The Inner Struggle
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts Psalm 13:2 (NIV)
Wrestle with my thoughts – The NIV translation of this passage captures the idea of the phrase but not the exact words. The Hebrew phrase really says, “take counsel with my soul.” The two critical words are ‘etsah (advice, plan) and nephesh (soul, person). It’s easy to see why the NIV uses this inexact translation. David is struggling with his inner thoughts. But the exact wording reveals something not found in the NIV choice – there is no rest for those who look for direction from their own inner resources. David tells us that going inside for counsel only reveals the emptiness of my way. Unless I have a word from God, all my inner planning is eventually fruitless.
The NIV translation captures something important. I know the pain and frustration and anger of the internal battle. I know the torment and turmoil of finding no solution to those demons in my heart. Like David, I cry out, “How long, Lord, will I have to fight with myself before I find relief?” The NIV translation makes it abundantly clear that the real battle in my life happens on the inside. When I lose contact with the Spirit within, all of my interior becomes a war zone.
But I need the exact translation too. I need to know that it is not just a matter of internal wrestling. I need to know that my efforts to find a solution through my own plans and counsel leads only to agonizing uncertainty. If I follow my heart, I end up in a wasteland no matter how pretty my geographical landscape. My heart is dark, untrustworthy and deceitful – even to me. What I desperately need is outside counsel from a completely reliable source. So I cry, “How long, Lord, am I confined to advice from myself? How long must I go without hearing from You?”
Until God speaks, all my directions are purposeless.
We spend a great deal of time with our plans. We train to become experts in prognostication, as if all those skills will set a safe course of action. We seek education, information and divination in order to determine direction. But it is all just so much foolishness.
Until God speaks, all my directions are purposeless.
Seek wisdom from within and run the risk of pointless production. Or you could ask God’s advice. Of course, you would have to be willing to follow it. That’s probably why we don’t ask. We would rather listen to ourselves, even if we’re wrong.
