(Not So) Pleasant Fictions

that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, Ephesians 4:22 NASB

Lusts of deceit – The odd translation of the NASB is revised by the ESV to read “deceitful desires.” The NASB simply tries to more literally represent the Greek text, but certainly what Paul has in mind is the fiction that desires represent when they attempt to convince us of their necessity. The words, epithymias apates, point us toward those strong urges to act inflamed by the accompanying thought that our actions are justifiable. For example, if we are insulted, we have a strong urge (epithymia) to retaliate and we feel justified in doing so. But Paul wants us to reflect on this self-justification and realize that it is entirely fictitious. We are deceived by the virtually automatic emotional response when the truth is that the insult offers an opportunity to exhibit righteousness rather than reprisal.

Ah, it’s such a great theoretical lesson! But then we encounter the real world where we are taught to not be a doormat, to not let others abuse our sense of worth, to stand up for ourselves, to fight back. In fact, we are even criticized if we do not respond in kind. We are considered weak if we don’t reciprocate. Fighting back is the natural response to threat and the yetzer ha’ra has plenty of ammunition stored for such occasions. “Fight fire with fire” is life’s expected behavior. It’s very difficult to act any other way when we find ourselves in the heat of the moment. And, of course, that’s why the yetzer ha’ra is so powerful. We have trained ourselves in the world’s ways for a very long time. Anything else not only feels uncomfortable; it also seems as if we really aren’t taking care of ourselves.

So what do we do about this theoretical advice? Like all other changes in well-established behaviors, we have to practice acting in a different way. It probably won’t happen in the big events. It will have to start in the little things; those things where we have enough presence of mind to realize the circumstances are opportunities rather than threats. It will probably start when we can collect ourselves and have the time to reflect before we act. And it will probably mean there will be a lot of failures on the way to success.

A couple I know very well were engaged in a difficult family crisis. Each spouse saw the situation differently. In fact, they perceived the other’s point-of-view as a threat, not only individually but to the marriage itself. These were serious issues. In response, one spouse simply didn’t reveal everything. But thinking that keeping the truth hidden would reduce the tension was a big mistake. It was a mistake driven by very old childhood emotions, but it was nevertheless a mistake. It was the mistake of listening to the “lusts of deceit.” Not self-indulgent pleasure choices. Just self-protection yetzer choices. But it was still deceit because it was about making things calm and retaining control rather than confronting the real dysfunctional dynamics. Of course, eventually the situation got much worse, compounded by withholding truth.

Perhaps when we read Paul’s advice we need to think beyond our typical visions of epithymias apates (deceitful lusts). We need to realize that lusts include the overwhelming need for control, the desire to protect our self-image, the belief that love depends on meeting someone else’s standard. Perhaps we need to read “lusts” as all those actions of the yetzer ha’ra that protect its existence. Perhaps the defeat of the lusts of desire begins with the willingness to vulnerably admit our failures.

Topical Index: epithymias apates, lust, desire, deceit, Ephesians 4:22