Don’t Call It Love
9 If a man is found lying down with a woman married to a husband, Deuteronomy 22:22
Lying Down – We’re enormously confused. One of the reasons for this confusion is the paucity of our language about love. For us, the verb “to love” covers everything from the taste of ice cream to sexual intimacy to the united personalities of marriage. The Greeks had four words; Hebrew had three plus another one for sex without personal bonding. We have one word to cover it all. What a shame!
What’s important here is that the Hebrew word for sexual intimacy in marriage is yada. It means “to know,” but with a very wide umbrella. So, yada can be used to say that I know today is Tuesday. It can also be used to say that Adam knew Eve (sexually). What matters is that yada is a relationship connector. When I know my spouse in the Hebrew sense, it is a great deal more than sexual. It is the bonding of two people becoming one, emotionally, physically, spiritually and devotionally. This bond is the symbolic representation in real earthly life of our connection to God. No wonder is covers so much territory.
We need this background to notice that the laws that cover adultery do not use the same verb, yada. When it comes to sex without mutual relationship bonding according to God’s point of view, the word is shakav, not yada. Of course, shakav also has an umbrella of meanings, from lying down to sleep to lying down in the grave in death. Hebrew may be a language of the land, but it is not a crude language. It often employs innuendo to describe sexual activity. Lying down with a married woman or a man, or as an act of submission to a false god (the adultery of idolatry) all carry the same penalty – death. If shakav is the act, yada is not part of the equation. Hebrew never mistakes sexual encounter for love. If Hebrew describes marriage with yada, but uses shakav for sex outside of marriage, then clearly marriage involves a much deeper relationship than just sex. If the other aspects of yada are missing, all that is left is just a physical act.
There is so much more to this perspective than just prohibitions about sexual relationships. There are issues of identity, fidelity, spirituality, reliability, integrity and mystical representation. There are issues of unity, honor and submission. And all of these are about our relationship to God, not to the spouse. Psychologists have long known that couples can get over the act of unfaithfulness. The real damage is the loss of trust. That is usually the death-knell of the marriage. When I throw aside the ground for trust, what’s left in a relationship?
God demands the death penalty not to act as a substantial deterrent to extramarital affairs (although it certainly has that effect) but to demonstrate the sanctity of the life He creates. God brings two together to make one. It is His design, His plan and His provision. Adultery insults God’s handiwork and shouts, “I’ll make my own unity without Your blessing!” The death sentence follows from spiritual murder, not physical encounter.
But we’re confused. We can’t imagine such a consequence. After all, it’s just love.
Topical Index: Commandments, Adultery
