skip, it;s no wonder why you love and admire him as you do.
I pray for you both continually.
Many Blessings
Tim
Skip and John,
I am so thankful to know about this experience in paradigm differences that your deep friendship has to address and does. I’m finding the paradigm shift that God has taken me to (in large part because of your love for YHVH, Skip) to be sooooo freeing! The “light-bulb coming on” is something HUGE to celebrate in my life… but in my zeal, I KNOW I’ve offended others. You’ve pricked my heart to start praying specifically about those whom I love but whom I’ve hurt. Thank you.
I will share, too, that sometimes sharing about “these new eyes I see with” is the exact “medicine” a person might need and our sharing might be done at the exact perfect time! A longtime friend and I were recently re-united. In the years of our absence from each other’s lives, we’ve both been “through the mill” and both have the “battle scars” of ill health to prove it. She’s been abandoned by “the church” when she needed these “godly people” the most… what a surprise (not.) When I told her about where God has been leading me (definitely down the path less traveled!!!), her eyes lit up with interest and what I think might be curiosity.
Please pray for me that my mouth (and my actions) speak God’s message to her. Otherwise, I’m sure to add to her present grief.
Daria, you go, girl! It is just those scary frontiers that YHVH can work the best. Rely on Him, and just nourish that friendship. In so many of my friendships, the words are so far apart between us, I cannot use them at all, but, in that friendship, witness can shine. Trust in Him and do not lean on your own understanding, and I bet you will be just fine! I am going to pray for both of you! And your health, that it break forth speedily as you let Love have its perfect work. May you be for her what you needed most from others, is my prayer, and may both of you rise up in that, and take up your beds and walk.
Love, Laurita
I just took it as your friend had a difference of opinion when it comes to things but still loves God the best he knows how just like you love God the best you know how. I figure if people are truly seeking His face and we come up with different answers, most of the time our differences come from just our reverence of Him and our inner desire to please Him. No matter who it is (including myself), if they are seeking Him – we can all rest assured that when we meet Him we’ll say, “Sorry for making such a muck.”.
“Paradigms are ideas. Relationships are people. Proverbs is right. Consider carefully before you speak. Consider even more carefully before you write.” I can’t agree more!
This applies to both sides of the paradigms of folks who hang on to their arguments, to those who seek to set others free, and those who are unwilling to accept changes in mindsets. Long time precious friendships have been lost in such processes when we push too hard.
“And if I have learned anything about paradigms it is this: you have to be able to step into the other person’s shoes before you can hope to bridge the gap.” Amein!