The Empty Place
Not that I have already grasped it all or have already become perfect, but I press on if I may also take hold of that for which I was even taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers and sisters, I do not regard myself as having taken hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, Philippians 3:12-13 NASB
I press on – Frederick Buechner wrote something profound about the journey of faith.
“Part of the inner world of everyone is this sense of emptiness, unease, incompleteness, and I believe that this in itself is a word from God, this is the sound that God’s voice makes in a world that has explained him away.”[1]
Perhaps you’ve felt this inner disturbance, the uneasy agitation that keeps you wondering if you’re truly okay. It’s tempting to push this off, to increase focus on whatever is at hand, and ignore that silent alarm in the dark parts of your world. But if Buechner is right, God is speaking in those dark recesses of consciousness. It takes undistracted concentration to hear Him.
Buechner adds:
“ . . . because we know that we are less than our names: we are our names minus whatever belongs in the empty place. And the question a man is apt to ask in the darkest moments of his life is what salvation can there be, from anywhere, for the man who is less than his name.”[2]
“Not good enough.” Oh, yes, how often have we felt that? How often have we been defeated by our own internal demands? All those accomplishments, and we all have many, fade away when the “not good enough” yardstick comes out of the closet. Perhaps that’s when we need Paul’s words to the assembly in Philippi.
“I press on” he writes. If we expected anyone to have a full sense of wholeness, it would be Paul. After high recognition of his academic standing and his eloquence, his unwavering commitment to the cause makes most of us feel like peons. But Paul’s self-evaluation seems to suggest that he also knew about empty spaces. “I haven’t grasped it all,” he writes. “I’m not perfect.” Not a good translation since “perfection” isn’t the goal. It should read, “I’m not finished, not complete” (from the verb teleióō, whole, full, mature). There’s something missing. I don’t know what it is but, I know it’s there in that empty space.
What to do? Well, “I press on.” The present, active verb diṓkō, “to pursue zealously, to hasten toward.” What does this really mean? Nose to the grindstone? More discipline? I don’t think so. I’m inclined to read this as a “dealing with it” attitude that doesn’t ignore the emptiness but isn’t debilitated by it. Sort of a “fact of life” deal. This is just the way it is to be human. I think we can even find this kind of approach in the life of the Messiah. Faith seems to be much more about perseverance than about correctness. I’m not sure there is a direct route to righteousness. Righteousness seems more like a goal rather than a pathway. As we traverse the bog, we may need to correct course many times, but we keep moving in the same direction. What gets left behind is the feeling that all those corrections prove we’re inadequate. It’s the process that matters. And I’m pretty sure that God will somehow nudge us toward the goal whenever we miss a step.
Topical Index: teleióō, complete, diṓkō, pursue, emptiness, goal, Philippians 3:12-13
[1] Frederick Buechner, Secrets in the Dark: A Life in Sermons (HarperOne, 2006), p. 19.
[2] Ibid., p. 31.
Emet… amen. “The one who calls you is faithful, who also will do this.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24) “Therefore, brethren, be zealous even more to make your calling and election secure, because if you do these things, you will never ever stumble.” (2 Peter 1:10)
Thanks Skip…this article resonates in so many ways with my experience of what it has been like to live the odyssey of trust in God. There is a peace, a kind of assurance that comes from reading someone describe your life, that I’m on the path, not because of my own effort or attainment at all, but becasue someone else put me on it, and I’m so often unaware of that fact. I know we have agency and choice, but any statement on my behalf that I somehow have lived into this reality of my own doing doesn’t feel right at all. As Heschel says, “I AM what is NOT mine” (emphasis mine), but I have so often lived in repudiation of this reality. I have a prodigal son who holds me in contempt and hasn’t spoken to me for two plus years. Should I be surprised when in so many ways I’ve modeled a rebellious son for him? I was the sign post for him pointing to the way of the repudiation of reality, should I be surprised? What justification do I now have to be angry at him? How I have needed this realization…this revelation…it’s set me free from the resentment I’ve struggled with towards my son…zakar.
I’m not sure what the reference in the article about being less than our names is pointing to? Is it that we are less than zakar, I have certainly lived that. But I also looked up my name and what it means. I’ve done that a few times over the years, but the definition was easy to dismiss as irrelevant. This article has driven home the meaning. My full name, “Kenton”, is a masculine name of English origin, meaning “royal settlement” or “king’s farmstead”. My father named me, and I can guarantee you when I was born he was not living out of a Biblical mindset in any way, shape or form. This name came from Someone else…and I can now feel the weight of it…it was there from the beginning…and I’ve done my best to escape it…to live it down…to disprove it…so many lost years pursuing the Biblical definition of a fool…living as if God does not exist, or as if what he says if He does is irrelevant to me.
Heschel also speaks of life’s greatest question being “is there a God” and if so “what is He like”, if I remember his statement correctly. But he says at some point we realize the question gets turned around on us and we realize all along that the real question was being asked of us by our Creator, and it is “who are you?!”. “See the man with the stage fright, just standing up there to give it all his might, and he got caught in the spotlight, and when we get to the end, he wants to start all over again…”
Thanks for this. I have a son like that too. Hurts.
I’m sincerely sorry to hear that Skip. You are right. Living as if someone has died, while they are still alive, hurts like hell. I pray your son turns back to you…redeems the years…
Thank you, Kent, for this transparent testimony that is our common and shared story in the journey of faith in Christ in response to the Father’s adoption to Himself out of the wretched misery of our lives apart from him. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
You’re welcome Richard. I’m glad that you are receptive to this. It’s become difficult for me to live without a kind of brutal honesty, born of addiction recovery and reading Skip’s material and others too, and of course God.
“I press on – Frederick Buechner wrote something profound about the journey of faith.
“Part of the inner world of everyone is this sense of emptiness, unease, incompleteness, and I believe that this in itself is a word from God, this is the sound that God’s voice makes in a world that has explained him away.”[1]
Perhaps you’ve felt this inner disturbance, the uneasy agitation that keeps you wondering if you’re truly okay. It’s tempting to push this off, to increase focus on whatever is at hand, and ignore that silent alarm in the dark parts of your world. But if Buechner is right, God is speaking in those dark recesses of consciousness. It takes undistracted concentration to hear Him.”
So much in just this section of this article. I would think that only a moment of wholeness, completeness, could produce such thoughts in a man. The “inner disturbance” is so accurate to me. I tried to drown it. But given that I was ADHD when I drank I felt normal, calm. It watered down the cortisol. That’s the danger of course. Then you spend years chasing that dragon. But God spoke in a couple of those “normal” moments, when all the noise in my head went silent. He took advantage of it and rocked me by His speaking (and no it wasn’t the alcohol or drugs!). If you think those things can stop God or put Him off, well don’t. If you ever meet someone and are tempted to think, “man this person is so far from God”, resist the temptation. If you would’ve met me in my early 20’s you would have definitely thought that. I threw myself into the world with all my might. You would never have guessed I was reading a Bible at night, and wondering why I was so disturbed, uneasy. I was hearing footsteps…the people who seem the farthest away just may be the closest.
I think this song captures is beautifully. Also, if you haven’t read Russ Taff’s memoir, “I Still Believe”, it’s a beautiful illustration of the truths contained in this article.
https://youtu.be/UdGsJ5JqVb0?si=fl5vQAlBRcosAvvD